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02 December 2009

Holidays...

Hi guys...well this is express update...i wont be able to online now becouse im busy helping my dad at his groceries shop....well...this is the only time i have time to help him since im so damn busy with my study and my life.....so see u guys after a months....


p/s have a nice holidays for all ipta or ipts student....for those who still got exam...gambatte!!!

01 November 2009

pissed off

i just finished blog walking....stop by at PRIMU's blog...got few new entries...its gud since Jamal and I complain a lot a bout the blog because more than 1 month no new update....if it is personal blog i can accept...but it is information blog...club's blog...so its really unaccepatble.... then i found this at the chat box.


See the highlight part....1st...we wont complain if we dunt see it...what we comment is the truth....2nd...we do appreciate...but then...i heart this sentences more than three times....from higher committee...Now seriously....it become show off already....first time...i heard...i couldnt do more than agree...2nd time....speechless...3rd time...same sentences...its annoying!! I dunno who the hack is the pemusnah....but i think i know who is she or he....need my friend to check for me...lucky got friend study about science compt in uitm....ko its easy to track them....later perhaps....coz dunt have a mood to hate more people right now...in fact..im tired

31 October 2009

First aid Kit vs trust

The title just so weird right....but this stupid thing torn my feeling and my trust apart to PRIMU 100%... Well...its been a long time i didnt talk about PRIMU here...it just...i think i lost my interest and my love for PRIMU...from previous old entries...i might said that i would stay for PRIMU until this club become strong....Now i dunt....and if posible...i would like to get out from PRIMU as soon as possible...Some of the Higher Commitee in PRIMU just annoying and pissed me off not just me but a lot other members who already left PRIMU...but i just shut my mouth since i dunt want to be label SENSITIVE MORE OFTEN..well...i dunno where got wrong...a few of Higher committee said im too sensitive and easily pissed off...well...they didnt know i've tried like hell to control and be fake infront of them...its not myself....but just for their damn satisfaction...i just become plastic...


I love them...sure i did...but sometimes...people need their own space and need people to respect them....Today really make me like want to kill asaqni...maybe its not his fault....i understand...just cant help it...Let me tell the situation...and tell me...would u feel the same way as i do right now...pissed off and feel that i cant be trusted....I would like to know...

"Last sunday....group of student went to Sentubong Mountain. Among them....there is a girl...FAT GIRL...NAMED MELIN (THATS ME!!!) who would like or i prefer...forced to come since she got the duty...to prepare breakfast for the whole team....wake up at 3 a.m and start making breakfast with her friend until 6 am...tired and sleepy but the fat girl satisfied..WHY?? Because the breakfast for her LITTLE FAMILY KNOWN AS PRIMU....Thanks to Faiz, farrah, dibah and Ain for helping me early in the morning...especially farrah becouse even though she is not one of our FAMILY...she still willing to help.... after waiting for few hours....at least...departed from UNIMAS and go fot sentubong...could not sleep since they were too noisy...maybe they were excited...9:30 arrived....did some exercise too loosen up... Start hiking....few minutes..Problem start....this FAT GIRL START TO TROUBLE THE HIGH COMMITTEE...Could go on...not enough rest+leg still injured due to slip from stairs week before and most important...SHE IS FAT!! really regret to come because if not because of me...Naim ER,Diela, Syam and Kak Cha2 wont stuck with me....Need time coz its my first time.....i really hate myself that time...until even they try to cheer me up...i couldnt smile...want to jump to from the hill also got... At one point...Naim ER ask from permission to go first to see other group that stop ahead us...we just let him go...He ask me nicely..

"Melin...do u need first aid kit...if yes i will leave it to you.." i answered no coz i got my own medicine....The HE START RUNNING WITH THE FIRST AID KIT WITH HIM THROUGH THE FOREST....

after nearly an hout we arrived to Bukit Puteri...I decided to stop there permanently because enough trouble for them already....after a while...we went down....waiting for the others at the side of the road...."

Then 2 days ago....asaqni called me but i didnt answer coz i dunno the number...then he msg me...asking if the first aid kit that NAIM BRING IS WITH ME OR NOT???!! Huh??im confused...i check my beg...empty...futhermore...the first aid kit is big...so if true i did brought it back accidentially...i would noticed it at the moment i clean up my room the next day...I said no....then i told him what happen...then Kak Cha2 msg me asking the same question...i start to feel weird.... but i assume they search for the 1st aid together and coincidently both asking the same person....but this evening asaqni asking me the same question...i started to pissed off...they dunt trust me or what!! Am i a theft???

I told my rumate about this...and Faiz...well they also kindda pissed off.. and said they were not responsible. they even said....they afraid naim told them lie....i wont said that...coz i dunno what to say anymore...my heart torn....

Make me mad...on the same time..make me sad and want to cry....people that i said my family....didnt trust me?? Its okay....just one semester to go...after that...they no need to see me again....no worries...The theft will leave soon...

24 October 2009

funny but embarrasing

Today i went out with some of my friend...not for fun but in the mission to find things to prepare breakfast for all my dear family in PRIMU..we decide to go to Sentubong Mountain tommorrow morning... So the Project leader ask me and Shedy to become AJK makanan...Food again....haiya...since i got here i always under AJK Makanan...I dunno why....But nevermind...ins not that hard if got people help me and as usual...i drag Faiz along to help me..muahaha....


The committee already decided to make sandwich for breakfast along with drinking water.... Fist destination we went to desa Ilmu....If u araund here (Kota Semarahan) you would know where is it...we went to EVERISE since my friends said some of the things here is cheap....After i get what we should get we went to UNACO...not very far away...hunting for cheap mineral water...

Here, we saw the funny things.....we were searching for nearest parking lot since later we need to carry 5 boxes of drinking water... Faiz saw a couple...at first we didn't realize...then she said..."Hahaha. i thought they were couple...it appears they were son and mom" I look at her with question mark in my head...she point to the couple she meant...no wonder...the mother look young and they wear some colour...but i dunt know how at last she realize they were not couple...Lazy to ask...

Next i saw a couple in Unaco...Holding hand...I guess...Father and daughter if i look to their appearance.. So sudden the guy kissed the girl in the lips...huh!!! Im shocked...then i realized...the Guy address the girl as sayang....gulp!!! I just walk away from there as quickly as i could....i didnt tell my friends about this...

Im wondering....yeah i know love got no boundaries in age or who u are but still it weird kay!! I thinks thats all for today...im tired...need some rest...and tommorrow need to get up at 3 a.m...Yaikssss.....

23 October 2009

When fear coming to be real

What do u guys think when ur fear become real and true?? It not really good rite... What if Ur fear become true in ur dream?? Its weird and it more sucks since u could not get it out from ur head... This is what happen to me....


This 2 days...whenever i fall asleep i would dream...Im not kindda of person that easily dreaming in my sleep.....But this dream really disturbing me....My greatest fear in the world...become true and seems real in my dream...Maybe u guys wondering...wat is my fear? Well...since a while ago...my greatest fear is my little sister...She is my angel but she is no angel to the family....She kindda hard to control...but with me, she become a very good girl since she only afraid to me than anyone else including my parents...Besides me.....she is a troublemaker in the family...she will do whatever she could either in the right way or bad way to get whatever she want in her life...

At the very young age she know how to put some make-up, wearing nice dress when going out...she really mind about how she looks....Her social...she like to have friends but her friends are not a good kids...It worrieds me until sometime i need to interfere with children business in order to protect herself and her dignity....Im so tired to like that....and ashamed also for someime,,,,but i know that what sister should do....Whe we grow up....things become worse...She started to talk back to our parent with loud voice....start to violent herself and her friend and stop talking to my sister and even me...She only speak to her sister when needed only... It really bothers me..How come siblings didnt talk at all??

I tried to make things better...instead of scolding her or beat her up...i use words...playing with her emotion....make her to picture things when we were gone...Slowly it got her back...but i was told by my mom and my dad...since i was gone for matriks and now unimas...she getting weirder...Im so worried that she will become wild and worse than before...A lot my friends advise me to look after my younger sister even though they met her for the first time....They seem could guess something bad...

Back to my dream this two days...I dream her violence... im sure both of my dream are different storyline but the way she hurt me is the same...she hurt me with injection needle. She stabbed at my back..and when i woke up...damn...my back hurt like hell...like i felt it....even just 4 a while...she even hurt my parents....i dunno...its really wierd...i know its only a dream..but i cant bear the pain...pain in my heart when i think about it....i hope...dream only a dream...

20 October 2009

Live your life

Hai guys, nothing really interesting today….just I think im not doing well in my soil mechanics test today. The question were unexpected, well not really like our lectured did pictured it to us last week but I still try to do my best coz if im not and just give up, its not worthy to stay awake till 7 am.

This week is the last week of lecture, that’s mean next week is study week, yet I still have a few activities to attend until this Monday…. So I think I would only start on Wednesday since I need my rest on Tuesday…Hope so this semester I could do better. Hope so I could study without any problem or disturbance in the study week since this 2 semester, whenever final is around the corner, there will like trillion problem which affected my emotion.. Im really bad in handling emotion….I dunno why….So far this sem, nothing happen…Maybe just small problem that I think I already get over. I think I truly neutral right now…just please pray for my success. I would need that….

It is 1 more month before I can go home…well, missing home already…especially both of my angels, my breath and my life….I really miss them, really wanna hug them and chat whole night talking about girls stuff, about our past, our present, future and some sisterhood problem like we used to do before… This a few days, I started to call them every night.. My daily life seem not complete if I didn’t hear their voice…People may say im crazy…but they were the only reason I still breathing today…still alive like you see…. They were and always be my strength. I’m lucky my mom did not give up having another child even though im 5 that time..large gap to have siblings but still…God gave us a precious present ever…

My friends used to ask, why did I called them my angels even in my phone I would put their number as my angels and my sweetheart. For me, angels is someone that have a pure heart. They would save and guide people. That what my sisters do to me. They did save my life once…They stopped me from hung myself when im 10…They might still small that time…around 5 and 4 years old…but they understand what im saying and what I try to do. .. Just one simple question from them stopped me and I swear, only God could take my life ever since. They ask…” Are we bad enough to be ur sister until u want to leave us? If yes, we were sorry, we will pray to god to give u other sisters and take us away but please don’t leave, mommy and daddy would need u…”

I hold on until today because of them…They guide me and show me the way when Im lost…I know its my job to do so as elder sister, it just sometime they more mature than me and my life was not colorful as others…I have my own dark side which I dont want people to know, but to my concern how long I could keep it… I try my best to complete their life with love…when holidays I would work so I could give them what they want…Yes its hard and tired, but everything for them… I always try to be there when they need me, I try my best to give advise when they need one… I dunt want they go through what they were not suppose to experience.

My story maybe seem like fiction…but that is my life…. I have to bright sisters but unfortunately for them, im not really good sister… I know…sometimes they wished im not their sisters……

p/s: I hope what written in here will not be discuss and talk outside or in front me…You might leave comment and ur opinion here, I would appreciate it and you could judge me…go on…just please respect me when outside…What in the blog…please let it stay here…

19 October 2009

2nd entry for today: my attitude

hola guys... another entry for today...well i realize sumthing else...weird and funny for me... Well...when ever i really furious to someday....i always said...i feel want to kill him / her... i dunno why....or sometime..if i want to be alone, yet people go see me asking how am i doing i will answer the same thing... Its not really i meant to kill the person....even though i want to...i know im not capable...huhuhu.... Its not nice to hear...but i just automatically come out from my mouth... Y is it huh?? Im wondering...


One more thing....when im shocked....i use to said Oh my God...now im using OMG!! The same thing actually...but this OMG thing i know y...because my frens used to said this...so i think its kindda cool...erm...dunno lah...but some of my other friends said its irritating but who care, it not something bad to say...heee

Who cares..... another sentence i like to said...This one...it shows that im not really comfortable or dont like about something or whatever...like....for example...hey melin...isnt she wear the same shirt yesterday?....u definitely will get that "who cares!!" from me...hehehe

If you are talking to me..and i just like... nodded...smile...and then...oh yeah...i see...interesting...okay!! huh...that mean...."what the heck u r saying" This is because sometimes...im not intersting with the story...or im lost while you are telling ur story...its normal...when people get excited he or she just like...hey u know..blah blah blah then i dunt know whay blah blah blah....i barely cant understand or hear....

Its funny to think about my attitude...but everyone have their own ways right..

Getting better

First of all, tq for all the comment that i received in my blog and facebook regarding my post about i fall from the stairs... I just share what happen to my daily life, not for sympathize like some people said but i still grateful for all the concerns from all my friends....tq guy...u make my day bright even though th pain at my back and my shoulder bothered me a lot yesterday... Now everything okay...still feel the pain a little at my back, shoulder and knee but it is much better....nothing serious...


Today, i try to prepare myself for tomorrow exam but unfortunately, i could not focus with wha im doing...i only could focus in certain time but just a few minutes....Dunno what happen to me...a lot of things really bugging me...first about myself...how am i doing for all this sem... My sisters...how are they doing in their exam...is it all right...my parents, are they grateful and happy to have daughter like me.... Am i a good daughter and a good sister for both of my sisters? Am i a good friend to all people that know me, that become my friend... Do i respect others like they want to? Its confusing...i dont know why it is so sudden all the question come to my head...if only i could answer all the questions....

Well its been like 2 week i didnt talk much with. carol, my roomate....quite strange becouse she so bubbly and sometime feel want to selotape her mouth.... Its started when i questioned her one evening if she have a earphone or headphone since she watch mvie in her pc...the sound quite loud to me.... I felt disturbed but at first i just cover my ear with my pillow and it doest work. I felt sleepy and so tired that evening since i didnt sleep a night before in order to finish my assgnment....mybe the way i ask quit harsh... Now we just talk if it is needed....quite strange but in fact...it is much better this way.... her way and my way were totally different...yes she older than me...but since she is the youngest and only daughter in her family, she kind of 'manja'...

Well thats not really type of my friends that i like...it fun to be friend with them....but in some situation... i think they are annoying.... at first...i just try o understand her and just follow what she said what she want since i respect her as senior since she was diploma student...Unfrtunately, my patience like come to zero... she critics me and my attitude just like that and i always like "SNAP!!!" she critics how close me to my sister than my parents, like i forget about my parent and didnt care much about their feeling... well....people can insult me...but to comment or critics how nicely i try to treat my sisters, give them what they want and give priority to them, i could kill the person.....She dont know what have i gone through in my life...the pain... the saddest.... biggest secret i need to keep for a 11 years.... My sisters, they always there for me....they always bright my days.... Yes i sure love my parents....but to be truth...they were one of my scar... Scar that haunt me till im death...i love forgive them...and really love my parents...it just....not everything we could let it go.. Carol...she have a perfect family...so thats why she would not understand...

I like the way we are now....at least there is nothing that could make me mad at her anymore....More important....i could do what i want...i could sleep whenever i want...eat whenever and where i want and be alone while im eating... take my bath whenever i want..... and while im busy doinf my work...nobody disturbe me..... I like to be like this....

You can say im cruel....i dunt mind....it just it for my own good...

17 October 2009

New Update

Hmm...its been a while since my last update...its been a tiring and crazy week for me and perhaps for all the civil's student here.... The work load that given to us driving me crazy....Its been a few nights i didnt get enough sleep until last night...i sleep early last night..coz i felt tired and plus some part of my body bruises coz a fall from the stairs last night...my shoulder and knee really in pain right now...especially my right shoulder...Thank God the box that i carried only random stuff not a box full of boxes that my senior carried...Actually my senior text me last night ask for help...since my creadit not enough to reply her...i just get downstairs to her room just using slippery slipper...When i got there...she asked me to carry a few boxes downstairs to her mom cars...its okay with me....but the box quit big so really minimize my view...I try to be careful since i know my slipper would easily slip, but unfortunately....DOOM!!! My back really hurt....and my chest really in pain since the box fall on top of me...


After i went back to my home..i really like a flat-tyre...dont have energy...my body hurt..so i thought it is better to have a rest for while..unfortunately...i fall asleep...and this morning....i wake up early...Need to do some assignments...I need to finish all this assignment by tonight since tommorrow i need to spare my time to study for soil mechanics test on monday...

Im worry i wont be able to finish it by tonight...since...my right shoulder really killing me right now...my movement are minimize... Plus this evening got bowling ....im death!!!!

14 October 2009

Dancing was my passion

Hai guys.....its been a long time since my last update..Well this week being so crazy...i really feel like i could not handle it....but still im trying to hold on... Now, i am taking a break from my assignment... All this assginment make me crazy...plus....3 more week to exam...YAIKSS!!


Well...dancing....yups...dancing was my passion...i love to dance a few year ago...I can express myself through movement without any harm to myself especially when im mad..but now....its imposibble.... I think you know why....if not...read this post, i did wrote a bit about this.

Why all this thing come to my mind now?? I dunt know....just i miss the moment where i could dance...

09 October 2009

Friendship for a lifetime

Hi dear friends, it s been a long time since my last entry, sorry for that. I suppose post this entry last week but im too busy to online so i just type it in the Notepad and only post it today.

Last week when i was FB-ing, i found a great video.Its a true story about 2 friend who bought a cub when they so him in the cage in town for sold. They keep him at pet him with love..but unfortunately,he grow to fast and they couldn't keep it anymore. The only thing they could do is to let him be familiar with africa, w new home for the lion which is his true nature.A few years later, they came back to see the lion. I guess they miss him coz they love the lion so much and since they took good care of him since he was little. Unfortunately, the ranger said, the lion already become a head for his own pride, so he would totally become wild and dangerous. Beside that, there is possibility that the lion forgot who are they and attack them. They were disappointed but they didn't give up. They still go to search for the pride. The search come to end and there was the lion that they raise.. It is unbelievable, the lion stunned when he saw them and come running towards them and cuddle with them. The lion still remember his earlier owner!!! This isthe part i cry, the lion seem missing them so much. He even introduces to the friend his wife.

Love and friendship don't have any boundaries, even animal understand what is friendship and love is.I don't understand why human, with a brain and who could think wisely could not respect and worthy the love and the friendship among human. The video triggered my memories, something that i nearly forgot. 7 year ago, when i was in form 1, i got trouble with some of my friends a.k.a my classmate, they jealous at me for nothing. Its really killing me... Fortunately, i had a bestfriend, her name Lynn. She didn't talk so much and other student like to make fun with her.. So far everything just so fine and even though we sit side by side, we like to write a letter for each other, every secret that hard to say, since we hate and afraid when people eavesdropping on us. Everything fine until she fall in love with our senior. She did ask me what i thought if she couple with the senior since our senior did ask her to become his girlfriend. The truth, i didn’t like it, not because I’m jealous but i realize since they become close,her study totally a disaster. Its hard for me to help her in her study anymore. After i a while, i just say that its okay with it since i need to consider her feelings too. Unfortunately, she starts to forget me and rarely spent time with me and no more letter from her, and only reply my letter after 2 or 3 weeks after that. I’m just fine with it .

After a while she accused me that i start to forget her. I was totally in shocked. I asked myself, Who forget who actually but i just want to make things better SO I just apologies for something i didn't do.When form 4, we were separated. I went for science term and she went to accounting class. We still contact as usual, like the same way we used to but we just not so closed anymore, maybe because i was to busy with my endless activities. This is when he broke up with our senior. Maybe they had a problem with time and seeing each other since my senior already done his SPM. Well, as usual, Lynn just like crazy, lost someone she love and like so much. Besides that they broke up after our senior confessed that he got another affair. Lynn couldn't accept the fact. My friends and i try to comfort her and ask her to forget him.We thought everything would be fine. Unfortunately it is not.

2 year later, i went for my matriculation and her continue her form 6 at our school. We still contacted each other via phone. One day she confesses that she went to meet our senior (her ex-bf) and ask him to accept her back. She dunt care if she need to give her body to him!!! Oh my God...Thats really make me mad and dissapointed..Where is her pride? She is a women, we all know what is most important thing for a women. I just talk softly to her and give advise to her and think wisely. So sudden she becomes mad. I told her, what i said becouse i love her, i dunt want she to do something stupid for something that not worthy for her. She become more furious and said i didnt understand her. She ask me to leave her alone and never contact her again... Friendship for 5 years just end like that for something stupid?? Now, she lost me and even the guy he like since the guy insist to accept her. I felt pity for her, i did miss her.

Fortunately, last day before i come here to Unimas, i met her and try to make thing better. Thank God she is not stubborn anymore, we become friend but BFF...i dunt think so./I'm not punishing her. It just i still hurt with what she did to me.. He choose a guy more than me, her friend.

P/s: im sorry that my english are not good enough....

04 October 2009

Going Out

Hai...today i went out...my destination was crown plaza a.k.a Parkson...Im going there for 3 reason...first, got UNIMAS trnsport since i dunno how to drive and im alone. Well i dunt like walking alone...if got company i dunt care how far i need to walk...second reason...Mooncake...Today oredi mooncake festival a.k.a "Pesta tanglung" which mean...today is kind of the last day they sell mooncake...I just realize that today is the last day after my mom called me last night and asking me wheather i did buy mooncake for myself to eat... Well..its only once a year and i love mooncake...so sure i dunt want to miss it this year...Mooncake were so special...i love the taste and how it look..more important...i admired the story behind the mooncake festival.. And then 3rd reason...i want to get myself a malay novel...Yes i like to ready malay novel even though i'm mixed chinese...Well...im so tired mentally and physically, so why shouldn,t i treat myself nicely right...Futhermore, i want to apply Popular Bookstore Membercard. I love to buy malay novel but now the price is getting expensive from time to time...


Something interesting happened while im enjoying my lunch at KFC. Gosh it was too crowded even though its already 3 pm...Lucky me...as soon i arrived i spot a perfect place. Well i like to observe people...Human is interesting so i enjoying it...like watch a long movie...just the difference...they are not acting...that what make them and make the "story" interesting...I get myself Snack plate and cheezy wedges...enjoying my food while watching the " movie" in front me... at my back...there were 2 young boy having their dinner...from what i see they look like 13-15 years old...nothing interesting about them at first...just some guy talk...i dunt bother about them at first...Until 2 girls come out and walking toward them...i though they were the guy girlfriend...i admire the girls sense of fashion...Since the girls talk quite loud...i can heard them clearly...the girls begging the guy to lend them some money.Huh!!! I stop eating...is it right what i did heard...I listen carefully what they are saying...(yeah i know its not good, my curiosity seek for an answer..hehehe)Guess why the girls want to borrow some money from the girls?? Unexpected...The Girls's Boyfriends want to watch another movie... but they dunt have enough money to buy the ticket...feeling ashamed...they ask for money from their friends...Its so extra ordinary... Seriously...in my life....it is the first time i heard a situation like this....

Then i'm waiting for Unimas' bus at the bus stop...still early so i just texting with Faiz and listening to Mp3....Another Movie to watch...well outside's story much more interesting....dunt want to tell bout it...it quite embarrassing. Just let me keep it for myself...hehehe

Just now i went for blog walking again...well...i realize something...people's blog got a lot i mean A LOTTT!!! of picture...but mine...just a few... look boring to read....but maybe i rather write it down than show u guy visually...Thats all for today...im still quite tired even though i already slept for 3 hours.daa


30 September 2009

Let me go

well...today i dunno what happen... after i realize that my ex-bf try avoiding me in fb...i delete him from my friend list...before that i send a msg to clear things up...and today...when i online...he request to be my friend in fb... idunt understand...really...this thing make me wondering...what he want actually...i did let him go...and its my sincere willing...becouse i know...i understand that we are not destined together.. God let us met...to cure his broken hurt that time who was betrayed by his ex-gf and than me...to learn what is love and how to love or bing loved... Too many memories together...im just glad that i have the memories and got the opportunity to know him...


Now i've move on...and i i know i did...just im worried...he wont let me go...

28 September 2009

Visitor

Im shocked this morning...just realized something else...my visitor...i mean visitor who did visit my blog.....last time i log in...it jus 1000++.. but now.......


Near 12000...what is happening....since when people like to read my blog which is a lot of crap...Im confuse...I think its only been a week i didnt log in and check my blog....did google make some mistake there or what...becouse it cant be right...coz if true there are people like to read my blog but 11000 time people visit my blog in just i week?? errr.,...

99th entry

Hai guys...well im trying to write in english today since there is one of my bff said that she think when i wrote in english my entry become more exciting..im not sure bout that but hey...its people opinion...try to listen to her...hehehe...futhermore it could help me in my writing since my writing especially in english getting worse...maybe lack of practice like i use to do when im in secondary school...well..time change.


I've started this blog maybe a year a ago...but entry that i wrote not including this only 98 entries...Oh my gosh...quite ashamed coz when i peek to my friend's blog, the got hundreds and some nearly 200 entries...Well my life in not too interesting to share...I named this blog as inspire of love becouse when i started this blog..im thinking to give advise since i like a love counsellor to my friends...hahaha...not all my advise work so well but so far its okay and helping others

My love story were just like other....nothing interesting...so much pain than happiness but i understand before we could get an immortal love ?9am i using the right word??) we need to get through the pain...and i felt the pain....the pain that kill my heart...so the result....tadaa....my blog full or crap...Its hard to fall in love again....my friends said im feelingless...okay whatever thats mean....i try to fall in love again...but no use...whenever a guy said he loves me...i run away...maybe a afraid to be hurt again...phobia to fall in love?? i dunt know

Recently i did talk about a guy that i named him Prince...So far its been a month i officially become his girl...but until this moment....i dunno what is my real feeling....I did say i love you to him...i did miss him when i didnt get any his msg or call...but i thing i afraid of... i only...lonely.... Yeah!! yeah...!!I know i got family...but hey...im only an ordinary girl kay....i want to be love by a guy also....Sometime..he sulk becouse i dunt really care bout him sometime for a week or two just beacouse im busy with my own life....sometime im free, but i used the time for myself...watching movie and playing games instead of him... i always ask him to understand that i have a life too... i want my own time....kindda funny becouse at the past, all my ex-bf would said that to me...huhuhu...well nearly 2 year being single change me a lot huh...

Then...im a emotianal girl...yes i know that...im so sensitve and so stubborn.nobody could deal with me....maybe just for sometime...not for a long period...So far...he can deal with me...we only had a huge fight 3 months ago.At that time we still bestfriend....but that fight make us understand more about each other but we nearly "putus kawan"....but he is the one who tried to save our friendship....and now...Muahaha....couple...so lame...

One funny things....i did realized just now....i did add my ex bf in my facebook...ex bf that i really love and like once.... Until now i couldnt forget the memories betwen us...but doest mean i still love him and want him back....maybe i still like him...but then, its not our destiny and it wouldnt be...For first few msg i posted in his wall he did reply and after that he didnt reply...at first i thought he lazy to reply since my post all about advise to his weird thought about his life....he just like that since i know him...but then i realize and i did laugh...his friend and i post something that kindda the same thing...and he only reply to the other person....its abvious he want to avoid me...funny2....Its okay by me....huhuhu...he though i want him?? oh plizzzz!!!...huhuhu

Enough for now...no idea oredi...if i got any idea...i will post new entry kay...daa..see u next entry

19 September 2009

Happy???

Okay...nek berhabuk dak aku rasa blog aku ni...lama tak berupdated....but what to do....masa aku untuk online agak terhad...life...nothing interesting...just...aku involve dengan someone, ...lama aku menyingle...aku pun perasan...peragai aku dalam bab couple ni dah berubah...aku dengan si dia...aku panggil Prince lah ar...aku dengan Prince dah berkawan selama setahun... well...semuanya bermula dari internet...dari teman cyber...kami jadi kawan....dari kawan...kami jadi sahabat...dari sahabat kami jadi bestfriend....and latest....couple....quit funny to me.... dari awal perkenalan...kami banyk berkongsi mengenai kehidupan...pelbagai cerita dikongsi...tapi tak sangka sayang tu datang...


Secara jujur aku katakan.....aku tak yakin hubungan aku dengan prince akan pergi jauh....atas sebab tertentu...tapi buat masa sekarang aku harap kami gembira....rasa pelik bila bergelar kekasih orang...even dah sebulan couple...still rasa pelik...hehehe....

Tapi aku bersyukur...Prince sangat2 penyabar dengan perangai aku...mungkin sebab tu juga aku jatuh sayang dengan dia...tapi entah sampai bila dia akan dapat bersabar dengan perangai aku...im wondering....adakah 2 tahun jak macam Man mampu bertahan....tengoklah per jadi kemudian...

Study aku.....ok i guest...tiada masalah buat masa ni....tiada gangguan2 luar macam sem2 lepas...coz prince sangat2 memahami...maybe dia ada juga lah merajuk since aku penah tak endahkan dia 2 minggu gara2 assignment macam bukit...but so far he understand...

Conclusion....aku happy dengan life aku...

11 September 2009

Pesan Ibu

Aku Fb-ing semalam sebab tension sangat...tengah2 view video2 kawan aku...aku jumpa satu video dari senior aku...Aku menanggis tengok video ni....semuanya menusuk hati....I miss my mom....Dengarlah...aku percaya....semua ibu ada pesan yang sma....anggplah wanita ini...seperti ibu kita....dan dengarlah pesan beliau


05 September 2009

Demam Vs Exam VS assignment Vs PROJECT!!!

iTS A CRAZY WEEK!!!! hate this few week...i could get use to the works but fever...hell no!!!...its really disturbing my daily life...haih...

Erm...forgrt it....Lagipun deman aku dah nak ok dah..just batuk jak...well lama aku tak blog-walking...rindu nak buat blog-walking tapi masa aku quite terhad....One things....about FB....i dunt really like it...i need to online almost everyday just to find out whats gonna happen to my friends...haih....its ok...im still trying to get use to it

Well guys...i miss u a lot....

p/s: what a short entry...hehehe

20 August 2009

facebook

Hola frens...huh...facebook....fenomena yang tiba2 memang hangat...sehangat h1n1 kot....cuma bezanya....facebook dulu hangat....hangat kat pasaran...hehe...lepas kena hasut dengan kawan2 akhirnya aku buka juga akaun FB tu...paling banyak menghasut secara tidak lansung rumate aku lah si carol....semalam aku explore la FB...well aku rasa tak best...tak sebest FS...smalam juga aku bersms and juga ber FB dengan kawan aku yang merangkap junior dan juga merangkap bestfren aku....dia budak UITM...kat sarawak juga...semalam dia bgtau aku leganya dia aku dah ada profile sendiri....trus aku bler...then dia cakap....dia masih rasa bersalah pasal kes FS aku dulu.....sapa dah baca entri aku yang bertajuk pornography mesti dah tau....

aku mengamuk sangat dengan dia coz...dia dah kenal aku since kami sekolah rendah....dia kenal aku sapa....takkan aku segila tu ak buat macam tu....aku memang marah sebab dia bestfriend aku tapi dia bleh siap post testi " wah mel....satu hari begitu tu ko.." what was his thought at the moment i relly dunno....aku memang mengamuk sakan....msg sori dia aku lansung tak layan....and aku pun terus terminate FS.Kemudian dah aku cool down baru kontek dia balik....
Aku tak sangka sampai sekarang dia rasa bersalah....well...its not my fault....coz ini melibatkan maruah....lagipun aku dah maafkan dia...everything was fine...

19 August 2009

Sleepy Vs Math

Walaweh......aku mengantuk gila harini.....satu sebab cuaca yang sangat2 mendung dan sejuk...best tido...padahal bangun jam berapa tadi....Dah tu aku merajinkan dri gi buat ttrial math...syukur aku dapat jawapan tutorial tu hanya dengan membelek nota 4 kali....its good for me....lepas ni nak vuat tutorial tanpa belek nota lagi....aku rasa math ni senang tapi tak paham aku macam mana bleh fail pula...dapat F lagi tu...memalukan sungguh....tapi takpa...ni pengajaran bagi aku...hihihi....

Selesai math dah tak tau nak buat apa....aduinah....melin melin pa jadi dengan ko ni??

17 August 2009

Once again

Hahaha...once again aku menghilangkan diri untuk satu tempoh....aku heran dengan follower aku....hari tu buka 37, pastu buka lagi 36 then 35 then 34...aik makin berkurang....tiba2 hari ni 37 balik....aku nek heran....Aku dah lama tak tinggalkan komen kat blog orang tapi tak bermakna aku tak jenguk....aku suka baca cerita2 kawn aku...best baca crita orang....lagipun dapat nak jadikan pengajran for certain story.....tapi tulah nak tinggalkan komen tu aku takda masa....kesian juga....hari ni aku exhausted...dah la penat dengan pesta konvo...then my family lagi...tadi pula aku dengan rumate aku kuar gi UNACO bli barang skit...mlm ni nak buat steambot since kami dua jak kat umah ni...takda menda nak buat baik masak dapat isi perut tapi lagi best klu makan steambot ramai2....tapi tulah malangnya kawan2 kami semua teda....semua balik....

Gila kan kami berdua....dahlah dilarang masak tapi gi juga buat ni...jgn tertangkap dahlah...hehehe....klu tertangkap matilah jawabnya...risau juga aku ni actually aduh tapi boring lh asyik makan kat cafe...makanan pun sama jak aku rasa....huhuhu

arini kerja gila...sebab keboringan melampau....aku gi hantar message guna morpheus kat lect...tanya bila dia upload tutorial....hahaha...dah tak tau nak buat apa kan cuti ni....assignment dah settle semua....klah sampai sini jak.....nanti aku post gik

03 August 2009

murdered Children

Hola....welll today after class....aku online....coz tkt my housemate pulang.....its okay actually...just nak download tutorial....takut tak terdownload....or ada agenda lain actually....nak online youtube...find something to watch... Then its happen i found a video below...



Yes....in memory or the murdered children....these video make me sad and i nearly cried....im thinking...how come people being so cruel....hey...they just innnocent child....maybe they are naughty but thats what childs do.....they dont have any rights to take away something special from a family....Children is a gift from God...Didnt we should accept them and take good care of them.... Human being is a weird creature...

30 July 2009

Feeling Blue

Hari ni aku marah sangat...atau lebih kepada sakit hati.....pagi2 awal lagi aku dah nanggis....padahal dah janji pada diri sendiri tak nak naggis lagi....tapi pagi tadi betul2 menguji kesabaran aku.... By the way, AGM PRIMU was terific....not the event yang terific....tapi family aku dalam PRIMU...Papa O and Felix buat kami tak kering gusi ketawa...Ada saja lawak spontan..Like them both....


So its around 11.30 pm baru balik bilik....lepas mandi and mengmas semua...12.30 am baru aku dapat buat kerja....assignment Soil betul2 buat aku gila....Macam nak pegi copy orang pun ada...tapi its not my stail apparently....so berusaha la aku selesaikan baki 3 soalan yg memang dah memeningkan kepala aku dari last week....lepas dah print apa2 yang aku rasa patut....start ah aku buat atas katil....i dunt know why im addicted to sit on my bed and do my work....berjalan otak aku....Sibuk2 aku buat kerja...aku tak sedar dah jam 6 pagi....terkejut gila aku....baru siap 2 quest....what the hack....so aku sambung buat the last one....aku tau buat tapi analisis yang aku dapat tak seperti yang sepatutnya....ni quest bukan lab so mana mungkin graf tak menjadi....sampai jam 8.10 am...aku dah pening2 lalat....so aku p lah tido...coz aku ada kelas Soil jam 10am....baru aku best landing membetul urat2 pinggang....kawan aku call, dia tanya aku kat mana....aku cakap kat bilik...baru nak tido...tiba2 dia cakap...ko tak turun kelas?? Huh!!! Aku dah cuak....wait,,,,kelas jam 10 kan....aku siap tengok jadual yang bertampal di dinding...dlm jadual betul la.... Terus dia jawab...ko tak tau ka kelas am 10 tu dah tukar jam 8 am....What!!!! Aku memang speechless....Napa aku tak tau!!!! Kemudian aku ingat...last week aku tak turun kuliah 2 hari start Thursday...sebab urat lutut aku membengkak....so aku tak dapat nak berjalan....baru nak tuun dari katil aku dah menjerit...nak aku trun dri tingkat 3 and berjalan ke ctf??? aku rasa tak sampai aku dah meraung....Plus lagi demam panas...Bukan H1N1 k!!!!

Bukan tiada yang tahu aku sakit...aku bagitau orang2 yang rapat dengan aku pasal aku sakit....tiada sorang pun tergerak nak bgtau aku...at least texting me...aku ada 3 sim, celcom digi and maxis...hah pilih mana kamu mau....ikut pilihan hati mana yang murah.....klu sayang juga 1 sen or 7 sen tu.....hari isnin and selasa aku gi kelas....tak bleh cakap?? rabu memang aku x kelas...
Aku sakit hati...sebab niat aku dah nak pegi kelas soil since dah terlepas satu kelas lepas aku sakit....aku terduduk atas katil...pelahan2 air mata aku turun....pening aku dah hilang dah...sakit2 badan aku pun dah tak terasa dah....Hati aku macam kena tikam... For certain orang maybe its not big deal tak pergi kelas....Memang aku hilang mood.....Im really feeling blue....

Sampai ke petang aku masih rasa lemah semacam...and tetiba aku demam....mungkin tak cukup tido lah tu...lagipun aku memang dah sakit tekak dari hari tu....Dalam kelas theory petang tu....aku buat bodoh jak, semuayang bercakap dengan aku, aku cakap ala kadar jak....Nasib bek kelas theory tadi even aku pening tak cukup tido...plus sakit hati yang berbekas....aku masih bleh fokus and faham apa yang Mdm Azida sampaikan kat depan...klu tak...lagi parah aku jawabnya....So balik kelas...aku terus g mandi and try redakan hati aku....lepas mandi aku makan sambil tengok muvie..but its not working....then aku ambik Hp aku and dengar lagu....mp3 aku dah aku tak tau mana aku letak pagi tadi....tiba2 aku player aku play lagu yang Roomate amku bagi malam semalam.....aku tak tau...napa aku jadi reda....aku jadi tenang dengar lagu tu....nOW..Im feeling good even demam....Tjuk lagu tu Crying on my shoulder....Here the lyrics....

Cry On My Shoulder lyrics
Deutschland Sucht Den Superstar

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you're away from love and you're alone
If you call your friends and nobody's home
You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I'll never hide

Repeat chorus

What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do

And by the way...Congrats to new MT for PRIMU...gudluck for u guys....

29 July 2009

Nak close atau tidak???

Hai....lama aku tak update blog aku ni....nak buat blog-walking lagilah like imposible...masa aku untuk online sangat2 terhad....klu aku online pun selalunya download notes....i like blogging tapi sebagai student...to online everyday.....its only a dream...


I have been thinking.....nak close blog ni...tapi aku sayangkan blog ni juga....dan juga kawan2 yang aku berpeluang jumpa bila aku ber blog....tapi...macam mana au nak teruskan klu update blog like seminggu sekali....Blog ni jadi perhiasan pula....

Aku rasa aku lah remaja yang paling pelik klu aku dah close blog ni....yalah...dalah aku tak ada my space, friendster, twitter, multiply and face book lagi imposible...and then tiada blog....aku macam tiada ...how i gonna say huh...."networking-social life?".. Think so....sedangkan mentor aku syor kan aku open facebook...huh!!! duh...im not interested bout any of it anymore....dulu aku aktif dengan friendster....tapi ada hacker bangang mana ntah...pegi hack accaunt aku and then letak gambar2 porno...sakit hati aku....aku rasa malu dengan kawan2 aku n juga cikgu2 aku yg ada dalam fs tu....so aku close trus....geram dah aku....then demam fb melanda....ramai kawan2 aku suruh aku buat 1 akaun fb tapi....takut sejarah berulang kut...huhuhu.....lagipun macam aku cakap...i dunt have enough time....klu aku nak juga buat....confirm aku kena korban tido....

Lagipun....takpa...not bad jadi budak skema...macam dulu2...kna cakap skema for something yang aku sendiri tak faham....aku masih berfikir...nak close ke tak akaun ni....Adoh Enamours...i do love be with u.....tapi aku tak cukup masa nak luangkan masa dengan ko.....

13 July 2009

Hidup macam roda

Hai....rasanya mestidah ramai dengar statement hidup ni macam roda...yalah sekejap kita kat atas...kjap kita kat bawah pula...Hakikatnya...itulah lumrah manusia...tak semestinya kita dalam keadaan yang seronok dan bahagia spanjang masa....kadang2 kidang akn berada di bawah...kecewa dan sedih.....dalam hidup kita ni macam drama....macam yang aku pernah tengok iklan pentas anak wayang....kita ni adalah pelakon bagi drama hidup kita....

Ramai yang menyedari hakikat ni....tapi ramai juga yang tak dapat nak menerima keadaan ni....macam aku juga....aku tahu kehidupan ni macam mana....tapi kadang2 ada certain benda yang aku tak dapat nak terima....

Aku sentiasa berjanji pada diri sentiri supaya aku akan sentiasa tabah untuk menghadapi pelbagai dugaan....tapi kekuatan yang aku sangka aku ada hanyalah suatu sangkaan semata2....sekali lagi aku diuji...tapi aku takkan mengeluh di blog ni....mesti dah ramai muak dengar masalah2 aku yang tak pernah putus....malam ni aku perlu buat satu keputusan yang pasti....keputusan yang aku kena hadapi....mudah2an aku dapat happy ending....penat nak berfikir.....

Duh.....what happen to me....hahahaha....just hoping everything will going to be fine

09 July 2009

Busy for a while

Hai....aku akan menghilangkan diri untuk seketika....well...bukan apa...sem baru dah bermula....so first week ni banyak betul yang aku kena urus.....kolej some more...senggang of course...SAFE lagi....and tak lupa kena register course....so masa untuk online adalah terhad...ataupun tiada lansung.

Lagipun...my wire LAN hilang...so tak dapat online lah....n tambah menyakitkan hati my housemate online 24/7 unless when she is sleeping or going to the class....tapi tak apa...as long dia tak kacau aku....

And regarding my new rumate...she is rocks!!!! i like her...she is from Miri Sarawak...but when she talk...she like more too sabahan...she said, when she taking diploma.....all her bestfriends are sabahan...and futhermore...kakak ipar dia pun sabahan...i like it...coz i can be myself.....yelah...bukan senang nak cakap semenanjung all the time since its not my own language....lagipun....for me...sabahan malay is easy aand bila kita bercakap dengan seseorang tu tersa rapat sangat....well everyone have their own choice about language to speak about....

First week ni juga ada assginment...not official assginment...morely kepada tutorial...Mathematics II, 40Question for deferentation and integral....Ihate this but what to do...still need to solve the questions.... Worse....tommorrow dah kena discuss....i still got around 10++ Question.... Entah siap atau tidak....

But this weekend im going out...for movie perhaps.....huhuhu

03 July 2009

Mengemas


Hai....well...esok aku dah nak balik ke kuching....cuti 2 bulan macam tak terasa....macam nak sambung cuti...tapi nak buat macam mana....dah tanggungjawab.... masa packing tu....aku teringat nak bawa buku matriks....untuk membantu aku study repeat paper....hate to repeat but have to....tengah selak2 buku tu...terjumpa pula short letter yang my rumate bg....when i read it...i nearly cried...surat yang amat bermakna....well...she is the best rumate ever...She always be there....dia anak tunggal....her mom yang jaga coz his dad died becouse of cancer....so, my dad always manjakan her like his own daughter....so automatically...she like a family...

This sem ada rumate and housmate baru....huhuhu...i dont who are they and how thir attitude....ho so we can get along...So afraid ar

02 July 2009

Cinta

Well...topik ni agak bosan kot for some person.....tapi aku tidak.....aku terfikir tetiba.....tengah best tengok citer knowing....tetiba soal ni timbul....aku pun tak tau pa kaitan soal ni dengan movie ni...rasanya zero kut.....


Aku terfikir...macam mana kita nak tau yang kita ni jatuh cinta sebenarnya....yelah we simply said i fall in love with her or him....but when we ask...how u know that u are in love....jawapan standard yang menyakitkan hati...."i just know"....Bleh pakai ker statement cam gitu....boleh lah kut....tapi aku cam tak puas ati pula.....padahal sendiri pun penah guna juga statement yang tak bleh pakai tu...hahaha....

Now....i have a feelings...well...if u guys still remember bout my ex-bf yang aku gila kan sangat dulu nama man....kami break atas sebab latar belakang....well...a month ago, dia cari aku balik....well...of course im happy....my first love....first man in my life after my dad still want me....so happy sampaikan dia bawa couple balik....no second thought....but after 6 days....aku putuskan perhubungan....Sumpah demi Tuhan aku tak terniat nak lukakan hati dia or what my friends and sisters called it "balas dendam". Its just....everytime we sms-ing or talking true fon since he is now at Kuala Lumpur....make me teringat balik time2 dia tinggalkan aku dulu.....Macam kiranya luka lama tu masih berbekas....Sakit hati tu masih ada rupanya...ingatkan aku dah boleh get over it....

Aku masih sayang dia...sebab dia menerima aku seadaanya walau dia tahu betapa pahit sejarah hidup aku..dia yang menelefon ibuku dan membuka mata ibuku untuk memberi perhatian lebih kepada ku bukan hanya pada akademik aku....dia yang mendewasakan aku, dia yang buat aku berfikir lebih terbuka dalam hidup....dia buat aku menghargai diri aku sendiri dan juga kawan2.....di buat aku sedar....semua orang ada hak untuk bahagia dan ada hak berasa gembira biarpun siapa kita atau di mana kita berada....CINTA??? im not sure.....Tapi sejak aku tinggalkan dia...aku rasa bersalah....aku tak pernah nak lukakan hati dia.....aku faham perasaan dia yang ikhlas menyayangi aku....sampaikan mahu berjumpa parents aku untuk meminta kebenaran menjaga aku sebagai kekasih dan mungkin sebagai isteri kemudiannya.....seriusly aku tergamam bila dia bagitau semua tu....aku betul2 tak sangka begitu sayang dia kat aku......

To make things better...aku hubungi dia dan minta maaf...ternyta...he still the same man that i love before...so understanding dan tdk mudah melenting....mahu terima kembali....sukar sikit...aku perlukan masa.....apa yang aku mampu buat....aku cuma buka pintu persahabatan...itu saja yang mampu aku tawarkan untuk kebaikan bersama.... Well....dia pun dan punya kehidupan yang lebih baik dari dulu....kemudian....dia juga dah terdedah dengan dunia luar....mana tahu, dia dapat bertemu gadis yang jauh lebih baik dari aku.....

Man,
Sayang, mel harap....klu man terbaca entri ni, mel nak man tahu....mel sayangkan man sepenuh hati mel....tiada orang lain dapat ganti man dalam hati mel...tapi sayang....keadaan dah berubah....terima kasih sayang sebab pengorbanan yang man buat untuk mel... mel tak akan lupa....pada hari mummy peluk mel buat pertama kali selepas man call dia....masa tuh...mel bahagia sangat....mel dapat semua yang mel mahu....biarpun mel marah man masa tu sebab call mummy....tapi dalam hati mel...mel bersyukur sangat.....banyak dugaan yang kita lalui.....kita pun dah terputus hubungan beberapa kali tapi ikatan kita masa tu kuat....kita tetap dapat bertemu kembali....Man...mel takkan lupa...first date kita dulu...mungkin kindda stupid...dating sambil belajar...kat library pula tu...mel rasa happy...masih ingat kod number 143?? ucapan yang selalu mel ungkap sebab malu....Sayang...macam mel cakap....klu ikatan jodoh kita kuat dan masih ada....kita akan bersama......Mel tak berani nak kata...mel cintakan man....sebab....mel tak pasti....im sorry....

29 June 2009

Junior

Todayis monday...huhuhu...mesti ar semua tau....harini juga permulaan bagi pelajar2 yag baru mendaftar sebagai freshie di IPTA or IPTS....Aku baru jak call kawan aku yang jadi faci....sound exhausted....and no much fun....yeah i know.....lagi2 lau freshie yang banyak ragam...I know coz aku pun pernah jadi freshie dan juga faci untuk freshie masa sekolah menengah....cuma kali ni aku tak nak jadi faci...coz nak juga....memang ada apply....tapi tak dapat...tapi tak kisah.....since aku pun ada program.....


Well...this saturday...im going back to Sarawak....To start a new semester and new life...Bergelar senior....woh!!! NO!!!! im not a good student.....kan best lau jadi junior jak....ada alasan lau buat silap....hahaha...pintar betul mencari alasan....Its just....being a junior....so many things i mean great things happen.....maybe masa aku sedang laluinya....perkara tu sungguh menyakitkan.....tapi bila dah jauh kita tinggalkan...everything jadi sweet....so dats y....aku tak pernah takut untuk bergelar junior....

26 June 2009

New things

Aku tak sangka juga....ada juga orang yang concern dengan keputusan yang aku nak ambil mengenai sambung study..... Mermer and syam....like u girls dunno me....i wont quit that easily...its not me....well...itu cuma permulaan bukannya pengakhiran....aku akan teruskan pengajian dalam civil engineering....i will continue second year.....hope everything its clear my dear frens.....just wish me luck...


Well...another bad news....aku tak dapat tinggal di apartment lama...entah napa...tak palah.....aku dah pindah ke apartment baru....third floor....but the best new....aku masih stay kat sakura.....coz dekat dengan fakulti.....oklah tu.....since sakura like in the middle....huhuhu.....exercise ar aku lau gini tiap2 hari.....

I oredi decide....aku akan kena kembali who i am....person yang tak banyak sosial....bukanlah maksud aku sejak kebelakangan ni aku sosial nak mampus....it just....aktiviti aku banyak sangan....sanalah fakulti...kemudian Primu....maybe aku akan quit one of it....tapi imposibble aku nak tinggalkan Primu....u guys know that i love this club....maybe fakulti....coz teda apa kebaikan pun.....coz....bgs aku quit....daripada menghadap muka dorang dan berbalah sama sendiri masa meeting...mungkin berbalah in good intention...i just...first meeting dah rosakkan first impression....so memang aku rasa aku tak sekufu ar dengan dorang...

Besides that....aku kena kurangkan lepak2 with my frens....klu dulu....all this thing tak pernah aku buat...kluar makan dengan kawan2.....g jalan2....n whatever....so aku harap apartment baru ni akan bagi aku ruang nak bernafas skit....harap2 dapat rumate yang baik....adk aku cakap, aku sentiasa lucky sebab since matriks....aku dapat rumate bagus2.....this time i dunt know ar

Hope eveything will be fine......

25 June 2009

Kembali

Lama aku menghilang....aku bukannya apa...aku ambik masa nak fikirkan...sama ada aku akan teruskan pengajian....or nak tangguhkan.....atau nak berhenti......lama juga aku fikir.....dengan keadaan sekarang, pilihan aku tangguhkan dulu, nak quit pun ada.....tapi akal aku nak teruskan.....tapi aku rasa rasa.....aku dah ada jawapan.....mudah2an jawapan yang aku dah pilih ni betul....no turning back.....Biarlah hal study ni coz, kata putus aku da ambik....


It just wanna tell something n share to u guys something that really make me crazy......Ada husband orang minat aku.....aku sebut dia sebagai Mr.A... Mr A ni dah kahwin, dan juga ada anak....aku jelas hal tu.....masa dia hulur persahabatan dengan aku....aku terimalah berkawan denga dia.....aku pun tak tau napa....since aku dah penah set in my mind and aku dah buat for years.....mana2 lelaki yang dah ada perempuan dalam hidup dorang i mean gf or tunang or wife....aku takkan berkawan dengan dorang.....coz dah banyak trouble aku dapat since dulu....aku ni bukan lawa or body solid macam dorang, ntah cemburu napa aku pun tak reti.....But Mr A different.....mungkin sebab dia tu lawak.....so aku suka kawan dengan dia.....

Until now....dia gitau dia suka aku.....aduh mak......gila ka hapa....ya aku ngaku sayang dia....tapi cinta???? ntah ar......dia ada wife....aku juga seorang wanita.....aku tau sakitnya bila ada wanita lain yang cuba rosakkan sebuah perkahwinan....perasaan anak2 dia??? aku dapat bayangkan.....sebab aku dah berada di tempat dorang.....where a women try to steal ur dad.....just the difference between Mr A and my dad, my dad insist the women and still love this family.....

Sanggup kah aku hancurkan hati wanita lain??? OH TIDAK!!!! Aku dah rasa kesakitan tu sendiri....tu baru kekasih...ni kan pula husband....aku tak mampu bayangkan.....aku selesa berkawan dengan dia....aku sedaya upaya menjaga batas persahabatan kami.....kadang2 aku pun tak tau nak cakap apa....dia sentiasa bgtau mana dia pergi klu berkesempatan jumpa aku walau aku tak tanya....bila dia lama tak msg or call....dia akan jumpa aku dan explain knapa..... My bestfren cakap.....macam aku ni wife dia pula....Simpang maikat 44....

Ntah ar.....erm.....tengoklah hidup aku.....baru jak aku capai keputusan pasal masalah study aku, masalah lain pula datang menuntut aku supa berfikir extra.....aduh.....when i will stop thinking about problem...just for 1 hour it would be enough Mr God....I beg ur mercy.....sometimes i wish God took my life...Just end it...masalah gini ni baru sekecil sebutir pasir... belum lagi masalah yang aku rasa sebesar2 alam.....

15 June 2009

LB- LULUS BERSYARAT

GB- istilah yang paling ditakuti oleh semua pelajar....GB meaning gagal berhenti....but then aku dapat LB- Lulus bersyarat, kaum keluarga GB but much better, but still i dunt like it....pointer aku sem ni jatuh menjunam ke gaung aku rasa....Aku pun tak tau puncanya....tapi mungkin sebab sebelum exam aku hadapi banyak tekanan perasaan, seorang demi seorang ahli keluarga aku yang aku sayang tinggalkan aku....so aku tak stabil sangat masa exam....aku masih ingat, i cry for nothing for one day and i didnt feel like to do anything for one week at that time...and tup2....i was told my family already gone.....Perasaan aku jadi celaru....macam2 aku pikirkan....kemudian aktiviti senggang lagi...risaukan kolej lagi....


Prestasi aku sebagai pelajar cemerlang dulu di skolah, hancur sama skali sejak aku masuk Unimas....Aku rasa aku tak terdaya dan tak tahu apa nak buat...Pelbagai dugaan yang aku hadapi buat hidup aku kelam kabut....Melin yang orang kenal, bukan aku yang sebenar. Perwatakan aku tak seperti yang orang lain lihat atau nilai...Kadang2 aku terfikir nak berhenti belajar....wajar kah?? Nak tukar course...dapat aku jamin, course yang aku pilih kemudianya is the right one.....entahlah....Dunia aku dah jadi tambah serabut dan tunggang langgang lepas aku tahu keputusan aku....aku rasa, aku dah sedaya upaya, curahkan semua usaha aku....tapi kenapa aku masih gagal....apa rahsia di sebalik semua ni....aku dah penat berteka-teki dengan semua persoalan yang Tuhan berikan padaku....aku mahu redha....tapi aku terlalu kecewa...sekarang...aku merasakan aku seorang yang gagal....Aku baru saja merasakan yang aku gagal menjadi seorang anak dan seorang kakak yang baik...kemudian, aku rasaka aku pelajar paling teruk di dunia, aku sahabat yang tak berguna, aku gagal mencari cinta yang aku inginkan....Aku rasa aku dah 100 % gagal....

25 May 2009

hilang

huhu...lama aku menghilangkan diri....tag aku belum jawab...award ada belum ambik...itu kemudianlah kay....aku rasa bersalah juga...sebab banyak blog yang aku tak follow lagi cerita dorang....Tapi aku tau rmai faham...


Aku teringat pasal cerita transgander...aku rasa dah ramai yang tau....apa benda transgender ni....mungkin ada juga yang tak tau....aku pernah buat folio pasal ni masa form 5...Quite interesting....Kat dunia luar ni....terdapat ramai transgender...golongan ini seperti juga sama juga seperti lesbian and gay....tak diterima.....bukannya tak diterima lansung...cuma...biasalah persepsi orang....

Klu golongan ni...aku tak tau nak cakap simpati ka apa....ni sebab dorang macam memang dicipta terbalik...tubuh lelaki, but everything is like a girl....tak macam gay or lesbian, becouse they just have the instinct of the other gender....so?? pendapat korang macam mana??? memang patut tak perkara seperti transgender ni berlaku....sometime....they do all that operation not for their satisfiction, but they think its just right for them....Masa aku buat folio pasal ni, aku tengok transgender ni cantik2 and hensem2...so kadang2 aku dengan kawan2 confius....ni transgander ka tulen.....dorang nampak sempurna sangat sebagai manusia.

Im not sure bout this then....sebab aku bukan kat tempat dorang, aku tak tau apa fikira dengan isi hati dorang....kita boleh menilai orang sesuka hati kita....kadang2 tepat....tapi kadang2 jauh tersasar.Tapi yang pasti...manusia ni unik....dan semestinya hanya Tuhan tahu sebab dan akibat bagi setiap kejadian dan perbuatan....

Kadang2 aku terfikir....for those yang muslim, is this legal to the religion?? Aku pernah bertanya, ustazah kat sekolah aku cakap, dia tak pasti, tapi sapa2 yang dilahirkan begini, harus pilih, want to be a man or girl...sebab di tengah2....macam mana nak pilih kalau dah besar baru tau...erk.... ustazah tak dapat jawap, aku lagilah blank....gila kan aku...seorang non-muslim tanya benda tu...memang nak kena pelangkung...sib bek ustazah tu baik...hehehe

Banyak soalan yang aku tertanya2 sejak aku meningkat dewasa...semuanya tak masuk akal....sampai kadang2 aku rasa....aku ni dah gila...

19 May 2009

tense in the air

Happiness...argh!!! bTeenda yang susah aku nak dapat tau....there is one person, apa jak yang aku buat...everything salah....i really out of mood...

Poll


unspeakable...

Erm...rindunya aku dengan blog ni...lama tak jenguk...for the follower yang selalu baca blog ni (ada ka?hehehe) im sory....for any comment, award, tag or permintaan...it will take time...When i really have the time...than i will do k...


Entry aku pasal love...well..im not talking about love= cinta but im talking about love= kasih sayang. Setuju tak klu aku cakap, semua makhluk kat bumi ni perlukan perhatian dan juga kasih sayang? Kalu pendapat aku, aku setuju dengan statement tu...Biar baby, kanak-kanak, remaja, dewasa dan orang tua semua perlukan perhatian dan kasih sayang....

Tapi aku perasan satu benda, kebanyakkan kita dambakan kasih sayang dari orang yang sangat kita sayangi contohnya parents, sibling, lover and friends..But in my observation about myself, aku tak dapat fully intention (sibling dan parents of course sayang aku,tiap2 ari kiss) how about lover and friends?? Abaikan lover,sebab aku single...im talking about love from friends and to a friend. Orang cakap aku ramah and aku banyak kawan....i dunno bout that...but i think mybe its true coz bila aku pi mana2, ada ja yag kena tapi aku tak cam dorang coz aku ni pelupa especially for thing yang aku jarang buat and person yang aku jarang jumpa. Aku dah keluar tajuk dah ni...hehehe

Bestfriend aku berapa orang jer lah...kawan2 ramai juga....tapi aku sedih dan perasan satu benda...bila kawan kita kritik kita...for a good thing or bad things...reaksi kita...should i said neutral! for example my friends said said...

"Mel, ko apahal makin gemuk ni?" and me reply!!!

"Biasalah,nda puas makan kan...huahua!!"

Huh?? boleh pula slumber gitu...what if outsider tanya the same thing...my answer would be

"What the hell you cares!!!"

Gezzz....why could it be sedangkan intention both people mungkin sama untuk bertanya...It was a reflect answer...Kadang2 aku kesia dengan outsider tu....Is it becouse of our love inside us for our friend made us hypocrite...or its just me that being abnormal??

Lagi satu situasi yang terbalik...when something happen to us...people that just now us slightly care much than people that know us for years...Example macam aku dengan blog ni, dengan readers blog....apa yang aku fikir dan aku taip ni tetap sama dengan apa yang aku akan kongsi cerita dengan kawan2 aku....maybe di blog aku kongsi lebih banyak lah....tapi reaki yang aku terima, erm...how should i say...im shocked!!..People di alam maya ni, lebih ambik berat dengan aku dan story2 aku but kawan2 aku, they just said.

"Dugaan ko lah tu."

Is that enough to make me feel better?? i dunt think so, thats why, aku dah tak pernah kongsi cerita sangat dengan kawan2 aku aku lebih suka luahkan di blog, at least someone care bout me and my story. For my friend and i know not everyone, they thought aku ni wanita besi...Yeah..tey said it yang aku ni wanita besi. Cekal dengan segala cabaran and problem solver since aku selalu jadi pakar kaunselling dorang....aku tak paham...tak semestinya aku tahu bagi idea kat orang untuk try selesaikan masalah aku tau untuk selesaikan masalah sendiri pula!!!

Aku rasa benda ni mungkin jadi kat aku sorang and maybe to others....i dunno....aku yakin sekarang, Love is complicated...

14 May 2009

Something that i need to do

First of all, aku memang nak minta maaf kat semua follower aku yang left messge kat shout box tpi belum reply...any tag or award, mel ambik and buat kemudian k...And thanks juga sebab selalu jenguk blog ni walaupun takde pape pun katt sini...


Sekarang ni....my dad perlukan pertolongan dari aku selaku ana sulung dia...keadaan agak kucar kacir sekarang....so aku memang kena luangkan masa kat kedai bpa aku lebih dari luangkan masa kat rumah....memang aku pernah cakap kat entry before yang cuti ni aku nak cuti puas2 and nak tido puas2....tapi...aku kena dahulkan tangungjawab aku sebagai anak...penat tak payah cakaplah..macam dah sebati dengan hidup aku..Keadaan ekonomi yang agak gawat...tmbah lagi aku yang sambung stdy kat IPTA...tak pula ambik ptptn...so keadaan ekonomi keluarga dan kedai agak berterabur since datuk aku yang belah mama aku kena strok haritu...so dad aku sibukkan hal tu ja sampai terabai hal lain...Hutang orang kat kedai bapa aku mencecah puluh ribu tapi tak kurang juga hutang ayah aku yang beribu kat orang lain....so lepas aku balik ni...aku kena tolong ayah aku handle kedai sementra dia urusk sebab menguruskanan hal hutang menghutang ni. Tak tenang hidup berhutang ayah aku cakap....

Macam2 pengalaman ada kat kedai tu...biasalah kedai kg....so penduduk dia aku dah fimiliar biar pun aku jarang kat sana sebab jarang ada kat rumah sebab study jauh....Satu benda yang aku nampak, pemuda dan pemudi kg tu....aku taklah baik sangat tapi bila tengok perangai dorang....seram juga aku....

Tapi aku gembira juga sebab kg tu makin terkenal sebab kawasan perlancongan...terdapat 5 lokasi perlancongan yang didirikan berhampiran kedai bpa aku....ada peluang jumpa tourist...kadang2 lawak tengok telatah dorang...tapi banyak2 tourist, 2 jenis yang aku ada masalah....tourist dari China yang purata tak tahu cakap english...yang ni aku serah kat bpa aku sebab bpa aku pandai cakap semua dialek Cina..yang kedua Europe....sepatah haram aku tak faham english dorang...dalam sangat...pening kepala aku.....

Erm...aku pun tak tau entry aku ni based on what.,..seku sebenarnya pening....masih berfikir nak buat macam mana untuk esok....so melalut kat blog...sorry ek...hehehe

11 May 2009

Mother's Day

Banyak blogger yang menulis pasal mothers day...rasanya ni giliran aku pula...tapi aku rasa aku malas nak berceloteh panjang coz mesti boring juga klu nak buat entry panjang2...


Sepatutnya mothers day 10 may kan...tapi sebab aku sibuk tolong bpa aku kat kedai dia...so aku cuma dapat menyambut arini...Aku dengan adik2 aku rancang nak buat malam ni....so belilah kek...dengan lawaknya...kitaorang keluar dengan my mom....adik aku bawa mom aku pergi kedai lain sementara aku pergi cari kek...lepas pertimbangkan flavour kegemaran mama aku, warna kegemaran and decoration....so dapatlah kek yang dicari...Cost....just RM30....

Lepas tu...kitaorang kena tipu my mom pula kononnya beli kek tu untuk kawan my lil sis...hahaha.....my mom ok jer.,..mesti malam ni dia suprise....silap2 kena ketuk kepala sebab menipu...I have nothing to give her...coz apa pun...takkan setanding dengan pengorbanan dia kat kami 3 beradik...orang lain mungkin bagi hadiah fancy....bagi poem...tapi kami 3 beradik....the best behavior jelah yang kami dapat bagi sebagai hadiah...macam2 yang dah my mom lalui nak besarkan kami.....so we think...the best behavior and become her best and good princesses the only present that she want and what we can give...
Love you mom....

On my 19th birthday

10 May 2009

Award lagi!!

Huhuhu....2 hari aku tak online coz tolong my dad kat kedai dia...bz...thats y tak online tagi...bila check blog dapat pula dua lagi award...tq sangat....u guys so sweet....ni menambah lagi semangat nak buat award tuk korang semua...hehehe....im still trying...huhu...ni dia award yang aku dapat...


1.Award dari Dilot


2.Award dari Shafril


08 May 2009

Award

Kali ni aku dapat lagi dua award dari fiza...tq fiza sebab bagi 2 award sekali...hehehe....aku pun terpikir nak bagi award pada siapa2 yang rajin lawat blog aku...nanti aku try buat ek...hehehe...anyway ni award dari fiza





Tag from asis


Wah...first time aku kena tag banyak gini sekali oleh orang yang sama...huhuhu....tapi takpe...untuk awak saya jawab juga asis...even sya dah berpeluh2 sekarang....hahaha....


1) Do you think you are hot?
Im just ordinary girl
2) upload a favourite picture of you..


3) Why do you like that picture?
Pic ni 4 bulan lepas..baru jer siap mandi...muka masih fresh...sya suka gambar ni sebab nampak muda since orang cakap muka saya macam orang tua...muahaha
4) When was the last time you ate pizza?
Last 2 month
5) The last song you listen to?
Puisi Hamba-Ella
6) What name do you prefer beside yours?
Ellyna Elinz (Name that my mom might give when she was pregnent of me but my dad wantto put my name as melin)
7) People to tag?
I would like o tag:
  1. Ola
  2. Dilot
  3. Mr Luffy
  4. Pakcik Dot
8) Who is number one?
Teman Se-negeri
9) Number three is having relationship with?
No idea, still baru berkenalan...hehehe
10) Say something about number five?
There is no 5...hahaha
11) How about number four?
He is fun
12) Say something about no two?
Baru kenal tapi selalu tinggalkan komen...tq for all the comment
NEXT
1)ANda lebih suka karipap sardin atau karipap kentang
karipap kentang
2)Anda suka air kelapa atau air tebu?
Air Kelapa
3)Apa pandangan anda menegenai isu tumbuh jerawat selepas makan kacang?
Memang tak suka kacang....muahaha...
4)Anda paling tertarik dengan lelaki/perempuan yang macam mana?
Lelaki yang caring dan gentleman
5)Apakah perkara yang wajib anda buat sebelum tidur?
-Berus Gigi
-Basuh Muka
-Minum segelas air
-Check hp in-case esoknya ada event
NEXT LAGI
1)Andai ada orang menghina ahli keluarga anda,apakah yang akan anda buat?
Memang mati orang tu aku kerjakan
2)Adakah anda akan menolong rakan anda yang dalam kesusahan walaupun dia pernah khianati anda?
Yups...nature aku yang suka tolong orang yg memerlukan
3)Andai besok adalah hari terakhir anda hidup,apakah perkara yang anda ingin buat sebelum mati?
Minta maaf kat semua dan selesaikan hutang yang belum selesai
4)Adakah anda akan pilih orang yang anda cintai atau orang yang anda sayangi sebagai pasangan hidup?
Aku pilih orang yang cintakan aku dan sayangkan aku sebab klu pilih yang aku sayang dan aku cinta belum tentu orang tu syg or cintakan aku balik..
5)Apakah yang membuatkan anda bersemangat untuk hidup sekarang?
Adik2 dan keluarga bergantung kat aku
6)Andaikan masa dapat diputarkan balik,apakah yang anda ingin betulkan?
Kisah Silam
7)Adakah anda akan give-up jika perkara yang anda lakukan asyik gagal?
Tidak...aku bukan orang jenis macam tu....tapi mungkin kadang2 kot
8)Adakah anda akan memaafkan orang yang telah merosakkan hidup dan kerjaya anda?
Ya asalkan dia mahu minta maaf sebab maaf menunjukkan dia menyedari kesilapan
9)Andaikan kawan anda menghidap penyakit berjangkit,adakah anda masih berkawan dengan dia?
Ya...sebagai kawan patutnya kita yang membantu bukan melarikan diri
10)Sesetengah orang mengatakan budak2 amatlah menyusahkan.Apa pandangan anda?
Hahaha....betul....aku pun budak2 yang menyusahkan mak bapa dulu
11) Orang yang mahu ditagged
Taknak lah....cukuplah tadi...huhuhu 
AT LAST!!!
1. Where is the person that has your heart at the moment?
-Around me
2.Could you handle a long distance relationship?
Yups....pernah long distance love for 2 years....
3. When’s the last time you said you were fine, but you really weren’t?
2 days ago
4. When is your birthday?
18 june
5. Relationships or One Night Stands?
relationship of course
6. Have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?
Yups
7. Has anyone ever told you they love you?
Yes
8. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
3 months ago
9. When was the last time you were disappointed?
1 week ago
10. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you?
I think yes
11. What happened at 9 am today?
Preparing my sis to school....umur dah 14 nak juga kakak dia uruskan..
12. What were you doing 1 hour ago?
Cooking for dinner...huhu
13.What was the last thing you said aloud?
Pergi mandi!!! Kejap lagi dinner....hahaha
14. What was the last thing you bought?
Bhan2 masak tomyam....my lil sis nak makan 
15. What’s bothering you right now?
Nothing....just feelig good finally at home
16. Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
Yups
17. Do you sleep alot?
Nope...
18. What’s the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
Take a cold shower
19. What were you doing at 10 last night?
Blogging
20. If someone liked you, would you like them to tell you?
I dunt mind
21. Do you enjoy late night phone convos?
Not at all
22. Will you be sleeping alone tonight?
Nope...my sister will follow me....
23. Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now?
nope..
24. Do you have a reason to smile right now?
yes.. coz my sis make a silly joke right after she get back from school
25. Who is the last person you got pissed of at?
Dunt remember
26. Do you want someone you can’t have?
No...im not thatkind of person
27. Connection between you and the last person who texted you?

good friend

28. Is someone on your mind right now?

I think im blank
29. Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time?
Yes
30. People you tagged :
No more....hehehe

Gambar masa Matriks

Ni gambar bilik aku masa di matriks...ada pelajar matriks yang baru mau tau keadaan di sana...so aku post gambar bilik aku...


Tempat Sidai Baju
Antara Ruang dalam bilik tidur
Meja Study
Ruang study
Loker
Kawasan Katil


p/s:Abaikan permandangan yang tak sepatutnya...hehehe