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31 October 2009

First aid Kit vs trust

The title just so weird right....but this stupid thing torn my feeling and my trust apart to PRIMU 100%... Well...its been a long time i didnt talk about PRIMU here...it just...i think i lost my interest and my love for PRIMU...from previous old entries...i might said that i would stay for PRIMU until this club become strong....Now i dunt....and if posible...i would like to get out from PRIMU as soon as possible...Some of the Higher Commitee in PRIMU just annoying and pissed me off not just me but a lot other members who already left PRIMU...but i just shut my mouth since i dunt want to be label SENSITIVE MORE OFTEN..well...i dunno where got wrong...a few of Higher committee said im too sensitive and easily pissed off...well...they didnt know i've tried like hell to control and be fake infront of them...its not myself....but just for their damn satisfaction...i just become plastic...


I love them...sure i did...but sometimes...people need their own space and need people to respect them....Today really make me like want to kill asaqni...maybe its not his fault....i understand...just cant help it...Let me tell the situation...and tell me...would u feel the same way as i do right now...pissed off and feel that i cant be trusted....I would like to know...

"Last sunday....group of student went to Sentubong Mountain. Among them....there is a girl...FAT GIRL...NAMED MELIN (THATS ME!!!) who would like or i prefer...forced to come since she got the duty...to prepare breakfast for the whole team....wake up at 3 a.m and start making breakfast with her friend until 6 am...tired and sleepy but the fat girl satisfied..WHY?? Because the breakfast for her LITTLE FAMILY KNOWN AS PRIMU....Thanks to Faiz, farrah, dibah and Ain for helping me early in the morning...especially farrah becouse even though she is not one of our FAMILY...she still willing to help.... after waiting for few hours....at least...departed from UNIMAS and go fot sentubong...could not sleep since they were too noisy...maybe they were excited...9:30 arrived....did some exercise too loosen up... Start hiking....few minutes..Problem start....this FAT GIRL START TO TROUBLE THE HIGH COMMITTEE...Could go on...not enough rest+leg still injured due to slip from stairs week before and most important...SHE IS FAT!! really regret to come because if not because of me...Naim ER,Diela, Syam and Kak Cha2 wont stuck with me....Need time coz its my first time.....i really hate myself that time...until even they try to cheer me up...i couldnt smile...want to jump to from the hill also got... At one point...Naim ER ask from permission to go first to see other group that stop ahead us...we just let him go...He ask me nicely..

"Melin...do u need first aid kit...if yes i will leave it to you.." i answered no coz i got my own medicine....The HE START RUNNING WITH THE FIRST AID KIT WITH HIM THROUGH THE FOREST....

after nearly an hout we arrived to Bukit Puteri...I decided to stop there permanently because enough trouble for them already....after a while...we went down....waiting for the others at the side of the road...."

Then 2 days ago....asaqni called me but i didnt answer coz i dunno the number...then he msg me...asking if the first aid kit that NAIM BRING IS WITH ME OR NOT???!! Huh??im confused...i check my beg...empty...futhermore...the first aid kit is big...so if true i did brought it back accidentially...i would noticed it at the moment i clean up my room the next day...I said no....then i told him what happen...then Kak Cha2 msg me asking the same question...i start to feel weird.... but i assume they search for the 1st aid together and coincidently both asking the same person....but this evening asaqni asking me the same question...i started to pissed off...they dunt trust me or what!! Am i a theft???

I told my rumate about this...and Faiz...well they also kindda pissed off.. and said they were not responsible. they even said....they afraid naim told them lie....i wont said that...coz i dunno what to say anymore...my heart torn....

Make me mad...on the same time..make me sad and want to cry....people that i said my family....didnt trust me?? Its okay....just one semester to go...after that...they no need to see me again....no worries...The theft will leave soon...

24 October 2009

funny but embarrasing

Today i went out with some of my friend...not for fun but in the mission to find things to prepare breakfast for all my dear family in PRIMU..we decide to go to Sentubong Mountain tommorrow morning... So the Project leader ask me and Shedy to become AJK makanan...Food again....haiya...since i got here i always under AJK Makanan...I dunno why....But nevermind...ins not that hard if got people help me and as usual...i drag Faiz along to help me..muahaha....


The committee already decided to make sandwich for breakfast along with drinking water.... Fist destination we went to desa Ilmu....If u araund here (Kota Semarahan) you would know where is it...we went to EVERISE since my friends said some of the things here is cheap....After i get what we should get we went to UNACO...not very far away...hunting for cheap mineral water...

Here, we saw the funny things.....we were searching for nearest parking lot since later we need to carry 5 boxes of drinking water... Faiz saw a couple...at first we didn't realize...then she said..."Hahaha. i thought they were couple...it appears they were son and mom" I look at her with question mark in my head...she point to the couple she meant...no wonder...the mother look young and they wear some colour...but i dunt know how at last she realize they were not couple...Lazy to ask...

Next i saw a couple in Unaco...Holding hand...I guess...Father and daughter if i look to their appearance.. So sudden the guy kissed the girl in the lips...huh!!! Im shocked...then i realized...the Guy address the girl as sayang....gulp!!! I just walk away from there as quickly as i could....i didnt tell my friends about this...

Im wondering....yeah i know love got no boundaries in age or who u are but still it weird kay!! I thinks thats all for today...im tired...need some rest...and tommorrow need to get up at 3 a.m...Yaikssss.....

23 October 2009

When fear coming to be real

What do u guys think when ur fear become real and true?? It not really good rite... What if Ur fear become true in ur dream?? Its weird and it more sucks since u could not get it out from ur head... This is what happen to me....


This 2 days...whenever i fall asleep i would dream...Im not kindda of person that easily dreaming in my sleep.....But this dream really disturbing me....My greatest fear in the world...become true and seems real in my dream...Maybe u guys wondering...wat is my fear? Well...since a while ago...my greatest fear is my little sister...She is my angel but she is no angel to the family....She kindda hard to control...but with me, she become a very good girl since she only afraid to me than anyone else including my parents...Besides me.....she is a troublemaker in the family...she will do whatever she could either in the right way or bad way to get whatever she want in her life...

At the very young age she know how to put some make-up, wearing nice dress when going out...she really mind about how she looks....Her social...she like to have friends but her friends are not a good kids...It worrieds me until sometime i need to interfere with children business in order to protect herself and her dignity....Im so tired to like that....and ashamed also for someime,,,,but i know that what sister should do....Whe we grow up....things become worse...She started to talk back to our parent with loud voice....start to violent herself and her friend and stop talking to my sister and even me...She only speak to her sister when needed only... It really bothers me..How come siblings didnt talk at all??

I tried to make things better...instead of scolding her or beat her up...i use words...playing with her emotion....make her to picture things when we were gone...Slowly it got her back...but i was told by my mom and my dad...since i was gone for matriks and now unimas...she getting weirder...Im so worried that she will become wild and worse than before...A lot my friends advise me to look after my younger sister even though they met her for the first time....They seem could guess something bad...

Back to my dream this two days...I dream her violence... im sure both of my dream are different storyline but the way she hurt me is the same...she hurt me with injection needle. She stabbed at my back..and when i woke up...damn...my back hurt like hell...like i felt it....even just 4 a while...she even hurt my parents....i dunno...its really wierd...i know its only a dream..but i cant bear the pain...pain in my heart when i think about it....i hope...dream only a dream...

20 October 2009

Live your life

Hai guys, nothing really interesting today….just I think im not doing well in my soil mechanics test today. The question were unexpected, well not really like our lectured did pictured it to us last week but I still try to do my best coz if im not and just give up, its not worthy to stay awake till 7 am.

This week is the last week of lecture, that’s mean next week is study week, yet I still have a few activities to attend until this Monday…. So I think I would only start on Wednesday since I need my rest on Tuesday…Hope so this semester I could do better. Hope so I could study without any problem or disturbance in the study week since this 2 semester, whenever final is around the corner, there will like trillion problem which affected my emotion.. Im really bad in handling emotion….I dunno why….So far this sem, nothing happen…Maybe just small problem that I think I already get over. I think I truly neutral right now…just please pray for my success. I would need that….

It is 1 more month before I can go home…well, missing home already…especially both of my angels, my breath and my life….I really miss them, really wanna hug them and chat whole night talking about girls stuff, about our past, our present, future and some sisterhood problem like we used to do before… This a few days, I started to call them every night.. My daily life seem not complete if I didn’t hear their voice…People may say im crazy…but they were the only reason I still breathing today…still alive like you see…. They were and always be my strength. I’m lucky my mom did not give up having another child even though im 5 that time..large gap to have siblings but still…God gave us a precious present ever…

My friends used to ask, why did I called them my angels even in my phone I would put their number as my angels and my sweetheart. For me, angels is someone that have a pure heart. They would save and guide people. That what my sisters do to me. They did save my life once…They stopped me from hung myself when im 10…They might still small that time…around 5 and 4 years old…but they understand what im saying and what I try to do. .. Just one simple question from them stopped me and I swear, only God could take my life ever since. They ask…” Are we bad enough to be ur sister until u want to leave us? If yes, we were sorry, we will pray to god to give u other sisters and take us away but please don’t leave, mommy and daddy would need u…”

I hold on until today because of them…They guide me and show me the way when Im lost…I know its my job to do so as elder sister, it just sometime they more mature than me and my life was not colorful as others…I have my own dark side which I dont want people to know, but to my concern how long I could keep it… I try my best to complete their life with love…when holidays I would work so I could give them what they want…Yes its hard and tired, but everything for them… I always try to be there when they need me, I try my best to give advise when they need one… I dunt want they go through what they were not suppose to experience.

My story maybe seem like fiction…but that is my life…. I have to bright sisters but unfortunately for them, im not really good sister… I know…sometimes they wished im not their sisters……

p/s: I hope what written in here will not be discuss and talk outside or in front me…You might leave comment and ur opinion here, I would appreciate it and you could judge me…go on…just please respect me when outside…What in the blog…please let it stay here…

19 October 2009

2nd entry for today: my attitude

hola guys... another entry for today...well i realize sumthing else...weird and funny for me... Well...when ever i really furious to someday....i always said...i feel want to kill him / her... i dunno why....or sometime..if i want to be alone, yet people go see me asking how am i doing i will answer the same thing... Its not really i meant to kill the person....even though i want to...i know im not capable...huhuhu.... Its not nice to hear...but i just automatically come out from my mouth... Y is it huh?? Im wondering...


One more thing....when im shocked....i use to said Oh my God...now im using OMG!! The same thing actually...but this OMG thing i know y...because my frens used to said this...so i think its kindda cool...erm...dunno lah...but some of my other friends said its irritating but who care, it not something bad to say...heee

Who cares..... another sentence i like to said...This one...it shows that im not really comfortable or dont like about something or whatever...like....for example...hey melin...isnt she wear the same shirt yesterday?....u definitely will get that "who cares!!" from me...hehehe

If you are talking to me..and i just like... nodded...smile...and then...oh yeah...i see...interesting...okay!! huh...that mean...."what the heck u r saying" This is because sometimes...im not intersting with the story...or im lost while you are telling ur story...its normal...when people get excited he or she just like...hey u know..blah blah blah then i dunt know whay blah blah blah....i barely cant understand or hear....

Its funny to think about my attitude...but everyone have their own ways right..

Getting better

First of all, tq for all the comment that i received in my blog and facebook regarding my post about i fall from the stairs... I just share what happen to my daily life, not for sympathize like some people said but i still grateful for all the concerns from all my friends....tq guy...u make my day bright even though th pain at my back and my shoulder bothered me a lot yesterday... Now everything okay...still feel the pain a little at my back, shoulder and knee but it is much better....nothing serious...


Today, i try to prepare myself for tomorrow exam but unfortunately, i could not focus with wha im doing...i only could focus in certain time but just a few minutes....Dunno what happen to me...a lot of things really bugging me...first about myself...how am i doing for all this sem... My sisters...how are they doing in their exam...is it all right...my parents, are they grateful and happy to have daughter like me.... Am i a good daughter and a good sister for both of my sisters? Am i a good friend to all people that know me, that become my friend... Do i respect others like they want to? Its confusing...i dont know why it is so sudden all the question come to my head...if only i could answer all the questions....

Well its been like 2 week i didnt talk much with. carol, my roomate....quite strange becouse she so bubbly and sometime feel want to selotape her mouth.... Its started when i questioned her one evening if she have a earphone or headphone since she watch mvie in her pc...the sound quite loud to me.... I felt disturbed but at first i just cover my ear with my pillow and it doest work. I felt sleepy and so tired that evening since i didnt sleep a night before in order to finish my assgnment....mybe the way i ask quit harsh... Now we just talk if it is needed....quite strange but in fact...it is much better this way.... her way and my way were totally different...yes she older than me...but since she is the youngest and only daughter in her family, she kind of 'manja'...

Well thats not really type of my friends that i like...it fun to be friend with them....but in some situation... i think they are annoying.... at first...i just try o understand her and just follow what she said what she want since i respect her as senior since she was diploma student...Unfrtunately, my patience like come to zero... she critics me and my attitude just like that and i always like "SNAP!!!" she critics how close me to my sister than my parents, like i forget about my parent and didnt care much about their feeling... well....people can insult me...but to comment or critics how nicely i try to treat my sisters, give them what they want and give priority to them, i could kill the person.....She dont know what have i gone through in my life...the pain... the saddest.... biggest secret i need to keep for a 11 years.... My sisters, they always there for me....they always bright my days.... Yes i sure love my parents....but to be truth...they were one of my scar... Scar that haunt me till im death...i love forgive them...and really love my parents...it just....not everything we could let it go.. Carol...she have a perfect family...so thats why she would not understand...

I like the way we are now....at least there is nothing that could make me mad at her anymore....More important....i could do what i want...i could sleep whenever i want...eat whenever and where i want and be alone while im eating... take my bath whenever i want..... and while im busy doinf my work...nobody disturbe me..... I like to be like this....

You can say im cruel....i dunt mind....it just it for my own good...

17 October 2009

New Update

Hmm...its been a while since my last update...its been a tiring and crazy week for me and perhaps for all the civil's student here.... The work load that given to us driving me crazy....Its been a few nights i didnt get enough sleep until last night...i sleep early last night..coz i felt tired and plus some part of my body bruises coz a fall from the stairs last night...my shoulder and knee really in pain right now...especially my right shoulder...Thank God the box that i carried only random stuff not a box full of boxes that my senior carried...Actually my senior text me last night ask for help...since my creadit not enough to reply her...i just get downstairs to her room just using slippery slipper...When i got there...she asked me to carry a few boxes downstairs to her mom cars...its okay with me....but the box quit big so really minimize my view...I try to be careful since i know my slipper would easily slip, but unfortunately....DOOM!!! My back really hurt....and my chest really in pain since the box fall on top of me...


After i went back to my home..i really like a flat-tyre...dont have energy...my body hurt..so i thought it is better to have a rest for while..unfortunately...i fall asleep...and this morning....i wake up early...Need to do some assignments...I need to finish all this assignment by tonight since tommorrow i need to spare my time to study for soil mechanics test on monday...

Im worry i wont be able to finish it by tonight...since...my right shoulder really killing me right now...my movement are minimize... Plus this evening got bowling ....im death!!!!

14 October 2009

Dancing was my passion

Hai guys.....its been a long time since my last update..Well this week being so crazy...i really feel like i could not handle it....but still im trying to hold on... Now, i am taking a break from my assignment... All this assginment make me crazy...plus....3 more week to exam...YAIKSS!!


Well...dancing....yups...dancing was my passion...i love to dance a few year ago...I can express myself through movement without any harm to myself especially when im mad..but now....its imposibble.... I think you know why....if not...read this post, i did wrote a bit about this.

Why all this thing come to my mind now?? I dunt know....just i miss the moment where i could dance...

09 October 2009

Friendship for a lifetime

Hi dear friends, it s been a long time since my last entry, sorry for that. I suppose post this entry last week but im too busy to online so i just type it in the Notepad and only post it today.

Last week when i was FB-ing, i found a great video.Its a true story about 2 friend who bought a cub when they so him in the cage in town for sold. They keep him at pet him with love..but unfortunately,he grow to fast and they couldn't keep it anymore. The only thing they could do is to let him be familiar with africa, w new home for the lion which is his true nature.A few years later, they came back to see the lion. I guess they miss him coz they love the lion so much and since they took good care of him since he was little. Unfortunately, the ranger said, the lion already become a head for his own pride, so he would totally become wild and dangerous. Beside that, there is possibility that the lion forgot who are they and attack them. They were disappointed but they didn't give up. They still go to search for the pride. The search come to end and there was the lion that they raise.. It is unbelievable, the lion stunned when he saw them and come running towards them and cuddle with them. The lion still remember his earlier owner!!! This isthe part i cry, the lion seem missing them so much. He even introduces to the friend his wife.

Love and friendship don't have any boundaries, even animal understand what is friendship and love is.I don't understand why human, with a brain and who could think wisely could not respect and worthy the love and the friendship among human. The video triggered my memories, something that i nearly forgot. 7 year ago, when i was in form 1, i got trouble with some of my friends a.k.a my classmate, they jealous at me for nothing. Its really killing me... Fortunately, i had a bestfriend, her name Lynn. She didn't talk so much and other student like to make fun with her.. So far everything just so fine and even though we sit side by side, we like to write a letter for each other, every secret that hard to say, since we hate and afraid when people eavesdropping on us. Everything fine until she fall in love with our senior. She did ask me what i thought if she couple with the senior since our senior did ask her to become his girlfriend. The truth, i didn’t like it, not because I’m jealous but i realize since they become close,her study totally a disaster. Its hard for me to help her in her study anymore. After i a while, i just say that its okay with it since i need to consider her feelings too. Unfortunately, she starts to forget me and rarely spent time with me and no more letter from her, and only reply my letter after 2 or 3 weeks after that. I’m just fine with it .

After a while she accused me that i start to forget her. I was totally in shocked. I asked myself, Who forget who actually but i just want to make things better SO I just apologies for something i didn't do.When form 4, we were separated. I went for science term and she went to accounting class. We still contact as usual, like the same way we used to but we just not so closed anymore, maybe because i was to busy with my endless activities. This is when he broke up with our senior. Maybe they had a problem with time and seeing each other since my senior already done his SPM. Well, as usual, Lynn just like crazy, lost someone she love and like so much. Besides that they broke up after our senior confessed that he got another affair. Lynn couldn't accept the fact. My friends and i try to comfort her and ask her to forget him.We thought everything would be fine. Unfortunately it is not.

2 year later, i went for my matriculation and her continue her form 6 at our school. We still contacted each other via phone. One day she confesses that she went to meet our senior (her ex-bf) and ask him to accept her back. She dunt care if she need to give her body to him!!! Oh my God...Thats really make me mad and dissapointed..Where is her pride? She is a women, we all know what is most important thing for a women. I just talk softly to her and give advise to her and think wisely. So sudden she becomes mad. I told her, what i said becouse i love her, i dunt want she to do something stupid for something that not worthy for her. She become more furious and said i didnt understand her. She ask me to leave her alone and never contact her again... Friendship for 5 years just end like that for something stupid?? Now, she lost me and even the guy he like since the guy insist to accept her. I felt pity for her, i did miss her.

Fortunately, last day before i come here to Unimas, i met her and try to make thing better. Thank God she is not stubborn anymore, we become friend but BFF...i dunt think so./I'm not punishing her. It just i still hurt with what she did to me.. He choose a guy more than me, her friend.

P/s: im sorry that my english are not good enough....

04 October 2009

Going Out

Hai...today i went out...my destination was crown plaza a.k.a Parkson...Im going there for 3 reason...first, got UNIMAS trnsport since i dunno how to drive and im alone. Well i dunt like walking alone...if got company i dunt care how far i need to walk...second reason...Mooncake...Today oredi mooncake festival a.k.a "Pesta tanglung" which mean...today is kind of the last day they sell mooncake...I just realize that today is the last day after my mom called me last night and asking me wheather i did buy mooncake for myself to eat... Well..its only once a year and i love mooncake...so sure i dunt want to miss it this year...Mooncake were so special...i love the taste and how it look..more important...i admired the story behind the mooncake festival.. And then 3rd reason...i want to get myself a malay novel...Yes i like to ready malay novel even though i'm mixed chinese...Well...im so tired mentally and physically, so why shouldn,t i treat myself nicely right...Futhermore, i want to apply Popular Bookstore Membercard. I love to buy malay novel but now the price is getting expensive from time to time...


Something interesting happened while im enjoying my lunch at KFC. Gosh it was too crowded even though its already 3 pm...Lucky me...as soon i arrived i spot a perfect place. Well i like to observe people...Human is interesting so i enjoying it...like watch a long movie...just the difference...they are not acting...that what make them and make the "story" interesting...I get myself Snack plate and cheezy wedges...enjoying my food while watching the " movie" in front me... at my back...there were 2 young boy having their dinner...from what i see they look like 13-15 years old...nothing interesting about them at first...just some guy talk...i dunt bother about them at first...Until 2 girls come out and walking toward them...i though they were the guy girlfriend...i admire the girls sense of fashion...Since the girls talk quite loud...i can heard them clearly...the girls begging the guy to lend them some money.Huh!!! I stop eating...is it right what i did heard...I listen carefully what they are saying...(yeah i know its not good, my curiosity seek for an answer..hehehe)Guess why the girls want to borrow some money from the girls?? Unexpected...The Girls's Boyfriends want to watch another movie... but they dunt have enough money to buy the ticket...feeling ashamed...they ask for money from their friends...Its so extra ordinary... Seriously...in my life....it is the first time i heard a situation like this....

Then i'm waiting for Unimas' bus at the bus stop...still early so i just texting with Faiz and listening to Mp3....Another Movie to watch...well outside's story much more interesting....dunt want to tell bout it...it quite embarrassing. Just let me keep it for myself...hehehe

Just now i went for blog walking again...well...i realize something...people's blog got a lot i mean A LOTTT!!! of picture...but mine...just a few... look boring to read....but maybe i rather write it down than show u guy visually...Thats all for today...im still quite tired even though i already slept for 3 hours.daa