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28 September 2010

very very short update

Hai guys...i know it like already a month since my last update....i have a lot of stuff to do now....so i dunt really have time to blog....but i will try my best next week okay...Love u guys

08 September 2010

what do you thisnk should be the philosophy of life in this world

Everyone in this world are just same...there are no difference between us even we come from different background and nationality. Besides that, problem that burden us, is a new chance...take it positively..

Ask me anything

05 September 2010

im blessed

hi guys...this will be third entries for today...actually the last 2 entries were meant for yesterday....but i lost track on time...its already around 2-3 am when i posted it...my bad...So how are you guys doing...i hope everything will just perfectly fine....i will always pray for u guys readers. Without u guys....there will no blog for me to write..u guys was a blessing from God that encourage me to go from day to day.... As i said before...i will keep writing and continue sharing my stories even there only one reader....but im blessed...because each day...the visitors of this blog always 20-50 persons...this number make me happy...even though i haven't posted anything yet...the number still up to 20...I really don't care how u reach my blog....perhaps you don't event read it....but its okay with me..because....among 20 visitor...still have 1 or 2 that will read my entries.

Besides that my follower become from 44 persons to 59 person...just within 8 months....maybe its not much....but for me its more than enough...its warm my heart when people want to read my entries and become part of my life...yes guys...u are part of my life....part where i can seek happiness and calmness...Every time i feeling sad and happy...u guys are the first one come to my mind...yes it is....unfortunately because of my limited hour....i don't have any choice except updating this blog once a while....I really appreciate it....

Another normal questions that i get was how did i decorate my blog....well...its actually pretty easy...next time...i will teach you how....i was a beginner when i change my blog look...so that is the simplest thing that i manage to create just using a few tools from the net....u guys should explore yourself...simply Google blogs' template or blogs' background and similar stuff....I hate to break this to u guys....it is time consuming... for me...im taking almost 15 hours to explore and finish it and to make sure...all my current and oldest stuff still there....u need to play a bit with it coding...

Besides you guys...i have another friend...i'm bless to know him and have him as my friend....we were in the same class since i was first year here in civil engineering..He even become my group mate in few occasion...His name is Mellvyn....check his blog guys....Anything But Ordinary..He is my dearest friend here...but sadly....i have give him a lot of trouble each time...recently i ask him to buy packet of rice....*sigh*... i didn't meant to order him around...unfortunately i cant drive so i have to ask for his help occasionally...no..no..no...always ask for his help....

I always think i did take advantages to him...im really sorry....because 2 years im here....he is the only one trying to help me if he could....i hardly remember he said no to me or saying i have a lot things to do...bla ..bla..... He such a good friend....i Hope i can do more to help him especially ease his ton of work...He is really busy person...well...just like me i guess..hehe...but yeah...i will i can do something to pay his kindness...i did promise him to bring him for movie and eat...i will pay the cost for him (and once again for sure he gonna drive...*sigh*)...but apparently hard to find the time....this is the only way that i can think of to pay his kindness besides paying the gas bill....i know he is sincere helping me...but at least i want to do something in return....I did ask my dad for his opinion...cause this thing kill me silently from the inside...he suggest the same thing..Mell if u read this..thank you again for being my friend while im here....u are one in the million....

Thats all for today...im sure to update this blog soon...maybe later maybe tomorrow...who ever know....Take care guys....love u...

Fighting.....argument.....

okay....as u read the title.....fighting.....and using any media to fight....its happen everywhere....they use any kind of way of technologies to fight and caused hectic...Seriously...i', ashamed of this....the common place is by using facebook....werent the facebook are used to connect and keep in touch with peoples around the world....Facebook's company need to do something about this...seriously...this is getting out of hand...they should ban the group thingy...because there is where it happen...check it below..the latest i found:



click to enlarge


Guys....im from sabah....okay mabye this guy luca lucas out of line....but for me...everyone have their own right to say especially in their wall....but still watch out the language....thats all... im dunno what he did say until all sabahan furious... but for sure..he saying the truth...from the second picture...i get it a bit...

Every state in this country have their own advantages and disadvantages....i believe other country that divided to few state are the same.... we just have to deal with it okay!!! Imposibble to make it perfect.... why dunt we just use all the advantages to be our strength and use other disadvantages become our strength....back up each other...NOT "KILLING" EACH OTHER!!

This issues never will be settle for sure....everyone want to win in this unknown and non-purposes battle...dont they realizes...they just open the gate wider...the gate that been surrounding us protecting us with 'INDEPENDANCE' seal on it....do they want the seal broken?? If u ask me...HELL NO!!! Our ancestor fight for their life to live...do we want to waste it?? i guess not...This matter really make me sad....they said they were highly educated....but instead finding ways to make us stronger....they always finding ways to break us apart...

Besides that....the religion and race matter....this issues been years....i grow up with this issues....they always in the new...for Heaven sake....we are MALAYSIAN.....maybe not all of us make this a issue.... but it effected all of us....Malays good with administration thingy, Chinese good in business, Indian good in farm, and the native good with the merchandise ....so let we do our part and bring this country on top...but again...they rather killing each other and let this country down....

To my readers...i know few of u guys are not malaysian....i know this entry make u think how horrible country we are....Actually...our country is a beautiful country....live by different race and religions who lives at different state.....Basicly we live happily together in harmony....but unfortunately....good things are not always happen, same with bad things....at some moment...some issues (that are not suppose to happen) happen....its the norm of human being...Even in US....no 1 country....still facing discrimination between white people and black people....AS I SAID....NOBODY OR PERFECTLY TO SAY...NO COUNTRIES ARE PERFECT.....BUT WE CAN TRY TO MAKE IT PERFECT FOR OUR OWN.....PEACE NO WAR!!!l Luv you guys....

Holidays had started

Hi guys....i hope u guys live ur life with full of joy and blessing... Its really been a while since my last post...im so sorry..but as u guys know...my few past weeks were going insane....seriously...i barely keep myself up to face each day of my life as a student...its really hard...but i motivated myself and keep going even though i dont have enough rest and sleep...

I need to divide my 24 hours per day for classes, assignments, study for midterms and quizes, homowork, meetings and other stuff...the result...i had lacked of sleep which causes me a panda eye....hehe.

So this holidays...i sleep a lot...i mean A LOTT!! maybe to gain back my sleep time that i used to do other stuff...and for this weekends...im going to play games, watching movie and just rest myself throughly....coz on monday...i have to start study and do my works...but that doesnt mean im going to push myself just doing this stuff...for sure i will still play games and watch movie....i will take it easy this holidays

For those who didn't know....im not going back home this two weeks holidays...not that i dont want to...im dying to be at home...but when i think that i have lot of assignmens, studies and stuff to do...there are no point going back home if im busy doing my work and not spending time with my parents and family...so i decided just to stay here.....

well thats it for now...i will post a new entry soon...i promised that....take care guys....

19 August 2010

Crazy day today

Its kindda crazy today since im not feeling that well coz while im on my way to PRIMU meeting last night, i was trap in the rain...and afterward...in in the air-conditioned room for at least 2 hour...thats really not good...and when i went back to my apartment, i just change my clothes instead taking shower cause i have to do my work a.s.a.p that night...Got a feeling that my boss for sidang redaksi sakura want my report...so spend few hours typing it before i dozed....

This morning i woke up...my head felt so heavy...dunt really felt want to go to class...but then i just force myself and took a cold shower and get ready...when i arrived there...sadly...i've to wait approx 45 minutes for the lecturer to come...Would it be nice if i continue to sleep for that 45 minutes...Thanks God Mellvyn was there accompanied me ad we chat a bit...

God...this few days...the weather really not good...my friend said...something wrong about the climate...its really off from the general....So now my gum swollen...and my lips dried 24/7...my inner temperature rise...how can i stay healthy and fresh...seriously guys...i need some tips from u guys...i cant be like this everyday...it effect my daily work and my friends too at some point....

I' e try everything...drinking a lot of water...sleep earlier...its not working....now my work seems become a large pile already for Heaven sake...How i suppose to manage my life...Everything seem to turn upside down....Im thinking that i need to re-schedule my schedule, and i need to come own with something fresh...in order to ensure my life ready fall to its order and i will still kept fresh and happy...

Any suggestion... anything...please tell me...just put in the comment below...i will consider since i need to look at my time management and of course money too...tq...take care...luv ya....

18 August 2010

I can't left PRIMU as i thought

Hi guys...how u guys been doing...i hope everything will be perfectly fine...I just get back from PRIMU's meeting. Today was Annual Grand Meeting (AGM) to select new leadership and also new exco to move PRIMU more further....I hope we can pull it together especially with new adviser...

Below are the result:

President: Hisham (Ex Vise president)
Vice President :Jamal (Ex exco logistic)
Secretary : Syira (Ex secretary)
Vice Secretary : Anis
Treasurer : Nurfarahin (Ex treasurer)
Exco:
1.Module : Aisyah (Ex Special Task Unit)
2.Activities : Asaqni
3.Logistic :Fadzli
4.Publicity :Ira
5.Public Relation : Melin (thats me)
6.Speacial Task Unit : Khai

Few of the result is shocking...but i accept that....and me...Public relation...unbelievable... i go back to PRIMU after Nurfarahin call me last monday...we talk more that half and hour...because of her...i realize something that i long forgot...and she made me understand...what the consequence when im gone... it just like...im the one help PRIMU to go down more deep...i dont want to do so...because of her and asaqni...i come back to primu. Unfortunately i didnt expect that coming...becoming one of the exco... but i cant decline it....coz all the candidates are not allowed....unless someone else suggest to decline us...I will try my best....i will need help from Last year exco to help me....since im new with this

Next...im the editor for sakura college...Gosh...im dying here...so many thing going on inmy life...can i survive this semester...im not sure....just pray for me...

16 August 2010

A shoulder to cry on T-T

11 August 2010

Leaving PRIMU

hai guys...what are u doing...hope u guys doing fine...this is 2nd entry for today....And...im crying right now....its hurt me a lot...previous entry...i told u guys that im leaving primu...

For those who didn't know...PRIMU is Pembimbing Rakan Intelek Mahasiswa Unimas...this club...guide us...apparently...it turn a problematic student...problem in term of behavior...but problematic in term of communication,problem solving,and etc....This club help me alot...i have emotion breakdown when im in highschool...i barely can talk to anybody to a stranger as before...and PRIMU bring myself back.....

Unfortunately....there are some attitude that hard to change...im easily to cry and furious....im really sensitive...thats y i cant read people mood swing...I did one mistake when im still new in PRIMU...that was exactly 2 years ago...in fasting month....we were conducting a program for the orphanage.....that moment...im was ordered or put under miss farah... we were in food and beverage department....things not going so smooth in our scope of job....since we need for donation in term of food and drinks....and its in large quantities....but Thank God we manage to pull it over...

Im kindda person that hate to waits and then i hate when people give me double and confusing instruction.... day before the event...our Project Manager promise to pick us up at 1 since we are not sure if got bus or not that moment....which surprisingly...got bus....i've waited until 1pm....thats freaking 1 hour...and its hot day...so i decided just to take a bus...and when im in the bus....he called me after i send him a text telling him im already in my bus on the way to the east campus...then he called me....why just dont wait...i said its okay....im in the bus already....when i arrive there...i wait for them to arrive...since im so mad...i drew his name on my book and just stab it with my pen....then im perfectly okay...

the next day...morning before the event (the event at late in the evening)...things just chaotic.....its very normal....then like on 4pm like that...my program manager ask me to join some of my friends to go fetch the orphanage... so i go inside to get my phone...before i reached the main door...then he said...dont go....he need me there...since im one the committee for food and beverage....need to set up the table...so i put my phone back in my bag pack and joint the others setting the table...then i get scold by the protocol unit cause what its not our task...its their task...plus...we do it wrongly.. so i refer to the project manager...he ask me to ask miss farah...so i go ask farah about it and i brought him to the table to show her..she just put everything upside down...coz she said its for the sake of spaces since the table was small...i just agree with her..since she is my leader and what she said was true.

Then i was pulled to the back by the protocol and get scolded again..she said...dunt just because farah his girlfriend, he need to jeopordize other work cause it can cause harm to their unit since VIP will be coming..i just smile but in my heart..im cursing.....

Then i get yelled by him(he was on the stage)...asking why im still there coz he want me to follow miss farah getting the food and the clock is ticking...Im just like...What the.....!!!So i kindda yelled back in the rude manner...he kindda stunned on the stage and then came down whispered something to farah...

Since that...my life turn upside down...but i still dunt really realized it...first year going perfectly...and then second year...things getting worse...where i just kindda lost it...i hate people when they play around to much...maybe its me...hard to amuse... i just dont want to talk much about this...its like opening my scar...

I hope...everything will be fine...its hard for me to let go...but its what i should do...for myself...i hope...things will be perfectly fine with them

Im fasting and Leaving PRIMU for Good

Hi guys…how things doing?? I hope everything just fine…I would like to wish Happy Fasting to all the Muslim in the whole world…

Today is the first day of fasting month…and for me…still little hard…even ive been through it for almost 6 or 7 years…..Yeah right…im fasting too…and no..im not muslim…Its sound pretty weird huh…chinese girl fasting…hehe…actually the at the beginning(when im in high school) I only fasted for half day….which mean…I will eat before or after I went to school…It is because for some reason…first…the canteen are closed for whole month…second…its hard to sneak around with bottle of water and food that we brought from hope…My Muslim friends always said its okay with them if we just drink or eat in front of them….but as a friend…I respected them…so I decide…not to eat nor drink at school…it wont kill me…

Then my friend suggested…its not suggestion just a funny joke…that I follow them fasting…To their surprise I did…hehe…and year after year…it just become my routine…Its fun especially if u have the chance to break ur fast with closest friends…I like that moment…its not the food…but the situation…for those who just like me…u will understand….unfortunately this semester im going to break my fast alone every day…coz my closest friend are far away…hmm….never mind I guess…
Then today….im quite tired…because I had lab early in the morning and after went back to college…I just climb up and down the stairs to the office to settle some things down…im at second floor…so its made me tired….nearly break my fast early..LOLX….

Today also…I put down my PRIMU’s badge that I wear anywhere since I pin it to my Student ID card holder….. It is because…I’m not longer PRIMU…I decided to give up with PRIMU and get myself out of there….some quite numbers of reason…For the sake of myself and everyone…let just end it here…end it today….Now I pin the badge to the PRIMU’s shirt…and just left it hanging in my locker…Actually I felt so sad doing so….first I want to put it away…put it in the box…but surprisingly…I cant…my tears rolled down to my cheeks…I just cant do it…In fact im not ready to left yet….it just the situation getting out of my hand and critical….im just…can’t hold on much longer….sometimes I think im the one too sensitive…if one day…its reveal that what I thought for all this while which caused me to take wrong decision by leaving PRIMU….I will just accept it as my mistake….thats all I can do….

PRIMU had been part of my life…for 2 years now…i know u guys know how I felt….but I need to keep going and be strong….after all…I have new responsibility…I think it will get over it soon….I hope PRIMU will go futher….Good luck to the new batch that will lead PRIMU….God Bless

09 August 2010

Nothing can be compare to parent's love

P/S: THIS SHOULD BE YESTERDAY ENTRY BUN UNFORTUNATELY I DONT HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION SINCE MY JUNIOR USING IT WHOLE NIGHT...SO I POST IT TODAY

Hi my dearest reader…This is the second entry for today…I just felt I need to write 2nd entry….Well..while im on the bus this afternoon…I texted my mom and my dad to let know that im going out heading to town and im using bus that Unimas prepared to buy something especially printer’s ink.Normally I will call them..but its Sunday…and its near to fasting month…they will be busy at my dad groceries store....To some of you…this might sound weird since im 21 years old…but then I told them im going out will all the details…what time I will be back…what for im going back and how did I go….I dunt know…I just always like this…even though if I have any program that I need to go outside Unimas…I will still ask their permission…

They never rise us to be like this…need to tell them 24/7 what I do or where I went….but the way they rise us…all the hard work we need to face…all the problem we need to solve by our own (they will only guide and they always guide us secretly)…all the love given…it built our personality…I admit…sometimes im a trouble maker..but hey…im a teenager…I have my own thought, my own plans and my own way of life… Sure…highschool was the biggest obstacle they had raising me…I always argue with my mom…until my dad wave white flag…any chance…I will say no to whatever she said…and then…there when my life falling apart…I lost everything I had…and my parents...they always there for me…and never give up with me… At that moment…I realize..they love me so much…and so do i…it just…we dunno our own game…I take my time to learn how things work with them…Suprisingly…after they saw my efforts …they try to live in my world…listening more to what I need…and why I behave like that…they try to settle things down with me…there we learn…both party…me and my parents need to learn to give and take…and of course with boundries…its hard at first…since its their first time dealing with teenagers and it was first time for me to follow order from old people (hehehehe)…

Fortunately things turn perfectly fine…without realizing…we were giving and taking each day…they learn to trust me…and I learn to trust their plans…Now…any decisions…they will involve me and discussed with me as much as possible…they will ask my opinion..even on business and household management… and me…as the return…I let they to be part of my life…even about boys…Its like…im living their life to and they try to live or be part of my life…They also trust my decision that I made….
Life getting easier like this…unfortunately...they way to worry about me to be far from home…..mostly my safety…it torn my heart when I heard their worried voice over the phone each time…I try to convince them that I will be okay…I know how to take care myself…if anything happen…my friend sure will tell them (unless I said not to do so…hehehe..^_^).. I know its normal…for a parents worried about their children….it just…I afraid…it will affect their emotion and health…

To all parents in the world...thanks you for rising us to be a better person…You teach us a lot and give a lot of love to us….and my dearest mommies and daddies…if you children wasn’t like what do you want them to be …its not your fault neither ours…coz…we wrote our own destiny…what happened will happened no matter what…ONCE AGAIN…THANKS AGAIN FOR GIVING BIRTH TO US, RAISING US, LOVING US AND SPEND YOUR MONEY (HEHE ~_^)TO US…

Theres always an exciting stories when i went out

P/S: THIS SHOULD BE YESTERDAY ENTRY BUN UNFORTUNATELY I DONT HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION SINCE MY JUNIOR USING IT WHOLE NIGHT...SO I POST IT TODAY

Hai guys…how are u doing….i hope everything will be just fine..and may God bless all of u my dearest reader…Today I went out…Its not my plan earlier to go out today….in fact I never like to go out on Sunday since for me Sunday is the day to rest after 5 days less sleep and rest.. Today was exception since my friend Edna asking my help to get her phone which she sent for repair 2 weeks ago…the guy from the phone repairs shop called her last Friday. Unfortunately she having a program for the weekend which unable her to go anywhere since she was needed 24 hours there for the weekend…

Then..i catch a taxi to bring me to the Seberkas…I know I can use a bus…but I want to save my time..since I know….Seberkas ares…its way to hard to get a bus to bring me back to the Riverside…I ask the taxi to wait for half hour since after getting my friend’s phone…I need to search the ink for my printer…Well…its just took me 20 minutes…After reached Riverside…I walk and spend my time there lingering around…Even though it was sale….but I don’t think I need anything else beside in my to-buy-list…for the first time…im following everything in the list I made…nothing less nothing more…but seriously…i already spent RM280…..

I just lingering around…from shop to shop just to wait until 5 pm…since the bus will pick us up at 5 pm sharp… but at 4 pm…I really dunno what to do anymore…so I just went to the bus stop and wait there…Well when im there…I heard a lot of things…well..its not my fault…we are in the open space…its so funny…first…there are one couple…I guess they were husband and wife..cause I saw rings at both their finger….their arguing about something.Im not sure what its all about…at the end…the husband turn his body around totally apposite from facing his wife at first…I think he start to sulk.Then the women kindda try to talk and poking his wrist….no respond…then I can unbelievable what come out from her mouth after that…its kindda loud…I think everyone there can hear it…she treat him that he will sleep on the couch tonight and won’t get SEX. What the f**k!!!! I chocked myself with the water I drank….Its unbelievable…. And she seem didn’t realize what she just said and did…The husband then quickly turn around facing her…put his hand together…like begging or something…It just…im speechless… For sure..i could see the old lady sat beside me stare them and she look like want to kill the couple…LOLX

Next couple…urghh…this one…me myself want to kill….i dunno who are they and how they look since they were standing behind the thin wall besides me….They were talking about sex position that they want to try…all the giggles… urgh…I think today is CELEBRATION OF SEX. Kindda annoying….Its okay if want to talk about sex…just please make sure there are nobody around you…this kind of stuff is a secret…ur personal life…dunt let whole world know…we are asian… and plus…u guys are Malays…respect yourself, respect your own religion and of course your own people… Its too much for me to hear today…

Next..there are bunch of guys…im not sure earlier who are they…but after 3 city buses passing by and they didn’t took it…I know they are student…just dunno which universities and college…They might be Unimas student, Uitm student, ICATS and much more..than at 4:30 ICATS’ bus came…so all ICATS student approach the bus. Suddently one of the guy…..”WHY THE HELL THEIR BUS ARRIVE ALREADY…WHERE ARE OUR BUS!!” saying loudly until the ICATS student who approaching the bus at the end road turn around the see who said that….Well I don’t really care about it…then Unimas’ bus coming…I can see a few people that I familiar are Unimas get ready to approach the bus…Suprisingly…the guy and his friend…were UNIMAS STUDENTS!!! First thing first that come out from my mind…”WHAT THE HELL R U DOING JUST NOW!! YOU KNOW UNIMAS’ BUS ARRIVE AT 5PM…WHY THE HELL YOU ATTRACT ATTENTION LIKE THAT…AND GREAT!!!! EVERYONE KNOW ITS UNIMAS STUDENT!! F**K” Then surprise me…the guy said…again as loudly as earlier…”SEE WE ALSO HAVE BUS!!”

At that moment…serious ly…if he walking near me…im sure will hit his head will the shower cream that I buy…its sure damn heavy…Unfortunately he like 4 metres ahead me…I felt so ashamed since everyone looking…enough is enough…I heard a lot about Unimas student from taxi driver, bus driver and even random people I met…

07 August 2010

Lonely

Hai guys....what up?? i hope everything just perfectly amazing....Hmm...my life...i cant say it perfectly amazing...but my life since four weeks starting new sem wa amazing...I admit...there are alot of responsibility that i have to carry on this semester...but its ok with me...because all this activity and responsibility make my life great here....

Unfortunately...sometime i feel lonely... I know my behavior are not the best...i always irritated people...from the way i treat people...i talk...i just...i cant be hypocrite anymore...i want people to know me and like me because who i am....and im also glad if the furious and hate me because of who i am...I know nobody is perfect in this world....I realize...i dont have any clique here...as i used to have when im in high school... its not a big deal actually...but still...i want to have one again...

First year....everything kindda perfect...but then i realize...i kindda become a puppet to some people...maybe they dont realize it...but i seriously dont like it...so step out from my shell..and show them who really i am...i realize they stopped doing it..but the consequence...all the opportunity that i should have...was taken away from me....it make me cries...now...i dont care...at some point...i will leave them...

Life without a boyfriend...i alrasy get used to it already...but sometimes...i still feel i need someone...to hold me tight when i fall...i need someone to listen to me carefully when im sad...someone who will weep my tears aways when im craying...because...all this i cant do it with my family...i dont want they to worry about me....enough for them to worry about me studying here alone...without any family....

Someone told me...we wont be happy if we always seeking for the meaning of happiness...instead...enjoy every moment of your life...then u will be happy and understand whatis happiness mean....Till next time...bye..God bless u

06 August 2010

Hair

Hi guys…how you guys doing…Its been a while since last post…I hope everything will just fine…Im just busy with all my assignment and classes…That’s y I haven’t post anything since 2 weeks ago….well..Im feeling so hot now…not the weather bothering me…but my hair…my hair is freaking long….i just can be a ghost…actually my plan before was to cut it when I reached home…Unfortunately as u guys already know…about my grandma and grandpa.I don’t have time to cut my hair…and until they were passed away.

In our culture…we were not allowed to cut our hair,wearing make up and even perfume(but my mom said its okay if im here since I cant live without it) for 100 days after death of any family member.i don’t know why…I guess u guys can google it to find out why….so I can do nothing for now…I need to wait until 27 September before I can cut my hair…I wonder…when that time…how long my hair will be…hum…cause right now my hair reach my waist already….i like to just let go my hair but when my hair this long….its seems impossible…

This is the second time I have hairs this long….first time was when im high school…but at that moment…I don’t really care about how I look…and I always tied up my hair….nobody ever saw me let go my hair except my family that time….Since I don’t really care how I look…that’s why I never bother how long my hair was….and how bad its look….i have straight hair since I was a kid….until high school….and I love it a lot…easy to manage…then before going to college…I decided to cut my hair short…just slightly enough to tie up. It is because easy for me manage it because…long hair = nearly 20 minute washing ur hair…hehehe….

I always heard people said…don’t ever cut ur hair drasticly short if u had a very long hair for a while…for some unknown reason…your hair will damage…split end, become more unmanageable and frizzy hair….i never believe it…until…I felt it myself…my hair was hard to manage…its frizzy and dried…I dunno why the hell its happen.Then I ask my new bestfriend that time…apparently she facing the same situation.

Now im at the university…its taking a lot of efford and money to get my old hair back…..then I gave up so I just straighten it away…and im loving it….but recently my friends and even my angels suggested if I get a curl…and cut my front hair (which I never let it short since im high school)…I don’t know if it is suitable…it just like suicide to me…because I did see the curl disaster in my class..Some of then, just perfectly match with them…others…uhhhh…..i don’t know what to say…hehehe…
This semester im thinking to get new hair cut and looks…its time for second try change…..but I don’t have the gut to do it…please someone give an advise….i would appreciate it…

20 July 2010

Have new responsibility

Hi guys...todays been a very long and tiring day...but its normal as a student.Yesterday i got unexpected message from unknown number.She ask weather i am Melin or not...she said that i got the job that i apply last semester...to be a writer for college bulletin. I'm shocked...i thought i dont get it since to news since few months ago.She said it was confirmed and she had send my name to the College's Principal for confirmation of my status...Seriusly im happy but im shocked...

I already get used to this since i was high school..but...it just...its been a few year since i stopped to write.Well blogging all i have for now...I dont have enough time...since one short story i need approx 3 hour...and novels...i need months...research some more...i just dont have the time...or should i say...i actually dont have the passion in writing anymore...maybe time changing...

I had been given first assignment...that was tomorrow night event...First event for the new semester....A night with Junior and Senior...i need to write documentation bout it.....Well...i just check Sakura Website...im just devastated...last entry was February, 15...

Then, at some point im worried that i cant do my job...so many things going on my life now...im so afraid that i cant fulfill my duty.Please pray for me that i can do all my responsibility...See u next time...take care

17 July 2010

old = beautiful

Hi guys....how are u doing...erm...now 1:14 am...i suppose in bed right now...but unfortunately...i cant sleep...i dont know why.... Erm...old equal to beautiful....dont u think its weird...okay i dont say above 80 old...i mean 40 above old...

Its get me thinking recently...its really good doesnt it....ok...try google Kimora Lee Simmons, Brad Pit, Angelina Jolie, David Beckham and who ever superstar u like when they were younger...Im not saying they are ugly when they were young...it just...they not pretty or good looking as they are now...and i can say they look weird when they were much younger... I admirer their look now...so beautiful...handsome...good looking...

I was thinking...will i be like them when im older....i mean become more beautiful...i really hoping that i will...hehehe....its funny...but i think everyone want to do the same...want to look beautiful always...even they were older...dont you??? Yes u are!!!

One more thing...i just realize...past few months...my traffic rate...which i mean my blog visitor getting higher...just yesterday...i have 45 visitor...and they from around the world...im so bless and happy...Im happy because people reading my blog...Thank you guys....and I LOVE YOU ALL

14 July 2010

Behavior

Hi guys....Recently…I keep thinking about human behavior..Human is really unique…Unfortunately my term of unique is WEIRD!!!! I just don’t know…maybe some of u might have a same thought or maybe saying... “This bitch crazy or what…she a human being also…”…And as usual….what the hell I care…you can say whatever you want…I will be ok with it…I guess….Urghhh….im so hypocrite…I cant help it…..

Back to the topic please!!..hehe..well why I said human is unique…Urghhh just said weird… I really don’t understand why a decent girl (once) wanna become a slut..yeah…let me spell it to you…S.L.U.T…SLUT…I know it’s a harsh word…but that’s the only word that I can think of….Well…I know a girl…her look very decent…and in fact she was….but I really don’t know what happen to her…until she just turn to slut and bitch….Well…to be honest…I know she still decent because in front of me and others…she speak nicely with lower tone and smile sweetly oftenly…but when she with her girlfriends…she become whole new person…cursing is her language….dirty words is her grammar…and sexual body language is her attitude… I really cant understand…what the hell happen..which is the true her now…a sweet young girl or…slut….

Seriusly im confused with her….but I dunno how to advise her….Actually I pity her parents since she is the only daughter….Her dad is very influence people in business and her mom is church person…but then…their only daughter…their only hope….
Can someone explain to me why this happen…is her seek for attention??

Speak about attention….another one behavior that I really don’t like and sadly I confess..sometime I do it without I realize….What I mean is the behavior of people that do weird or loud sound with attention to attract people attention to her or him…Urgh…why cant we just become invisible…isn’t that easier….

I guess its nature human want some attention…but to me…yes it works but it will annoy people also…believe me…I’ve been with this kind of person for 1 whole semester…and look like im gonna spend whole semester with her again….Urgh….its like hell….

12 July 2010

New Semester started

Today is the first day for new semester...I cant believed it...im third year...Gosh i never think about it...well...i thought once long time ago...i cant make it..but im wrong...i just need to work harder to prove to my family and my friends that i can do it...Civil engineering really not easy..but like it or not...i have to do my best....

Today class suppose to start at 8 am...so i woke up 6:30 and get myself ready by 7:30 since my class will be at Central Teaching Facilities 2 which is take about 15-20 minutes by foot...its really a long walk...but i even lazy to wait for bus and go there...Its ok i guess..morning exercise..hehe...Unfortunately half hour of waiting just went to waste because the lecturer last minute cancelling the class and change it to 12 pm....Im disappointed since it is kindda hot and it is a long walk...but then i just went to the faculty and copy a schedule from first year and second year student since im going to repeat some papers..Its really chaotic in the office...Everyone with their on business at the counter. Fortunately i get through and manage to register a subject that has a limited place...thats good for me...Well im going to apply extra credit hour which need me to ask approve and permission...which it has not finish and settle until now since the person in charge is hard to find...i cant find her anywhere...i guess im going to try my luck again after this...

I just hope for this semester...i can do it...

11 July 2010

New Update - Lifes never get easier

Hi guys...its really been a very long time since my last update...It just thing went so damn crazy this few month...Im so sorry for not updating my blog...It just myself break apart. I need times to put it together and live my life as usual.

Actually....this semester break..i lost 2 person that i love most in the world...My grandparents(my dad's mom and my mom's dad)....Since the holiday started and in fact since i arrive hometown from the airport... i've been spending my time taking good care of my grandma...im tired and i felt horrible but for the sake of my grandma and my grandpa, i force myself. They took good care of me once when im little girl...and now...its my time to pay them.

My grandma passed away 12 may 2010..sharp 6:40 pm...if u realize..it just few hour after my last update...that time she was sleeping....and i felt tired...in order to make sure i stayed awake i went to online and updating some post...Who ever knew...just few hours...everything get chaotic...Its hard to imagine...

Then just 38 days after my grandma passed away...my grandpa passed away...on 18 june 2010 sharp on 6:45 pm....and...IT IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! God....my heart break when i saw 18 june written in my grandpa death cert' as his DOD.Swear to God...i wont celebrating that day anymore...

My life never be easy...but lost 2 people that i love...in just short time...im going to be crazy...New semester will start tomorrow...I hope there is light that will guide me...and there is hand will hold me tight and wont let it go no matter what...I just need it...now...is easy for me to fall apart...

12 May 2010

new update

My life really in chaos this few week since 2 of my family members are sick.but i would like to tell you guys about other things...about what hapen to my life now...i dont want to talk about my family members whom are sick or i will cry all night long again...

two weeks ago...the night after my paper finshed..i have a huge fight with my boyfriend...after past 2 year i been friend with him and lastly becoming his official girlfriend...i never felt that devastated and angry even though we do argue a lot....this is because of his stupid decision for not telling me what is his job...

He and i are same age...both of us born 1989....first time i have boyfriend same age with me...When we first know each other, i know he didn't continue his study he just finished form 5.. and he just stay at home with no job...but i didnt judge him and i dont really care...then after 1 year and half he proposed me to be his girlfriend...at first i said no..i told him...im not beautiful and im fat...didnt he felt ashamed with my experience...that he answer me with a question...do you like me? and honestly i did love him that moment...than he ask me...

"why you love me since , dont have a handsome look, my education is just until form 5 and lastly i dunt have permanent job"

He really locked my mouth with that questioned...Then i slowly answered i guess all is matter is our personality and our heart...Kindda weird at first...from friend to lover...but after for few months we broke up because im too busy with my study...he really heart broken but he understand...And now we coming back together...for 2 months now...Last 2 week we have a huge fight...he did realize he hurt me so much since i said...i look stupid and bad girlfriend for not knowing my own boyfriend job...he said he ashamed and afraid i would be ashamed to have him as my boyfriend. I told him...i love him because of how he treat me and how he acct when around me...not bacouse of his money or look or what so ever..i hung up on his call...after 2 hours i raceived a message from him..he apologize and lastly telling me what is his job really is.

Actually he work as a waiter in a restaurant in one of the hotel in tourism area at Malacca. I didnt reply because i still felt so sad for what he had done...until next day i apologize for my attitude and i told him i love him...since then...we just fine and i can felt we really deeply in love and happy to be each other...we havent fight for 2 weeks straight...i thing this is the longest period we in peace and good relationship...normally we always argue once a week...Since the big fight between us he promised me no more secret between us...and i just believe him even i doubt that since he said he want to mysterious man when we first met and even now often.

Im so happy now and he always contact me everyday though wee was so busy with his job just to make sure im alright and keep going strong from day to day since my grandma(my dad's mom) and my grandpa (my mom's dad) is sick and cannot move at all...im really sad but every single his message and attention to me really make me happy...

29 April 2010

Im gonna be at home in few hour....

Currently im sittig at KFC Kuching International Airport...Wasting my time online after finished having my brunch (breakfast + lunch)....my flight will be at 12:25 pm and now only 10:30 am...its like 2 hours more to go..it not my fault to come hear early...i asked for a cab at 9:30 so a can arrive airport approx 10 am...instead my cab arrive at 9:05 am...what the f***.....but i have no choice..and i arrived airport approx 9:30.thanks god i already ready my things and myself...and now...this two hours...what im gonna do....hmm...

By the way....all this hliday time...i think i wont be able to blogging since i have so many thinks that i have to do...i have no other choice that abandon my blog for a while..but i will try my best to write some updates...thats it for now...i will keep updating u guy...bye....love you

26 April 2010

Racist?? Am I?

P/S:BEFORE I STARTED...I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE...WHAT I SAID MIGHT HURT YOUR FEELING...BUT THIS IS JUST A THOUGHT....IM SO SORRY...SINCERELY

Hai guys...how are u guys doing...For whom that already graduated matriculation i wanna say congratulation and i hope u guys could enter the university that u guys choose....

I just finish watching hindi movie..."My name is khan"...Im shocked because the file that i download quite large than what i normally downloaded... but i guess the quality is good thats y the file's size kindda large...but then it is actually 2 hour and half movie...Gosh...i never wash a single movie that long...but that what i got...need to realease some steam...And God...i cried almost whole time...the story really overwhelming... They story basis on Muslim...but what i get from the movie...THere are only 2 kind of people...bad people and good people...THere are no kindda muslim, christian, Jewish Buddha and so on...Everyone just the same...

Im open minded person and i really dunt mind to be friend to anybody and even my boyfriend is a muslim...but its normal....im just ordinary human...so of course i have my own thought that different from other...and so are u guy... So i cant help it when sometime im cursing some race...not that im racist but it is general...because of one person,everyone also included...but thats just on spot feeling which will just go away after few days...

Recently racism that i have done...which just gone after few hours....regarding a chaos that happened in our mainland...I forgot which state....chaos between muslim and christian...certain Muslim people claiming Christian stole their sacred book...The Bible...When my mom told me...i laugh so hard....my mom asked why u laugh...this is serious....and i still remember what i said...

" The Muslim so stupid...why i say so mummy? because this stealing thingy happened ...what...thousand year...million year?? i also lost in count of history...While at high school...we learned about this stealing thingy also...Over soooo i mean sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many year and decade...they claiming back??? What the hell...this thing happened between our ancestor...what had happened...HAD HAPPENED!! it is a past...Cant they think about that??!! Christian and Muslim and even Buddha or other relegion in the world....it just the same...Still asking as to do good....the regulation just the same...accept we are not allowed married 4 girls as malays!!"

My mom laugh for the last part...Seriusly....i love muslim...im not lying...all my four bestfriend...IKA, ANNA, SABA AND FAIZ...all are muslim...why are we teenegers....still can loving each other and respect each other even we are young...and for the elders...why u didnt just do the same...we are the same...our blood still red...Sometimes it funny....especially for the lover who are from different background and religions...they facing so many difficulties...but I proud with some couple...who dont care all about that...as long they love and care about each other...Just like my fried...JOhnny and err...forgot his spouse name...hehe... THey married for 5 years now...they come from different background and also grow up with different religons...they had faced a lot...and sometime they felt they want to give up but because of the love that grow stronger each day....they succeded... and even they are married...they still with their own religion. Muslim and Roman Catholic Christian..how? i dunno....i did ask...but i really dunt understand....especially the law part...and religion...is that possible? u guys tell me...and they now have 4 kids...3 boys and 1 girl( twins and 2 boys)...there fifth upcoming...anyway...im hoping they will be happy forever....May God bless them

24 April 2010

im dilemma

okay...i just got a call from my friend...he really sound terrible...well...my friend have a dance group...they dance all type of dance....and when they first form a group...they just started with 2 person...they are couple...my friend roland and his girlfren michelle.... and they year by year their group expand...now they have more than 10 members...where 10 members are fully committed including roaland and michelle and other 6 only come or join them for fun and when needed or we called them backup dancer...

So...he called me...and told me he broke up with michelle because michelle having an affair with other guy in the the group(backup dancer)...so because of the fight and the arguments...michelle and that guy left the group...simply ended their dance career.... So the problem now...they have competition with their o 1 enemy in 2 months...regarding their group pride...who is the best....kidda stupid i think...but hey what should i say right...

So after michelle and rizal(michelle's affair) left...the group just falling appart since michelle is their choreographer and lead dancer and make up artist... WOW... so roland ask my help....and i screaming on the top of my lung...yelling at him after he throw the question or more to the request....at that moment...i felt i wanna kick his a**... HE ASK ME TO BECOME ONE OF HIS DANCER AND HELP HIM CHOREOGRAPH!!! He said he saw me how passion i am and how i love to dance....Is he blind or what... I havent dance like what 13 year??? and my body now?? he try to make a point by pointing to his dancer maya who just chubby as i am but she still can dance perfectly....So my mouth locked for that time....

He give me time until next week...that just day after tomorrow...so guys....what do you think? shoul i or shouldnt i?? at this moment...i think no....but if u think i should...give me reason why...coz i can ended up humiliating myself

14 April 2010

fever and my face swollen

Its been a very long time since my last entry...things just dunt really good here....exam is a round the corner....its really stress me up...and less then an hour...i have geotechnical engineering midterm test. For 3 days straight i studied geotechnical and im dizzy already....but for this 3 days i only studied partial....just get ready for the midterm test...


My rumate really cant shut her mouth...she always making sound and its very annoying...and what make it worse when she like screaming and singing along following the song that she heard and on the same time, dancing!!!! argh!!! i could not take it anymore...i need a quite sound...i can take it if she talking with other housemate or laughing hysterically but singing, screaming, whinny, dancing at my back and always make chocking sound when she can answer the questions....its drive me crazy!!!!!... i prefer to study late at night...when everyone is sleeping....and on day time...i prefer to sleep...yeah my sleep is disturbed...but much better that my studies are disturbed...but the consequences... i have a fever...my body temperature so high until my gum and my face swollen....and while im sleeping i need to put wet towel on my face to reduces the heat...

Its really disturbing..but what could i do....i guess i need to sacrifice a bit...i need to ensure my pointer rise this semester.... I felt weird myself...i never study like this crazy...im forcing myself without i realize until my sister told me to stop doing it...maybe the pressure....hmmm

05 April 2010

unfair life

This few weeks really a crazy week....sometimes i felt i barely can breath.... Just now...i received an mms from my bestfriend in high school.it was a picture that her younger sister and friend taken in the hospital with our former English teacher. Few months ago, he was attacked by stroke and now in recovery session....It really break my heart... He was very strict teaher but he have a very loving, warm and kind heart... He love all his student...he advise us a lot....he like our second father... He getting better...but he never the same teacher that we use to know....


My bestfriend told me, last school holiday, my teacher ask his wife to bring him to the school...having some tour there....and then he just sit on the stage at the gathering hall, just looking at the empty space....Its break both of our heart when listening to my friend's sister story.... i know he really dedicate to his work...he spend most of his life at the school...and now....he only can do just watch it from far and hear it from his student and wife.... Life is unfair.....he such a good person but why he get such an illness....

Both of us really want to see him but at the same time...we dont want to go....because...we dont want him to see us crying... we cry just listening and see his picture...what if we go stand in front of him...im sure...we will become weak and crying....we dont want him to see us like that....i want to look strong in front of him...and give him strength to go on with his life....

Today is his birthday....i really wish i was there to celebrate with him....He is the light in my life.... when i was in the dark....when i was searching in the dark....he give me his hand and guide me to the light...guide me to the right road....and now?? I know....every each of his student would pray for him each day....i just wondering...if only we could do more for him and sacrifice something like he use to do.....

03 April 2010

Miss my little angel

Hai guys...as far you know i have two little angel...i miss them but i had another angel that i missed the most....I never have a chance to see or known him... i lost him before i even know he exist. Few years ago...my mom was pregnant the forth child.... unfortunately, we dunno about it and even mom didnt know...its like just 2 month....


At that time...our family have a problem... my mom was sick that time and 3 of us sisters in our room sleeping... We don't know that our father was not home that night.... The next day after i woke up, my mom complaining...she having a serious bleeding during PMS and its really hurt....Things just gone crazy whole day with my mom really look sick and i need to take over with house cores and also with my both sister...we didnt know later early in the morning....before sunrise, my father brought my mom to the hospital since she really week during the bleeding which doest seem normal for PMS....

That day...my mom just silence herself...even my father look different....there is guilt in his face and things just gone very wrong ever since....Until one day....my aunt accidently spilled the things out while she was talking to my grandmother...maybe she didn't realize i was there....my grandmother was shocked and my aunt speechless...i left them and i try to put the event together....after im sure...i went and ask my aunt...at first she refuse to tell me...but i insist and i wont leave unless she told me the truth....

The truth..... The night before....my mom was sick....i didn't know dad my dad was not home and in fact nobody know where he is that night....That night my mom went to the toilet....and last thing she know...next morning she wake up on the toilet floor...she thought she fall asleep when she went to the toilet... That morning all the bleeding started...She thought she having her PMS (like she told me)....but the blood wont stop....until that night my dad come home....my mom condition really weak...at first she refuse to go to the hospital until early in the morning, her condition getting worse....so my dad force her to go to the hospital...there, the doctor confirm she had miscarriage and they need to clean her up or she could die since the baby still inside....

After that long....i know what happen....that time...my heart crushed...i know how much i want another sibling, so do both my sister who keep asking for a baby like everyday.... that time...i really hate my dad...thats why i never talk to him really much except after i was accepted to unimas.....my mom dunt have a clue that i know about the baby... i cried for few days....all that happened just because some stupid mistake that my dad did which now i know now that wasnt because him alone like i used to think....

That time...for the history class ( form 2)...our teacher ask us to write an essay about my family...Using the assignment....i write everything about the miscarrige....once i finished it....i submit it quietly without showing it to my mom and my friend as i use to do...after i get it back....i kept it locked in the bookshelf...

After 4 years When i was in matriculation....i ask my sister (2nd child) to open the shelf and read my assignment....after an hour...as i expected she called me and cried.... i explain to her.. thats why that assignment is the only assignment that i never let them read it and i didnt let them near to me when i write it down.... It hard to explain...since every they ask me when they can have new siblings to play with.... i dont want to break their heart...i just need to wait for them to be mature enough....it is hard time to tell her about the baby....it just break our heart....i ask her to keep it for another year before we break the news to our lilttle sister....

When the time come.....she didnt cry....we just glad...we thought she dont mind since she told us she love to be the youngest.. until one day.....we just talking to adopt a baby while having dinner together. The reason we gave to my mom was, when i leave for school....she would still have 3 childs in that house..Beside that my parent want to help one family who cannot afford to rise their newborn baby...And so sudden my younger sister said seriously and looking to my eyes... " I had another siblings....even though he is not here that enough for me that we know we had him....i only can give my love to one person and for my own blood. Nobody could share the love that i have for him "

All of us speechless... I went to the bedroom and cried....My youngest sister who i thought very stubborn and dont have a feeling about the lost.... just like us...remembering our lilttle brother that we never known and missing him every each day....

Its been nearly 7 years since the lost....yet we still remember him and we really miss him...if only we have a chance to see him once...just once would be enough..... In every moment....in every special moment....we always wish that he also have a chance to know that how much his 3 big sisters love him and miss him....


'Gift'

Hai...its been a long time since my last update...It just now it getting crazy since final exam is around the corner so the final assignment just flow like overflow river after heavy rain.... Plus...so many things bothering me....


It just start 3 years ago....It been a long time and i still have some adjustment to do....When i was young until im reach 17....my life just perfectly normal...just like normal teenagers....stubborn, searching for identity, searching for more attention and love and want to live on my own way without nobody telling me what i should and shouldnt do....a very normal teenagers... All that 17 years, i know i need to compete with my little sisters....for my parents attention since the my sisters, the 2nd child... she have a special gift....its not really that special....but that gift save all my family life....she have a very strong instinct (i guess)... she can felt if there will something bad going to happen....it just she dunno what, to whom or when it will happen since she was 5 years old...at first we done believe....but since the robbery at my father's shop...i tried to figure out....

That night...she dunt want to sleep...my mom and my dad tried everything and i can heard she cried from my aunt room which is just two doors away... She usually easy to fall asleep...just give her the towel that she love to cuddle while sleeping, in just second...she will sleeping....Differently that night....my dad tried everything...my mom ask for my help is i can sing a lullaby for her like i used to do when she just a baby....but it doest work....she keep pointing at the door...when we ask....she dunt want to said anything....when my mom and my dad step out the door she screaming.... my sister look at me and like to tell us something.... but then....she stop crying...its already 6 am....i went for sleep....next thing i know...my aunt wake me up...tell me my father shop which is just downstair was robbed... surprisingly.... the theft tried to break the door that was locked to go upstairs...somehow...something stop him or them....I sat there and try to figure it out...We lost more that RM 3000...Thanks God the attempt to break through to upstair where we live was failed or God know what could happen to us....

Its took me 8 years to figure after i strongly thought i have something going on....and lastly one day, i ask her if she remember the night of the robbery....her face change but calmly ask why i ask.... I said...you felt it...something gonna happen...maybe chestpain.... fast heartbeat...and sweating for no reason like you really afraid and run for your life.... She was really shocked...she look at me silently....i nodded....i think i have it now....i started to have all this things after i start my study at matriculation..... thats when i figure out about what happen that night and why my parent said she special.... .she said...all that 15 years....she tried to hold her feeling to herself...but its hard....no wonder i caught her crying by herself few time....it is because she dunno how to tell or describe.... She said....now she just think it is a gift...Thats why i understand why she was so mature....different from me...

My 'gift'..... its growing....i didt tell anybody even Faiz who already know about this....and even my sister.... I dream often now (i never dream before...my first dream was when i was 10 years old...bout my result...its come true and that is until i turn 18)....im dreaming things thats gonna happen...something i dream directly about it and sometimes i need to analysis what thats all about...the bad things is....if i was dreaming....i cant be touched or wake up or i'll lost it or forget it....so its always happen and i just realize i did dreamed about it after it was a reality.... All the feeling getting worse when i had them... Its really bothering....sometimes i cried.....sometimes i could not sleep....

I did told my sister....if was given a chance to choose either the gift or normal and bullied teenagers life....i rather get bully....like i was in primary school....


02 April 2010

why i get the fine?


Why i get the fine and asked to return the books?? someone please explain since the due is in 10 days???...







24 March 2010

caught red handed

hai guys....weird title....caught red-handed...happen to me today....i dunno if i use the correct term... Well...after a long night try to complete my lab report.....which i need to submit in this week....i fall asleep...as i woke up this afternoon...my throat sore and my coughing getting worse...and my body's temperature slightly rise...i know im going to get trouble...i have a fever.. later this evening my dad call..at first i dunt want to answer cause i dunt want he to know im not feeling well...after the third time i answered...i guess it something important.... As suspected...he ask me to search some receipt that i kept..and scan it than email it to my sis....whole conversation i just said ok ok and ok...hahaha....then he call 2nd time to ask if i found what he ask...then when i start talking....he said...as i thought...u are sick...no wonder u didnt speak much and hardly called home...erk.....


He start to worried since final is around to corner....with my condition...i just silent and hear what he had to say....hahaha....now...he demand that i called home once in 3 days....no more let i do what have i to do here and called only im free...yaiks....hahaha....im sure...he just said that...he wont do really want me to call once in 3 days...hahaha....

Why is it parents always worried...it just normal fever...its normal if we get sick especially when we dunt have enough rest....now im 20...soon is 21...they need to trust me...and less worry...Especially my mom....if she know im sick or im not happy here...shee wont have the appetite to eat...she cant sleep...and she will worry all the time...

Oh mom...i love you but u need to understand....life as a student is not easy and life a teeneger is worse....here i tried to be as normal as other kid....Enough with the nightmares that i had when i was in primary and secondary school.....here i know how its like to be independent...to fail, to work with totally stranger no more easy access to anywhere as i used to have and i started from zero to get where im here now.....its not easy...but this is what i want...and this is why i want to get out from sabah.... life full with attention is really bothering me....here...i was noticed because who i am...not who are my family.....even though i dunt have anyone here...i can survive... Trust your daughter to live my life here....love you guys...

23 March 2010

i live my life for you by firehouse

this song really meaningful and i would like to dedicate to all the couple in the world and may God bless your relationship...but remember...no matter how much we love our boyfriend/ girlfriend... remember....live you relationship the way it should be according your religion and the society norm...



p/s: dear....i love you


my new world to live

Hai guys.... well people that added me as their friend in the facebook might know whats going on now... Yeah....for i dunno how many times... i fall in love again...If u guys still remeber about Prince...i talk about him in entry title happy?? And actually not so many people know about this....5 month ago that is after 2 month i couple with prince...and that time a week before final exam...i broke up with him... It just hard for me to continue.... First...that time i thought i still cant get over my first love, man...2nd im so busy so i hardly call him and texting him but he always text me and ask am i ok...coz he so concern so i really felt guilty...and third...i dunt know either i love him...Well as i always said...love really confusing...


He was shocked my decision and he was really sad until he hung up and said he need to rest and ask me to give him time to process the all thing....im glad its over but im wondering how he was doing at time... we lost contact like for month....he didnt reply any my text....until 4 month ago...he contact me. He said he was sorry for his disappearance...he told me things just get very chaos.....but in this 4 month...things really different...he is no longer the man that i used to know...sometimes he is okay sometimes he just different and he refuse to call me or let me call him... well....its really bother me but i just silent.... until a like 3 weeks ago he went missing again..for almost 2 weeks... but i desperate to have his attention... so i text him a stupid question that my friend ask me to solve regarding her love problem... " what should i do when my ex want to come back to me?"

The next day he replied me....he said.... my love for you never die, i would love to have u back in my life...Im shocked...i ask him what he trying to say....he said...he know my question regarding my friend...but that was his less concern... he want to know if he could come back to me...he said...for all 5 months we parted...he suffer enough...he cant hold on anymore... im really shocked...and i cried...that was the sweetest thing he ever text to me....he not a romantic kind of guy and he did admit...he also hate the lovey dovey thingy...and yet....he can write such a beautiful words that i keep waiting all this years knowing him....and yeah...I SAID YES....he was so happy...he called me and i can hear his voice full of joy....

2 days later....he called me at night...he said he really grateful to have me back in his life....he sing a few song for me through the phone....most of them my favorite song.... i cried full of joy silently...i dunt want he knows that since he really love to make fun of me (really dunno y? when i ask why, he said...i sound cute when i was angry or sulking...jezz)...he sing for me with different song...i think for 40 minutes until his throat sore. i ask him to stop and sing for me next time or he will lost his voice...that moment really sweet...I told my friend... i think i fall in love for the 2nd time with the same guy and my friend just laugh at me... This time..i would appreciate him...i dunt want to lost someone i love anymore...

p/s: Dear...i love you so much and thanks for the sweet poem and song that u sing...

22 March 2010

Lets blogging

hai guys...just come back from lab....now need to do some lab report which is last week's lab....but before that i would like to update this blog since it already a while....I realize in one year....my entry is less than 100...so this year i would like to archive at least 100 entries per yer which like impossible...hahahaha....


Than i also realize...there a re a lot of my friends already open a blog for themselve... well few months or years back...blog not really famous....it just like recently the blog become famous... Whatever the purpose u guys open or create a blog...i wish happy blogging....Unfortunately..there were some of my friends also close their blog...and i dunno why.....they just answered me, it is because some personal matter....i guess maybe they were criticize by some individuals about what they wrote in the blog...

Like myself...i did receive criticize from peoples.... but i dunt care...as i know...its my blog...its up to me what i want to put or write....Its all happen because of the entries that full of hatred....as far my concern...that thing wont happen if you really act supposedly...All the people that i comment that i cursed in this blog..they older than me...they claimed that they sacrifices so many things and they more experienced...how about us?? do you think we didnt sacrifice our time...do you think it is because for the credit hour....well...one year ago..hell no.....but now...it seem meaningless...i try to find the joy that i had year ago....friendship that i seek and the friendly environment is not there anymore....its gone along with the last batch.....and experience....yeah maybe some of us lack of it...but it doesnt mean we no need to have the chance to try and learn.... they always given the chance to the same people as matter of fact....

We cant make people to like us all the time and im fully aware about it...From what ive learn at school and matriculation...its really hard...but we can always cope and success by trying to do the best....if they really professional....between them...they will solve it...not critize me instead in the meeting in front of all....i remember that time...i try to hold my laugh and smile......they care about their reputation or what?? if yes..its too late....some of us already leave.....every semester....people will leave the club...from there...everyone know...something fishy going on....and so funny....i heard now...squash club always receive a number of new member every sem...why?? as they told me...its much easier to join and not so many rules to get the 1.5 creadit hour...dunno bout that...but maybe next semester i will leave and join PRS...my real club since primary school.... since...i think im not gonna to make it this sem since i think i will failed as the MT hate me...hahaha....well..they act based on emotion now which they claimed i was.....its very funny...when the things that they complained about me....they practice is...isnt it a good joke?? hahaha.....now i really bored to talk or write about them....

That was my sad csmpus life...hehehe....my real personal life...hmm....i will write it later...maybe tonight or tomorrow....its depends....since im so busy with campus and college stuff...yaiksss...

20 March 2010

Its saturday

its saturday....and seriously im in chaos...im not really feeling so well...i really dunno why...hormone i think...hahaha...standard answer...well today i chat with my former english lecturer from Matriculation... he is a great guy....his name is Mr Rudy Nordin...from tawau and just married to a beautiful wife...


We always keep in touch...ermm..not that always....before facebook...we always texting...just to ask how we are doing....now there is facebook...much cheaper...muahahaha... he really like a brother to me...i dunno why i felt comfortable with him...i can talk anything i want...and he always there to give me wise advise....today...i think i cross the border....i ask him about love... surprisingly he didnt care and just give me answer...i felt better and happy....yaiks....now u guys know why im felling not well...muahaha.....

p/s:i just short entry....i will update u guys later or maybe tommorrow

16 March 2010

talented singer (en.mimpi)

Since i start to open and write a blog...i found a very interesting friend...one of them syah....i did make a post about him....so this is the second time i wanna talk about other blogger that i meet in this blogger world....i never meet him apparently but in this blogger world....he become my friend....he always make my day....unfortunately i dunno what his name is....i only know him as en.mimpi...actually he found my blog first and ask me to check his blog...at first i dunt really bother since im so busy my own life....until then i tried visit his blog....his blog full about his music...he his very talented...he can write his own song and he also sing very well...sometime he would sing other people song which already famous or we never heard it before..overall, he rocksss!!!!..this is his latest song and i really like it....if u have time...go to see his blog...


Football

Football...huhuhu...well..i would like to say....I HATE FOOTBALL. hahahaha....but then i choose this topic due to our discussion with the lecturer in the English class...Today at class we learn about new writing genre....discussion...one of the example in the book are footballer shouldnt get a high salary (if im not mistaken)....so my lecturer Madam Lily explain abaut the essay....then she ask us who like to watch football....as usual...only the guys (only have 5 guys in our english class) raise their hand....Then madam Lily said....as usual no girls like to watch football...in our class maybe yeah...but outside...there are girls interested in football...if not....how come now we already have female team, maybe just few group....


Well....my father really love football...there was one time...he slept at 8 pm...and later at 11 he woke up to watch the game in the television...hahahaha.....it was so funny and really shocked my sister and i because that time we staying up late to finish our homework.... I always wondering....why people like to watch football...what is in the game satisfy them?? Then i get my answer myself....huhuhu.....it is the interest that we always have for the game...for myself,yes i hate football but damn i love basketball....well football and basketball have some concept...we chasing one little ball and shot it the make a goal, just with different ways and also different setup....

13 March 2010

2 very powerful word

Hai guys....this morning was so terrible... the talk really kindda useless and i'm really sleepy in the Lecture hall...Maybe due to the not enough sleep last night.... After the talk...while waiting for my friend, i met Asaqni outside, we were in same club and recently we together in the Kursus Aasas Fasilitator (Kaf). Between him and i, were not very good story...i really pissed off with him regarding the emergency kit. I did wrote entry bout it.... Im not really pissed off with him anymore...it just my feelings...its feel uncomfortable....


Fortunately i still can be profesional, i still worked with him as best as i could and respect him since he is older than me and in fact...he is really wise guy...always have a lot of crazy and fun idea for our club.... Today outside the lecture hall,he smile widely and he said...THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE. Im like...er what???? what message????? Then he answered me...KAF. Then i understand...i remember on the last day of the program after i went back...i sent a message to all the committee member. it dunt exactly remember what i wrote...what i remember...i said thank you for their help and corporation helping me to do my work whenever i need it and it was really fun to work with them yet i learned a lot. I also said sorry if there are my words or acts that might hurt their feelings......

He thanks me just because i send the message....im so happy...tha word Thank You for the message really made up my day...Who know, there are people appreciate our sincerity to say thank you and sorry even though just via messages...Actually im planing to say it directly to them after the closing ceremony...but for unexpected circumstances...i need to go back early with Faiz....

Do you ever realize, how powereful the word Sorry and Thank you are....They might be simple...but thats word make other people happy and then make the situation better.... Unfortunately, some person too ego to say it....he or she rather hurt other people feelings than saying the two short words...

Guys...im hoping...if u realize u done something wrong to you friend... apologize to them...it wont hurt you..if u afraid to speak directly to your friend, a text message or a phone call is more than enough....They would appreciate it...believe me...and always say thank you no matter what whenever your friend help you even she or he might scold you earlier for disturbing them.....

p/s:not just for friend...stranger also sometimes need to hear both words from you....

Im insane

Muahaha....yes im insane a.k.a crazy a.ka sewel a.ka gila a.ka otak mereng. Why i said so...bcoz it is 4 in the morning..and i just finished tidying my room...Where got people do some cleaning at this time...only me i think....I Dunno why...i felt i want to clean up my messy area in the room...well..both my room-mate and i got a messy area so equal to super messy room due to my very limited time for myself since there are a lot of activities going on...I just finished cleaning up my desk, my drawer,under my bed and also cupboard....feeling i want to clean up my book shelve but i know i gonna make a very loud noise especially with all the heavy books...so i think im gonna continue later


Unfortunately... first thing in the morning, i have a talk from Jabatan Pertanian i think for the EBX subject. Attendance is compulsory so i have to go no matter what...i really hate this....but luckily my club cancel their program to go bowling later this evening...so i think i can have my rest and spend my time for my luxury and to do other work...

p/s: Yaikss....exam is around the corner and i really not ready yet

12 March 2010

unstoppable cover

Hai guys...i'm a person who like to search for youtubers that sing a cover for my favourite songs...i dunt know bcoz sometimes they sing with different way and sometimes its good....so as u know...my new favorite song is unstoppable by rascal flatts....not many youtubers sing cover for it...but i found one...that time i was listening to the song that rascal flatts version meanwhile i keep clicking at the youtube to open newtab....after the song finish....i try to search back the tab to re-play the song but then the song play by itself....but it wasnt rascal flatts...in fact...i love it more...keep finding between the tab that i opened...i found this....its very good....i did listen other his cover....God...he really good...since he disable to embed his video...so i just put the link below...


Fall in love with country music

As u guys know...im crazy with tv series especially regarding investigation and murder...So i think a lot or u might guess one of my favorite tv show...huhuhu...of course Crime Scene Investigation (CSI)...either Miami version,New York version or Las Vegas version....So recently im following latest season for all there CSI....the latest i watch was the Las Vegas version....the opening of the series is a group of singer sing on the stage before one of the singer collapse because of electric shock through his guitar...but im not talking about the case in CSI...i want to talk about the group....the song they played really nice...i re-play it again and again....for half an hour i think....lastly i forgot about my desire to watch CSI...instead i went to youtube and randomly type the word...lastly i found it...the group is real...they call Rascal Flatts...They are county singer...the song that i heard are called 'unstoppable'...Yeah...really unstoppable to hear...huhu....here is the video clips...enjoy...



P/s: all their song really five star...i love them all...they in the industry for 10 years already....all this 10 years...their vocal getting better and better....plus...they are good looking!!! huhuhuhuhu

11 March 2010

Husbands and Husbands

While i was surfing the youtube...searching for some idea for games that can be conduct in a camp... i found an interesting vids...it is recommended vid from youtube.. the tittle husbands and husbands attracted me....



The little boy is very sweet...i think two guys that capture the vids is gay....when the little guy said " so u love each other" it really make me smile....he dunt think marriage from sex perspective instead....it is becouse of love...his pure heart and mind really make me happy and even those couple...If only people in this world are like this little guy....so those who r lesbian or gay could live their life happily without any distubance.

p/s: i realize i talk a lot about gays and lesbian.....is not bcoz im one of them....but im a friends for one of them...and i hate when people judge other people without think first...May God bless the child and the couple...

totally fake!!

i found this in my email inbox...


Secure Message - Very Important
From:
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
Add to Contacts
To:

Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
Anti-Terrorist and International Fraud Division.
935 Pennsylvania Ave, NW
Washington, DC 20535
USA
ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY
This e-mail has been issued to you by the Federal Bureau of Investigation in order to Officially inform you that we have completed an investigation on an International Payment in which was issued to you by an International Lottery Company which was designated to be allocated from Nigeria. According to our completed investigation, a Multi-National Lotto company located in Nigeria launched a Lottery System whereby a Software is built to randomly select different alphabets and then select different domains and whichever e-mail seems valid and working wins.

According to our discovery, your e-mail address has legally won you the sum of $1,600,000.00 (One Million, Six Hundred Thousand US Dollars). We discovered that your e-mail address won the Lottery as they advertised your e-mail address all over Nigerian websites, TV stations and even Radio Stations for Advertisement in order to lure other people into playing their Lottery. The Federal Bureau of Investigation found out that the Lottery took place last month and when the Lottery Company was contacted they gave assurance that the winning e-mail address has been contacted, however we discovered that people in which have been contacting you in regards to all types of Money Transfers, Winnings are ALL fake.

The impostors obtained your e-mail address via the public notification of your Lottery Winning, they therefore sent you several false letters. You are immediately advised by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to IMMEDIATELY stop all communication with any individual who claims to offer money from an old account, people who claim to work for Central Bank of Nigeria, etc.

We have completed this investigation and you are hereby APPROVED to receive the winning prize stated above as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and 100% risk free as the ONLY trusted agent whom has been authorized to handle this transaction is "Mr. Paul Smith". According to the Lottery Company, the total sum of $1,600,000 has been deposited at a Security Company (The Hamilton Group) and is hereby Available for you to make a withdrawal.

In order to have the winning prize delivered to you via a Certified Cashier's Check which shall be issued by Bank of America, you will be required to pay for the following below-

1. Cashier's Check Conversion Fee ( Fee for converting the International Payment into a Bank of America Certified Cashier's Check )
2. Shipping Charges ( This is the charge for shipping the Cashier's Check to your home address )

The total cost of both required documents would cost $575 (Five Hundred and Seventy Five US Dollars) and your check shall be delivered to you within 24 hours after confirmation of payment by your authorized agent. The
Federal Bureau of Investigation attempted to deduct the required $575 from your winning prize, however a pre-authorized check has already been issued out and cannot be reversed. You are therefore responsible for the requested fee of $575, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has authorized you to be rest assured that this transaction is 100% risk free. Therefore, you are to trust ONLY your transaction agent (Mr. Paul Smith).

In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( Mr. Paul Smith ) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate contact information:


CONTACT AGENT NAME:
Paul Smith
E-MAIL ADDRESS:
pausmith@blumail.org

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:



FULL NAME:
ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE
:
DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:
CURRENT OCCUPATION:


You will also be required to request details on how to send the required $575.00 in order to immediately ship your prize of $1,600,000 via Certified Cashier's Check issued by Bank Of America, also include the following transaction code in order for him to immediately identify this transaction : HS-10-288.


This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is authorizing you to pay the required $575.00 ONLY to Mr. Paul Smith via information in which he shall send to you, if you do not receive your winning prize of $1,600,000 we shall be held responsible for the loss and this shall invite a penalty of $8,000 which will be made PAYABLE ONLY to you (The Winner).

Congratulations!

Signature of Robert S. Mueller, III
ROBERT S. MUELLER, III
DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535


You guys know....some of the name that mentioned in this email quite familiar.... as u guys know...i like to watch stuff regarding investigation, mystery, murder and etc.....so i guess i heard those name from all the tv series that i watched....and logically....i dunt think so FBI would waste their time to send such a letter....there will be a lot of cases that would need their intention than this kind of fraud....and only stupid person would believe...