30 January 2010

When Girls Cry for A Guy

hi...when i went for blog walking...i found this entry from my friends blog, aweyn...This really kindda i guess i will just share it with u guys.... Well people...a girl easy to cry in whatever situation but weird...she hardly cry for guy unless she really deeply love the guy....

If a girl cries in front of u,
It means that she couldnt take it anymore.

If u take her hand,
she would stay with u for the rest of ur life.

If u let her go, she couldnt go back to
being herself anymore.

A gurl won’t cry easily,
except in front of the person whom she
loves the most,
she becomes weak.

A gurl wont cry easily,
only when she love u the most,
she put down her ego.

Guys, if a gurl cries bcoz of u,
please hold her hands firmly,
coz she’s the one who is willing to stay
with u 4 for the rest of ur life.

Guys, if a gurl cries bcoz of u,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of ur decision,
u ruin her life.

When she cry rite in front of u,
When she cry bcoz of u,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she’s


Which other gurl have cried with pure sincerity,
In front of u,
And bcoz of u?
She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity,

She cries,
Because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt n agony have bcome too big a
burden to be kept inside.

Think about it,
If a gurl cry her heart out to u,
And all because of u,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only u will know the answer to it.
Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say
“im sorry”.
think about it.

28 January 2010

Morning sunshine

Its nearly 7 am rite quite sleepy oredi....i think i will go to sleep in a while before i go to the class at 11 am...I've done some reading for my asignment for Academic Reading and Writing whole night....i have the idea already...but still im not sure how im gonna to do it...i found a lot of example on net but seriously they were well made i just read and take a notes if the info is valuable and i think i will just put it together....

Bye2 for head start to spin oredi....gud morning everyone

27 January 2010

Feeling great

hi its nearly a week since William passed away and now Grace has started her new life at LA. She send me an email...she said she will find a suitable job there when she is ready. Now she stay with her friend...I hope she can start a new life...

Im feeling great today....nothing special happen actually...but i dunt know....maybe bcoz i understand hydraulics and i can solve the quest with just take a look at the answers that we already discussed with madam Rosmina earlier in the class last monday... I hope i passed this paper....its fun to study and calculate but its really need out patience..

Today maybe i want to stay up late again like this morning....even though i sleep around at 7 am...i still can make it to the class at 10 without feeling sleepy....maybe i have a quality sleep since my sleep always disturbed by my roomate.... better i use my time to do my work instead still feeling tired due to disturbed sleep...Tomorrow my class at 11 am...i think i can make it...but still...i probably need to wake up early...need to go to east campus....need to compile my notes and binding it....but still thinking....maybe i will just go on friday since i dunt have any class on friday except at night...n probably meeting in the evening....

Im so busy this semester...i thought my activity would minimize but im totally wrong...its just the first month....i dunno how im gonna to make it. My schedule really overlapping but when im free i will be free for whole day....Really hate this situation....make me need to think and choose which one is most important and what the effect of my decision....

24 January 2010

Went out

Today i went out for shopping..Not shopping "shopping", but i want to buy some food like instant noodles, cracker and all the personal stuff since my room really empty. Beside that my deodorant and perfume were left out at my home at Sabah. So i have nothing to wear to class...its really bother me becouse i will keep thinking am i smelly...Hahaha..Before i dunt care all bout this perfume and especially deodorant since i felt it sticky, but after i went for pre-university, i learn all this girls stuff...i must do and dont. I feel and confident of myself since i really lack of confident about my appearance.Well u guys know why, its normal issue for fat girl. Unfortunately, there were bad part about finance sometimes killing me...I have an allergic skin...from top until bottom, so my women things like make-up, perfume, lotion,jewel and everything really expensive....i try to find cheaper thing that would not harm my skin and for now i think the cheapest thing only my perfume which is only RM6 each (my previousu perfume (Wish of Love) around RM40 a bottle,i still use this type but i limited it), deodorant RM6 and face scrub RM13...Others especially make-up could cost me RM25 and above each either lipstick, eye-shadow and so on...

As usual, i went to my favorite spot, Crown Plaza. A lot of student said everything in the mall, from ground floor till 3rd floor since 4th floor is cinema, it kills our money. Damn expensive...Hmmm...for me...its convenient there...all the stuff that i need are there..i just one building and in case i want to buy some books, i will just go to the mall next to it...The price, its fine with me....actually theres a lot of quality things not the kind of girl that would were something got brand like channel, Gucci and so on...but i like to buy them for someone special like my dad, my mom or my sisters for special day...Since i cant afford that for myself, i will just see and watch, kidda windows shopping and adore them.

So, once i arrived there, i went to grab some food. As usual, the only place to eat there since im so lazy to walk,i went for KFC. As u guys know, there a lot of interesting thing that i see there. Today different, i went for a space at the corner, not really feel want to observe people, i still feeling sad...So i just sit at one corner and sit in front the wall...all i can see only a red wall. I just enjoyed my meal. Then come a couple sit at the table beside me, i dunt really care about them since im not in the mood. Since the table was so near, i could heard what they say, I dunt really interested, look like a married couple to me, since they talk about house rent, car payment and works. So sudden he chase the girl out. Im shocked. I turn my head and watch them.They were in very fine and normal conversation, no fighting but so sudden the guy ask the women to go out.

Suddenly, unexpected, a women came towards him and she was holding a baby girl (i cant tell from the cute hair dressing of the baby). The women so beautiful than the first one. The women give the men a kiss in his cheek so do him.She ask him, " Who is that women hubby?"...Huh?? Hubby?? The first women called him that also. I still dunt the understand the scene. Then "She is a client. It was a coincidence to meet her here." What the....client?? Holding hands, talking about house rent, car payment and conflict at work....the women than reply " Owh i see.Dear could you hold her first, i want to order some food, our baby keep fussing while i went for shopping, maybe she want her dad" The men reply " Of couse, u know what people said, a daughter always want her daddy than her mommy.Go on, u know what my fav rite honey?" Then i think i understand. The real husband and wife is the men and the women that hold the baby, and the men with the first women, they are having affairs...I really sympathize with the baby's mom. She is so beautiful, like goddess and she is perfect, she give the man child, yet his husband having other affairs. Its in front of her!!!! I just felt want to tell the women about his husband, but hen i ask myself.Who i am to tell her, im only the stranger, would she believe and if she believe, what would happen if they fight and maybe worse divorce, what happen to their daughter. So i just walk away after i finished eating and i even touch his daughter head and said "You have a beautiful daughter, she just like ur wife, love her. "My last word love her, got two meanings, love ur wife and i love ur baby. Hope she get both message which i think she just might think i said i love her daughter.

Women really a great weapon. Why i say so, a women could crush other women or people happiness and a women could bring a family or other people happiness and can unite them. What i cant believe, i think the mistress to that man know that he was married. How could she destroy a family. Especially their daughter. Its unfair to her. I hope, any women out there, no matter how we love a guy, make sure he is single and available. If dunt want to get hurt, so do other women. If u want to have ur dream men, so do others. In such case, its kidda, first come first serve. So if u get in the middle...step outside. You can find other men that might give u happiness. Just dont ruin other women. i felt it once, until now im just part of the women that being hurt, so i cant imagine what happen to the person who her men nearly taken by other women. She still strong until now...but she still hurt. I admire her....

23 January 2010

feeling better

today i feel much better but still, i cant focus on my work. Theres a lot of thing that need my attention...just for now i cant do it. Last night i dream about William. The moment we first met.He stare at me like never saw a girl until Grace get jealous....It took time for me to explain but William didnt want to help me at all...He just laughed. When i start to give up and i felt wanna cry, thenWilliam explain. He really make me wanna kill him that time...Its now in our memory. Grace come to see me just now...she said she will be leaving next Monday for LA. She said too many memory between them either in Sabah or here...Everywhere she go she will remember William and she will cry again...She want to fulfill William last will.

So im gonna b alone here. two my bestfriend wont be coming back to unimas i think...Then william Grace....i start to feel the loneliness already...May God keep me strong,give new life and happiness to Grace and Will's family.

22 January 2010

My day started miserably

hai....suppose this morning until evening...i dunt have any class...but then my lab member decided that we do our third lab today at 10 pm since it will be a chaos for us like what had happened last semester because we need to change the experiment that we suppose to do last monday...Instead of doing lab H4 we went for H5 since there are another group using the same equipment...So today we went for H5.... Last night im not really good mood, i cant solve the question that given by lecturer, so i end up downloading some tv i spent the rest of my night watching it.... I kidda hooked with the series that i newly dowload so i didnt realize clock already 5 am... i a teribble student, i addicted to watch tv series especially about pseudoscience, murder, mystery that out of our mind, investigation and all that stuff....i went to bed coz at 10 am i need to be at the lab...

9.30 am sharp i was shocked from my sleep, i thought someone call my name, then i saw i roommate get ready to go to her class....i though it was my dream or my hallucination or she did call me, but im pretty sure its a guy voice...So i get ready myself meanwhile my roommate already make her way to class...Its 9:50 before i step out of the door, make my way to the lab which only 5 min away from my apartmen when i received a call, its a private number, I thought i was my friend (or actually kindda my future husband that my family pick but we decided to call it off AND I WILL TELL U NEXT TIME.DONT ASK.hehehehe). I pick up the phone and it silent on the other side...i ask who is it and i kindda yelling to the phone also. Then i heard someone cried on the other side of the confused then

"Hello.....please tell me who are u, are u my friend? listen im late for my lab, call me later if it is important okay....bye..."
"Grace??? Is that u??"
"Grace!!! im late already, call me back later kay"
"William is dead!!! Mel, William is dead!!!!!!!"
"Hahaha thats funny, i know William beside you now and laughing. I will kill u both if i see u guy"
"Im not joking mel, we use to prank u but its real"
"He passed away last night.I'm on the way to Unimas, William ask me to give you something. Could u please come down to the parking lot where we use to drop u.Please Mel..."
"but grace.... is it.."
"Yes, it is reality. I will tell u evertything after this, i will be there in 10 minutes"

My brain cant work, i seem stop breathing.. Did u guys remember the latest entry, about the generous and concern guy that took me to the clinic last tuesday?? It was william.He is my dear friend.We know each other through ym...its about 3 years ago, after i finished my SPM.He is sabahan but he work here for 5 year now....He had a great and wonderful fiancée, Grace. We met for the fist time few month ago.Coincidently at the mall at Crown Plaza.He recognize me through the picture i emailed him. That time we was with Grace, from that moment, we become friends. Grace once told me, he love me so much because he never had a sister, i like her sister. How i always want him to get what i want no matter what. How i consult him for advice about love and friend. He never felt how needed he is to someone even Grace. Ever since, three of us getting closer.

The day he took me to the doctor, he told me that he will getting married to Grace on Valentine Days. He said he want it will be their special day since he met Grace on Velentine day. Im getting healthier when i heard the news....its true what yaya said, when we happy, we will feel much better cause our body will release a hormone. I still remember that day, he laugh so hard in the car until tear run down to his cheek and still laughing along the way back to unimas when i mumbling and kindda curse the doctor after i was given an injection. I JUST HATE SYRINGE!!! He laugh and laugh until i also laugh with him....Even im sick but im just happy. Even Grace keep calling to make sure im alright.

On wednesday evening, William call me, he ask we to go out with him and Grace to grab some dinner but i couldnt go since i have the co-curriculum thingy at night. He kindda force me and i even can heard he and Grace fighting over the fon to talk to me and force me to come...But i want to finish the credit hour. That the last time i heard his voice. i tried to call him whole day next day but i could reach him or even Grace. So i just think maybe they were out to see some client since both of them are insurance agent and they work as a partner. I never thought this would happen.

I ask myself, why so many people i love and care was taken away from me. I couldnt cry anymore...i text Mellvyn that i would be late for the lab.When Grace arrived, she look pale and her eyes, got the dark circle. I know she grieving. I took her to my room and we talk there. She hand in a purple envelope to me. It was William handwriting on top of it....It said...To my little angel, Mel. Grace said, she received a letter also from William. After Grace calm down,she told me, William had a heart problem. He found out about it year ago and he never told anybody about it include his parents and Grace. Nobody know about it...He is so clever to cover it....and we are so stupid didnt notice it. His doctor did explain, William is in the waiting list for heart donor,whenever there is the donor it didnt match. He battle by himself for all this year, and then his lost the battle last night. He have a heart attack while he was sleeping. After Grace when back, i went to the lab. The session nearly finish. I felt guilty, but i really can say how im sorry to my group member already. Mellvyn ask me if it is okay, i just said, im fine but just tired.I didnt pay too much attention to my group member.I keep thinking about him.He is nice person and he only 25 years old.

After went back from lab, i opened his letter.He said that he is sorry that he hid it from all of us...He dunt want we to feel bad. What was his thinking!!! We love him. He ever said to me, if i suffer, he would suffer also, but why he kept this suffer by himself. Fight is alone and now leave us behind without said Goodbye?? He also said, he know the time would come...Just he dunno when. He said, for the past few months, he had a sister that he never thought he gonna have. Both most important girl in his life,Grace and I bring him a lot of happiness and wonderful memory. The memory will still alive and he will still be there watching over us...He ask me to take care of Grace, maybe Grace is older than me but she is reckless. He afraid she would do something stupid.

This few months, i felt so happy, had a brother. We are not related by blood but we were related by love and care. Now he was gone, he also didnt allow me to go to his burial. He said, he dunt want i cry, but im still crying William. There are no tears in my eye but my heart crying and calling for ur name. You always be there for me and now?? I will do everything u ask. Except 2 things, i wont replace you with anybody. You are the only one brother that i got. Secondly, i wont be able to find your replacement in Grace heart. Both of us know, how Grace love you, it is depend on her itself.As long you are in her heart there is nothing i could do.

" William, u are great Son to ur parents, a great lover to ur love, Grace, a great friend and brother to Me, A good friend to tasya, jessy, kim, joyce,helen, wong and dhira. We will always remeber you in our memory, u will always in our heart. May God bless you my dear brother"

21 January 2010

blogging in order to get known???

hi kindda busy this i have a high fever last friend so generous and concern about me, took me to the private clinic at kuching. All payment, he settle it for me....Thanks my friend....I was given an injection to reduce my fever and temperature which preety high, 41.7 before i already got flu and cough...then thing turn worse when i caught in rain that morning and evening..... Plus, i cant wash my hair due of girls condition....huhuhu.... after half an hour...i felt much better....but my headache still i spent more my time to take some sleep and rest... i need to restore my health because start tommorow, my day would be in chaos....i have a lot of overlapping schedule and meeting...

Just now....when i went to my blog dashboard, there 2 comments....both are the same comment from same is what he or she wrote to me...

I know every blogger is desperate to find Followers to his blog and get his blog indexed by google.

For this sake i have created a page on face book.
Read the posts on discussion board and gets tips..
If interested become the fan"

It was so funny....the commenter said...EVERY sorry to dissapointed u my dear not those the desperate commenter.... maybe he think im one of those because of the visitor counter and online visitor count that i put in my blog.... well, i put those thing because i just want to many person of people did went to my blog....if u guys remeber in previous entry....i did say that i think i want to close this blog....but then i change my mind aftera few of my readers said, it was fun to read my true experience, that make me wont do any harm....if u also still remember in my previous entry which i think a year ago, i like to make people happy no matter who is the person is...since there are people want to read it....i will continue my writing even its only one person want to read it....

Whatever i put,decorate or wrote in my blog, is my true reflection of myself...if u blog always in dark colour....just after i change it, i put a fe colourful colour but it still base in black....everything have their own reason....i did not put it there because it beautiful or nice to see...For the first time when i started this blog....i pun my blog name as Love is beautiful, i wrote about love...then i realize....what i wrote is about be honest...i started this blog to advice people about love especially to the young teenager...since that what i do since im in secondary school...people always seek for my advice....well...lot of them work but some are not...Then i love story also in chaos...i dont have the right to advice people if i cant manage my own love story....

The blog than chabge to Story of my life...i put under the blog's title "im a girl, im a daughter, im a sister, im a friend". It is because....i do the best to be all the 4 characteristic.... i become a real girl after i through a lot of dark moment which nearly took my life....i become a daughter to a wonderful and awesome parent, they maybe strict and really get into ur nerve sometime...but that make me a better person and better daughter, i become a sister to 2 great little angel after 5 years live as single chlid, they give me more than i want in my life...they adore me as i adore both of them.Our sisterhood sometime kind of rocky, from a sister we become enemy, we hate each other, after that, we become one to be a brick and wall to make sure our "home" didnt collapes, since that we value each other....we cant live without each other, from sister we become friend and besfriend, and now, we are one person, without one of us....we will be death... then i become a friend to such a wonderful friend....Ika, Anna, Sabarina, Azah, Ellyvia,Lynn, Mellvyn, Yaya, Stephanie, Faiznurain. You guys are great....

So once not those desperate blogger that desperate to find follower....its already near 2 years, i have 44 follower and a few person that love my entry, thats more than enough for me...

17 January 2010


i received a . or actually a warn from my dear friend through my blog...this is what my friend said

"had changed my URL add for my hate to spammer ralph he named pathetic is thattt...anyways..he spammed my chat box with massive unacceptable wordsss and totally made my day as bad as in helll. ok, i don't mind anymore today because when i told him about he had contaminated mybeloved blog..guess what that *** said..plez tell me what did i said in ur chat least just listen to my explaination..
ok..back to my point..what's the point of answered his call..ko ingat ko tu sapa???? dah buat salah xnak mengaku..what a jerk.
oooo he really screwed up my day..huh!
beware bloggers out there..this man is a very ungrateful friend and most important is he is not sensitive enough with people..maybe that explained he was hated once, and he is irresponsible.."

Well, she kinda pissed off with the blogger name ralph romez...but i understand what she felt....its really annoying...Thanks my dear friend for the warn and sharing with me ur new link...

by the way....i received another comment from anonymous...promote about nudity video and pic....he even said for 18 years old and above only.....this guy really crazy.....what funny....he or she just use anonymous....this person dont have the courage to tell us who is this my opinion....this person know who am i....probably my dear enemy..People who know me....they understand....if they wanna talk openly about sex or much wild stuff....i dunt bothers...for me....its just for our info....but if u asking this kind of stuff...i mean ask me to watch or see that kind of gonna be soooo furious ....

to this anonymous...Well...pls....if wanna comment...just comment bout my topic...not something else....ur lust....u can keep urself kay....

12 January 2010

Not feeling very well

hi...from now on...i will only update my blog once a week...and if i feel wanna write more than 1 entry per week...i will just do it....Im not feeling well today...haiya...just start new semester already sick....i have a headache, flu and cough since yesterday....but this morning when i woke up to get ready for class...i barely can stand body feeling hot....for half hour i try to stabilize myself....the clock the end just decided i had to skip geotech this morning.....i love to enter the class!!! its frustating.....but my condition really bad....maybe because i sleep very late last night....calculating my lab report all night after hubungan etnik class finish since i made some error in previos calculation....and what really take my time is to key in the head really painful and im sleepy but i did force myself...then try to figure out how to do the damn ended with nothing....haiyaa......

After taking a few getting better...still dizzy but i can hold i went to english class..this sem im taking academic reading and writing....all my way to cls(centre languange of study) i keep recite some pray so that my lecturer in this course would me a nice lecturer...When i entered the class... a few student already there....the lecturer also so shocked....she look like my grandmother....the way she dress and smile accepted she wearing extra profesional pink coat but i notice the blouse she wear just like my grandma....she always smile....i keep looking at her while we were waiting for other sudden i miss my grandma....for whole 2 hours...i felt like 20 minute even my headache bothering me....the way she talk...the way she treat us...the way she smile....the way she speak....make me speechless....Her name is Mdm Lily Law...she teach us with smile...even sometime nobody like to respond to her...maybe still not get used to her and other classmate...she just smile and always said...nevermind...lets do it together....after one hour past....things getting better...some student...dare to answer all her question....class are not quiet as the looking forward to going to the class next week....even though she did give us homework....i would be happy to do it even i have a lot to catch up right now....

Till next time....bye

05 January 2010

new semester begin

every new sem and every year i like to say a bunch of word which sometimes i think its only a bunch of word without any meaning to me or would effect my life....

"My life begin today and and a new journey start today"

its only a bunch of word without any meaning i think....let life begin today...i think mylife oredi began for 20 years ago....or 20 year 9 month 10 days (dunno the specific hour and minute)...since i was in my mother why do i like to day those is because....i always think that my life is in misery until sometime i could not hold on anymore....but i forgot that there were someone else that i think their life much worse than normal...believe me....everyone would feel what did i felt...minimum once in their life....but still...i know the word wont change who i am and how i act...but like to say give me hope...hope to hold on...hope to keep going even though im tired....hope to finish whatever i have started....hope that wil fulfill my parents hopes.

journey start journey already started since im still crawling on the floor...i felt and learn about all the pain cause by falling down....i learn which one or what i suppose to eat and what i suppose could not ut in my mouth....i explore the world outside even though im only in my mother small garden...i learn how to love my own journey become far...i still go on and go on....and i journey wont stop until i was repay for all the good things and bad things that i did in this world.....

Its people always said something that we already on it....

Its just a thought....gudnite people...luv ya

01 January 2010

New Year

Its been a mont i think from my last is 1st january 2010...we already left 2009 behind...For one year, i have been going through a lot of thing....some i wouldnt and wont remember in my life and some...i dunt want talk about it and i wish it didnt happen...

Well...first...let me tell u...i already broke up with prince.,..i broke up with him in the middle of study week...Its not he left just me who ask him so we can be friend....i dunt have time for him... i always left him wondering without any news sometime for month...its not appropriate for a i think it is better i ended it myself or i will hurt him more and maybe myself.....well..single is so much fun....but now...we still good friend and much better than before... i guess this one is a good thing...even we were surrounded by sorrow for a few days due of the break up...but its okay

Worse thing pointer for 2nd sem....put me in LB state....but luck is beside my pointer up until 2.0...but still make me cry a few days...broke my heart until i nearly want to quit....after my lil sis talk to me and convince me to climb up a bit and later i would success...then i agree to continue...give a shot....even still heart broken...i try my best...n for this third pointer turn to 2.1...rise a bit...but it enough to give me hope to continue....

This year, my health condition so not so good....i dunno friend said maybe i dunt have enough rest....maybe...i will try to balance my personal life,rest and study....And tommorw im going back to sarawak to continue my 4th sem....wish me rise my pointer....n hope God give me stregth and a good health....thats it for now....need to finish packing...daa