CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

31 January 2012

Coming back with mixed feeling Part 1

Hai guys...its been a long time....i should close this blog long time ago...yet...i dont have the heart to do so...maybe because this blog has been my bestfriend when im was a wrecked and when i had the moment like im on top of the world... During the hiatus period....im relying on my bestfriend who also now my roomate to share my feeling....and during the period.....i cry a lot....i become severely sensitive......until my bestfriend afraid im doing something stupid coz in her life...she never saw im that fragile.....i was know because of my strong personalities and my ability to endure things....

So many things happen during the period....im struggling.....have a fight with housemate which really stress me out and resulting me crying whole day and only stopped when i fall asleep.....on top of dat....i had 2nd fight with my bestfriend due to my attitude....With too many things happen around me...i snapped only due small matter. Thank to God, it only took 2 days to solved the problem rather than 4 months for the 1st fight...

Worst of all....I FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE OF MY BESTFRIED!! You can call me crazy....im just helpless....actually i started to like him since i was in first year yet i just buried the feeling deep inside. Getting close to him is very easy which me myself never thought i can be his friend since he is toooooo nice.....but then, after a comment from my classmate who asking me are we dating, i started to running away...i dont know why and thank to God he didnt realize or questioned me bout it since we jst know for few monts...... until year ago....i guess its fate....we become close again....he such a nice guy and we become closer and closer till i proudly said to people....he is my bestfriend....unknowingly...the feeling that buried deep inside my heart....growing and 'THANKS TO MY FRIEND' who love to tease us.....it begin to hit me....i become uncomfortable...n stupidly....i confess to him..... i know some of his secret....he told me which i really appreciate it....so im pretty sure he wont accept me....but i still have some hope....

The result is as expected....he didnt receive my love but we still bestfriend......i try my best to drop the matter as i promise him....for first few days after the confession....it feels awkward between us....i can sense it....plus with problem he had with his friend....it just killing me....Now...i can compressed my feelings when im with him.... but i admit...sometime...when i look at him...i really wish i could proudly admit to people he is my boyfriend since actually we do really act like one....thats what my sister and friends told me....unfirtunately as painful it is...he is not....sometimes im still hoping that sometime he we ask me to be his girl.... In my dream huh???

On the other hand...im losing weight....im happy with me coz i can lot of clothes that i always wanted....i also feel more confident of myself but the food craving really worried me....coz at least two days a week....i will crave for something unhealthy....the more weight i lose the more often it will happen.....and after i eat like tonne of food....i will suddenly lose appetite for the whole week....is that even normal??? my friend said it is because i was so stress....i really dunno.....

Actually ive to much to tell....but my leg now is numb since im sitting on the floor...so i will continue some other time.....