CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

30 June 2013

Holidays just started

Haiiii... How are you guys doing...? Hope all of u have a wonderful time with ur beloved ones; family, friends or ur lovers....

Right now... Ive come home.. Come back to my sanctuary... I arrived two days ago.. Im happy yet im worried... Im happy because im home...finally... N worried since the insecurity of the outcome of our finals later on... I cant put my best shot due to my sickness... However I really hope, I can get it thru... Let just stop here about that okay..

Today... I went to Labuan.. Visiting my youngest college... Im bit worried about her... Owh... Shouldnt use past tense since ill always worry about her... Well... I cant help it... It has been embedded into my genes... Ive give her quite long talk trying to talk some sense into her... It was my dad request... He dont know what to do anymore regarding her behavior... Cant blame him... He not that much with us when we are younger... So her relationship with my father not that close so she always just ignoring him...

To make the matter worse...my mom always backup my younger sistet which literally driving my dad crazy amd he been complaining about that to me... And as usual... My mom try defending my youngest sister n instead blaming people surroud her which causing me to ask her to shut up n let only me to talk... Kindda too much.. But that was necessary...

Ibe try to approach her softly n try to give example to her using our own experience and literally explain one by one to her everything for any decision has been made.. From where I stand... I think she finally understand... Hopefully...

What next... Ill become my dad partner doing business and I will actually paid... Thats will be good for me... And I think ill learn how to drive... Oh mu God!! Well.. Ill update about that...

18 June 2013

24 years old

Hiii... Today im officially 24 years old... Its my birthday today... Its a bittersweet day... 3 years ago at this same date... I lost my beloved grandpa n im not so sure how to react to the day... Be happy seems to much... Grieving also too much... So I guess I choose to be subtle...

I guess im nor celebreting and grieving... Just continue my day as usual... However, bit sad though... My bf seems doesnt remember my birthday at all... He surely remeber the date but I guess it not something he look forward to celebrate it since he does not even realized today is 18june.... He is a guy... What should I expect huh?? They are so bad with this kind of thing... Sorry guys.... But it would be nice if he try to be the first one to wish happy birthday to me... Thats would be sweet...

Its okay though.. Im not really in the mood of celebrating... Too much in mind.... With my coughing non stop which really making me lost focus.... I cant even study... I really dont kbow... What would happen to my result... I just hope I can pull everything thru...

10 June 2013

Bad Luck for the snakes?

Hai my dear reader... Currently its 6:18am... kindda early.... i woke up at 5am just now.... cant sleep well due to the sore throat and headache. I'm not feeling well for the past 2 days... Had a fever.... Now  im okay but my throat still sore... loosing my voice and dont forget the headache. I dont know how to study in this condition. Ive paper in 4 days... and i havent study a bit for that paper. I hope i manage to pull it thru.

I think it is the worse study week ever.... i was sick... bit lonely since my bf bit busy... yet bit disturbed since he like to call every morning at 6ish which kindda both sweet and annoying since its too early. However, i shouldn't complain much huh??? he is being nice and good boyfriend...

Based on Chinese Zodiac, i was born as a snake.... According to my dad (Don't know where he read this), this year will be tough for me... im not sure just for me or for all the snake around the world... He ask me to be careful in anything that i want to do.... At some level... i do agree with him... i fall sick easily this year.... so many unstable emotions (nothing new with this huh? hee) and having problem in so many way possible in every matter... and UHHHHHH... dont get me started with that... ill be writing special entry for my unfortunate event for ur amusement later...

I really i can pull thru everything and always be able to find my way even though in the dark. This is my final semester and i really dont want anything happened to me or my studies.... 5 years is too much already.... and i'm hoping that ill be leaving this place for good soon...

09 June 2013

Worried too much?

Haii peoples... currently it is 3:38am... What im doing up this late? Me myself dont know why... It just so many things in my mind right now... Feels like want to explode soon. Making it worse...my health condition not helping at all...

Two days ago, i received news from my sisters... Its turn out my youngest sister appeal to enter Labuan Matriculation College was approved. She was given one year program just like me and other younger sister who just finish her study there. Matriculation is a good opportunity... it teaches how to survive university life later and teach us to be independent and learn how to evaluate people. And its not easy to get there. Believe me... people looked up for those who manage to get himself/herself in there especially when we are from small town. Im not ashamed  to say that i make my parents proud when i was selected to go there 6 years ago since peoples around us looked up at my family and I. Then a year ago... my sister selected to attend the school which resulting to some level of respect. Actually... All three of us attend the same school since we were young and somehow... we kindda a popular student... starting with me... the good name continues and the legacy of Tang's family continue on and we were known not only we are Tang's which really bring all the tension to us three siblings since we need to act like Goddess to preserve the good name.

However, the tension have more impacts on my youngest sister. Being a Tang and also a youngest sister to two older sister whom has our own popularity in school and also at our small village stressed her out since peoples always comparing us. Between three of us, im more the trouble maker and also such a pain but outside... im The Goddess that many people adore despite my physical look... I gain respects due to my bluntness since i always do whatever i think is right and hell dont care what people think about me. Despite that, teachers like me. On the other hand... the middle daughter was a truly Goddess outside and inside. She is the sweetest person that i ever known.... as the middle child, she is the one who always has the responsibility and only her can prevent my youngest sister and I at each other throat. Thats the reason people adore her and like her a lot. Plus she is more clever that me and her grade always higher than me...

Lastly my youngest sister. She is both my sister and I and double that up.... She is both... the Angel and also the Devil. She is most beautiful between all three of us... She has a great and straight hair... i adore her so much.... however there are sometimes i wish to strangle her. She is Miss Attitude. However her academic level is at average which is slightly below us... but i know deeply in my heart... she is one hell clever young lady if she work hard bit more. Since high schools, teachers always compare her to us. Issues arise when she was not selected to enter the elite class like both of us did. However she proved to everyone she also can do what we did and she manage to get a place in the best class during Form 4. She has been thru a lot... at the crucial stage of her life... we both not there... Im here at Sarawak stuck with my semester and meanwhile the other at Labuan study. Nobody was there to help her thru the period. Her result was turn out okay.

Unfortunately, she was not selected to attend the college which really disappointment and i know she was devastated... I told her that she should attend normal school... so she enrolled herself into Pre-University (Form 6) and yet so many people judging her and start comparing us again. What so bad with Form 6??? She was really sad regarding that matter. However, everything turns out well... her appeal was approved and now she will be going to Labuan next week.

Since I received that news... i cant study well or sleep well... im too worried... How she gonna survived there... will she be okay... will she misses us... will she get a good friend... will she get a good roommates like we did.... will she get a creepy roommate like i did.... the questions just floating around my mind... I know she is a big girl now... but in my heart... deeply inside.. she always my baby sister that i will always worried.....


02 June 2013

1 litre of tears

Haii... study week has just started... My first paper will be on 14th June... which mean i have almost 2 weeks of study week. I hope i can manage my time properly.... For few days from now on, i think ill sleep a lot... i think i've become a bear... where i have hibernation period.

It is normal for me where first few days during the study week, ill sleep a lot... sometime reach 15 hours per day... Maybe because i was exhausted for months due to the lecture, study and also assignments. However this semester i has extra assignment for marketing during study week.However, it is our choice completely either we want to do it or not since the purpose of the assignment is to help those who might low marks in their test and other project. Ive been thinking either i want to do it or not since im in hibernation and study week mode already.... Maybe Ill do it...

On the other hand, during study week, i always feel depressed, maybe due to the pressure of the necessity to pass all the subjects. People said, when u feel depressed... just let it out.... and my way... crying... I admit im a crybaby and even my boyfriend scared with that fact and he try to be careful and delicate while handling my emotions... that is why i love u boo... hee....

However, it will be sound so stupid if i just cry for no particular reason... so ive some help... I watch Japanese series call 1 Litre of Tears. It was based on a true story.. A life of a girl name Aya who has a rare and incurable disease at the moment. She died at the age of 25 years old 24 years ago after 10 year suffering. During the period, she wrote a diaries and then got published. The diaries has touched millions people. I would really love to read the book someday...

Aya has suffered so much yet she never gave up until her last breath.... She keep fighting and continue to live her life as normal as she could. Even though she always ask herself, why she was chosen for that cruel disease, she still always believing in herself. I could answer her to her question, it is because she is the strongest person ever who could fight for herself... There are so many people didnt appreciate their live... Some just complaining about everything without knowing, there are peoples who has the worst and fight to live.... Thru Aya, there are millions of people start to understand and start to appreciate their life and also what they have (which may include me)..

I always hope... i can be strong like Aya.... because i know im not....

01 June 2013

Exam Week Started Soon

Hai guys.... how have u been? i hope all of u in a good health and a good shape... Unlike me... this past 2 week feels like living in Hell (Like i know how Hell feels like..hee)... well...metaphorically... There are so many works need to be done yet the work load was doable... until past one week... where i need to do assignment which meant for 5 people alone...

Its amazing how.... 2 of my group member didnt know about this assignment until the second week after the assignment was given which i think it is absurd. It is because... one... our lecturer announce it in the class and show us the assignment... and Second.. he uploaded the assignment in Morpheus (where lecturers upload or post anything for us to download) just few hours after the class ended... Havent they opened  Morpheus whole damn week... Then... they request me to leave them alone because they have tonnes of work.. with they final year project and also with integrated design project... Ive taken both year ago.. i admit its not easy... but still.. i never asked other people to do my work for me just because im busy...

Then, two of my group member... busy with works and midterms.... and one of them didnt bother at all although i panicked the last day of submission because i havent finished.... She just look at me like... "Huh.. thats ur problem not mine". Doesnt she know im fighting for her marks too... to make sure her worse nightmare for not able to graduating this semester would not happen...  Another one... just happy to let me do myself.... waiting for me to give him work... Sometimes feel want to bite him for that reason... And heyyyy... i know if u read this i know u know i meant it u... Yet still... he helps me to finish up the assignment with some guidance... So thank you very much for that help and i appreciated it....

On the other hand, my boyfriend gone mad with four of them... He really mad for the fact, they assume i can do the work together and didnt even try hard enough to lend a hand. He really concern because my eating habit has changed... my sleep schedule back to chaos... my health in up and down condition.... In the end, despite of the headache of the work load... i was lectured by him for letting them do this to me... What can i do boo.... im not that kind of person... i rather complaining to you then go berserk in front of them which nearly happen few times...

 This is the reason i cant leave this place... i think the environment has pushed me into the edge.... and this is the reason also i decided to only take my master later.... Actually i decided to go for master after my degree.... but if this kind of conditions continue... Ill be death in just a month... I barely survived this period...

Im tired of trying to make sure everyone graduate with me on time when they dont even appreciate what i done... How many times... i run downstairs to copy things for them and myself... at the end... they just took it and no action.... then borrowed mine....  Then being sarcastic to me because ive better marks than theirs... Ive tried to help them too.... but each time i shared my knowledge... they shoot me down like im a stupid fat girl.... each time... they win the conversation and i just shut my mouth.... Everyone treat me like im useless... but when they desperate, what i did that they think stupid and bothersome before is what they seek from me...


I just hope... everyone can graduate with me this semester... sadly... there are some still not able to graduate this semester for sure... and for me.. I hope i can leave this place for real this time and graduate on time... I cant wait to go back home.. to my sanctuary.