Story Of My life

Falling love again...is he the one

2012-02-14T19:39:00.003+08:00

Hallo guys....Well...from the past entry there should be part 2....but i think there wont be part 2 i think since i have no idea what to continue.....

It has been nearly 3 weeks since i comeback from my short holidays and busy myself with lab session....but other thing happened to me as well... wel since incident falling in love with my own bestfriend and u know how the outcome....ive been trying to move on...with the help from my sisters and other bestfriends.... i could say it was a success....So since i have nothing to do...ive joined tagged, some kind of networking system like facebook yet this site focusing more we finding our match for dating....well there are quite a few interested in me....actually im glad because there are people interested in me....so out of those few people....i got to know one guy....Ill just call him Min.. he is a nice guy....somehow im flutter since the first day he contacted me.....he is honest guy...i can tell and my thought was proven in some occasion.....days pass....and weirdly....ive been feeling he is the guy ive been waiting for....

On the other hand....some more weird stuff.....MY SISTER ACTUALLY APPROVED HIM AND READY TO ACCEPT HIM AS BROTHER IN LAW!! Let me tell u guys something....when im falling in love....or have a crush on somebody....my sister never approved any of them....so far...just one....but that one just because my persistence..... Its weird when with just simple foto and some background details on him...she just approved him....weird.....

But its not easy as it look even he said he really want to be with be as much as i want to be with him.....there are something holding us back.....well...i respected that just waiting.....but for now...he is the one who feeling bad and cant think straight since he said he really love me and dont want to lose me..... Well....he is a guy full of principle...thats what i like bout him....Apparently...he has a GIRLFRIEND.....but their relationship has problem since his GF feel unsecure and has been asking for timeout or better just take their own path but he insisting they continue their relationship where that time he never meet me yet...... On the other hand he has this principle where he wont ask for break up until the girl ask for it....so technically...for now...he cant be with me since he still have relationship with that girl....he dont want to turn to be a playboy...playing with women's heart.....so right now....he regret he didnt let the girl go when she ask for it...and ask me to be patient....for now...i am....but for how long??

Coming back with mixed feeling Part 1

2012-01-31T22:40:00.002+08:00

Hai guys...its been a long time....i should close this blog long time ago...yet...i dont have the heart to do so...maybe because this blog has been my bestfriend when im was a wrecked and when i had the moment like im on top of the world... During the hiatus period....im relying on my bestfriend who also now my roomate to share my feeling....and during the period.....i cry a lot....i become severely sensitive......until my bestfriend afraid im doing something stupid coz in her life...she never saw im that fragile.....i was know because of my strong personalities and my ability to endure things....

So many things happen during the period....im struggling.....have a fight with housemate which really stress me out and resulting me crying whole day and only stopped when i fall asleep.....on top of dat....i had 2nd fight with my bestfriend due to my attitude....With too many things happen around me...i snapped only due small matter. Thank to God, it only took 2 days to solved the problem rather than 4 months for the 1st fight...

Worst of all....I FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE OF MY BESTFRIED!! You can call me crazy....im just helpless....actually i started to like him since i was in first year yet i just buried the feeling deep inside. Getting close to him is very easy which me myself never thought i can be his friend since he is toooooo nice.....but then, after a comment from my classmate who asking me are we dating, i started to running away...i dont know why and thank to God he didnt realize or questioned me bout it since we jst know for few monts...... until year ago....i guess its fate....we become close again....he such a nice guy and we become closer and closer till i proudly said to people....he is my bestfriend....unknowingly...the feeling that buried deep inside my heart....growing and 'THANKS TO MY FRIEND' who love to tease us.....it begin to hit me....i become uncomfortable...n stupidly....i confess to him..... i know some of his secret....he told me which i really appreciate it....so im pretty sure he wont accept me....but i still have some hope....

The result is as expected....he didnt receive my love but we still bestfriend......i try my best to drop the matter as i promise him....for first few days after the confession....it feels awkward between us....i can sense it....plus with problem he had with his friend....it just killing me....Now...i can compressed my feelings when im with him.... but i admit...sometime...when i look at him...i really wish i could proudly admit to people he is my boyfriend since actually we do really act like one....thats what my sister and friends told me....unfirtunately as painful it is...he is not....sometimes im still hoping that sometime he we ask me to be his girl.... In my dream huh???

On the other hand...im losing weight....im happy with me coz i can lot of clothes that i always wanted....i also feel more confident of myself but the food craving really worried me....coz at least two days a week....i will crave for something unhealthy....the more weight i lose the more often it will happen.....and after i eat like tonne of food....i will suddenly lose appetite for the whole week....is that even normal??? my friend said it is because i was so stress....i really dunno.....

Actually ive to much to tell....but my leg now is numb since im sitting on the floor...so i will continue some other time.....

Human Being is Hard to predict

2011-07-14T09:00:00.001+08:00

Morning world…hopefully u guys have a nice breakfast and have plan for today.. Right now im at the office…apparently nothing to do much…actually my internship will be done Friday next week…and today is Thursdays so it is around the corner… Im happy but im bit sad too…coz there are a lot of things I learned since im here. Even though im young and inexperienced, they treat me very well and teach me a lot of things non-stop.

This morning, I went to the lab and they left without bring me along again!! To be honest im hurt. Its been like this for a while…they don’t even tell me where are they going like they did before where they are telling me everywhere they were brought and invited me along…im not blaming the lab’s staff…but I meant the other trainee that had been with me for the last 2 month… I dunt understand why they should act like that. I know they are in love…we all understand that okay…but why they should act like that…everywhere I went, im sure to call them and let them know…if wanna join…but them?? They just wanna do it alone or should I say a couple. Yes I admit im in the office nearly 8 hours each days and rarely went down to the lab already but it it doesn’t mean i’m not interested to do any work. Yes im not interested to do repeated work coz there are no use for my report or log book. We are not allowed to report repeated work. So I rather to be in the office doing my final report coz just few days left…

They are way older than me but they acted like a little kid…not just they hurting my feeling but others too… sometimes I wish I didn’t know them at all and just let me alone having internship here. Even my supervisor said, they changed a lot, not the same person she knows before…. Human being is hard to predict. I just cant wait to finish my internship and have a nice and peaceful holidays….

Im coming back + Experince meeting people

2011-07-07T14:01:00.003+08:00

WOW!!...its been a 3 months i think i didnt post any entry and updating about everything... My life being so hard after i my grandma and grandpa passed away years ago... My responsibilities on my shoulder are getting heavier and sometimes i think i dont have any strength to continue walking in the path...Sometimes i found myself lost in the middle of something...sometime i dont know what the heck im doing...Its so miserable. As lo of u knows....2 years ago im having problem with schools...my pointer drop a lot...nearly cause me kicked out from the university... now im glad coz after trying, my results are getting better and recent result was ok...no subject fail...im happy for sure...

Now im doing my internship at Jabatan Kerja Raya (JKR) or Publics work Department as Trainee Engineer... Im having fun here at first but now the condition changed...I dont know where i did wrong...maybe its me did wrong without i realizing it...well im just normal human being...i have to admit it...There are 4 of us having our internship here...3 girls and a guy...3 of us including the guy are civil engineer and the other girl is mechanical engineer. We have a superb relationship at first coz even though we just know each other, we acted like we know each other for years... Until one day God decide to let 2 of my civil friend fall in love... Even though we were not told about the relationship but we can see through it and even our supervisor sense something. On the other hand, i have a fight with the guy...ive been patience since first day i met him but i guess one day i just explode because i really hate people blaming me for something i didnt do especially when its regarding silly stuff... if u like people to treat u free lunch...its really up u want to join it or now, why u have to stay like i did and refuse the offer even i didnt ask him to...i dont really like to eat free stuff coz for me, the money was from their hardwork...i dont want to waste it even they want to spend it on me freely.

Now, me and the guy just perfectly fine...coz to me...personal matter cannot be mixed with work and im sure he think the same way and whats really nice now....before saying or doing something regarding me, he will think first, maybe afraid hurting me again or maybe afraid i become a monster for second time...^_^... but seems the girl now having a problem with me, i dont know if it was me misunderstood to the way she act... but im just hoping everything are actually fine between and im just misunderstood what she meant of doing...

While having my internship here, i learn a lot for being professional in handling matter and my personal stuff to ensure my life will not turn upside down....I admit, it was not successfully done but im trying my hard. I try to be energetic and always following all the orders given even though im having a problem with my old injured. My ankle are killing me...the pain are coming back more frequently....im really worried about it...my sister advise me to see a doctor to see what actually happen but i object coz i afraid the possibility of surgery. Maybe someday after i finished my internship i'll go see doctor and have a medical check up.

Im hoping i can post new entries soon....see u guys very soon and love u all...Muacks...

Update after A long Time

2011-03-24T02:55:00.002+08:00

Hai guys....miss all of u....ive received few comments and message that asking me to write another entry....Im really sorry guys for disappointing u.....my life is not that easy for the past few month....ive receiving a lot of criticism....

When u become a good kid.....but still people nagging at u about that...about that....you will start to act like bad kid....to protest....thats what im being doing...and my life really rough...friends that i called my family....never really my family.....there so many things happen around them and when i try correct them in really well mannered....its never work....and when i try to correct them in harsh way.....and now im the bad guy.....that i was the person that let others to learn about the problem that been happening in the organization....When they will realized that they are the reason.....people been talking behind them for almost 3 years...in front of me coz they never thought i'am part of the organization......i really cant handle it any more...the best i can do....just accept it like its really fully my fault.....that im the one that mad for power.....i just need to crush my own dignity for everyone good....im too tired too fight...way too tired....

Ive been thinking.....maybe im closing this blog since its hard for me to update......i dunt have the idea....fresh idea to write.....im in writer's block state now....

Love from me...
mel

very very short update

2010-09-28T13:49:00.001+08:00

Hai guys...i know it like already a month since my last update....i have a lot of stuff to do now....so i dunt really have time to blog....but i will try my best next week okay...Love u guys

what do you thisnk should be the philosophy of life in this world

2010-09-08T19:50:00.001+08:00

Everyone in this world are just same...there are no difference between us even we come from different background and nationality. Besides that, problem that burden us, is a new chance...take it positively..

Ask me anything

im blessed

2010-09-05T14:47:00.002+08:00

hi guys...this will be third entries for today...actually the last 2 entries were meant for yesterday....but i lost track on time...its already around 2-3 am when i posted it...my bad...So how are you guys doing...i hope everything will just perfectly fine....i will always pray for u guys readers. Without u guys....there will no blog for me to write..u guys was a blessing from God that encourage me to go from day to day.... As i said before...i will keep writing and continue sharing my stories even there only one reader....but im blessed...because each day...the visitors of this blog always 20-50 persons...this number make me happy...even though i haven't posted anything yet...the number still up to 20...I really don't care how u reach my blog....perhaps you don't event read it....but its okay with me..because....among 20 visitor...still have 1 or 2 that will read my entries.

Besides that my follower become from 44 persons to 59 person...just within 8 months....maybe its not much....but for me its more than enough...its warm my heart when people want to read my entries and become part of my life...yes guys...u are part of my life....part where i can seek happiness and calmness...Every time i feeling sad and happy...u guys are the first one come to my mind...yes it is....unfortunately because of my limited hour....i don't have any choice except updating this blog once a while....I really appreciate it....

Another normal questions that i get was how did i decorate my blog....well...its actually pretty easy...next time...i will teach you how....i was a beginner when i change my blog look...so that is the simplest thing that i manage to create just using a few tools from the net....u guys should explore yourself...simply Google blogs' template or blogs' background and similar stuff....I hate to break this to u guys....it is time consuming... for me...im taking almost 15 hours to explore and finish it and to make sure...all my current and oldest stuff still there....u need to play a bit with it coding...

Besides you guys...i have another friend...i'm bless to know him and have him as my friend....we were in the same class since i was first year here in civil engineering..He even become my group mate in few occasion...His name is Mellvyn....check his blog guys....Anything But Ordinary..He is my dearest friend here...but sadly....i have give him a lot of trouble each time...recently i ask him to buy packet of rice....*sigh*... i didn't meant to order him around...unfortunately i cant drive so i have to ask for his help occasionally...no..no..no...always ask for his help....

I always think i did take advantages to him...im really sorry....because 2 years im here....he is the only one trying to help me if he could....i hardly remember he said no to me or saying i have a lot things to do...bla ..bla..... He such a good friend....i Hope i can do more to help him especially ease his ton of work...He is really busy person...well...just like me i guess..hehe...but yeah...i will i can do something to pay his kindness...i did promise him to bring him for movie and eat...i will pay the cost for him (and once again for sure he gonna drive...*sigh*)...but apparently hard to find the time....this is the only way that i can think of to pay his kindness besides paying the gas bill....i know he is sincere helping me...but at least i want to do something in return....I did ask my dad for his opinion...cause this thing kill me silently from the inside...he suggest the same thing..Mell if u read this..thank you again for being my friend while im here....u are one in the million....

Thats all for today...im sure to update this blog soon...maybe later maybe tomorrow...who ever know....Take care guys....love u...

Fighting.....argument.....

2010-09-05T04:44:00.005+08:00

okay....as u read the title.....fighting.....and using any media to fight....its happen everywhere....they use any kind of way of technologies to fight and caused hectic...Seriously...i', ashamed of this....the common place is by using facebook....werent the facebook are used to connect and keep in touch with peoples around the world....Facebook's company need to do something about this...seriously...this is getting out of hand...they should ban the group thingy...because there is where it happen...check it below..the latest i found:

click to enlarge

Guys....im from sabah....okay mabye this guy luca lucas out of line....but for me...everyone have their own right to say especially in their wall....but still watch out the language....thats all... im dunno what he did say until all sabahan furious... but for sure..he saying the truth...from the second picture...i get it a bit...

Every state in this country have their own advantages and disadvantages....i believe other country that divided to few state are the same.... we just have to deal with it okay!!! Imposibble to make it perfect.... why dunt we just use all the advantages to be our strength and use other disadvantages become our strength....back up each other...NOT "KILLING" EACH OTHER!!

This issues never will be settle for sure....everyone want to win in this unknown and non-purposes battle...dont they realizes...they just open the gate wider...the gate that been surrounding us protecting us with 'INDEPENDANCE' seal on it....do they want the seal broken?? If u ask me...HELL NO!!! Our ancestor fight for their life to live...do we want to waste it?? i guess not...This matter really make me sad....they said they were highly educated....but instead finding ways to make us stronger....they always finding ways to break us apart...

Besides that....the religion and race matter....this issues been years....i grow up with this issues....they always in the new...for Heaven sake....we are MALAYSIAN.....maybe not all of us make this a issue.... but it effected all of us....Malays good with administration thingy, Chinese good in business, Indian good in farm, and the native good with the merchandise ....so let we do our part and bring this country on top...but again...they rather killing each other and let this country down....

To my readers...i know few of u guys are not malaysian....i know this entry make u think how horrible country we are....Actually...our country is a beautiful country....live by different race and religions who lives at different state.....Basicly we live happily together in harmony....but unfortunately....good things are not always happen, same with bad things....at some moment...some issues (that are not suppose to happen) happen....its the norm of human being...Even in US....no 1 country....still facing discrimination between white people and black people....AS I SAID....NOBODY OR PERFECTLY TO SAY...NO COUNTRIES ARE PERFECT.....BUT WE CAN TRY TO MAKE IT PERFECT FOR OUR OWN.....PEACE NO WAR!!!l Luv you guys....

Holidays had started

2010-09-05T02:10:00.003+08:00

Hi guys....i hope u guys live ur life with full of joy and blessing... Its really been a while since my last post...im so sorry..but as u guys know...my few past weeks were going insane....seriously...i barely keep myself up to face each day of my life as a student...its really hard...but i motivated myself and keep going even though i dont have enough rest and sleep...

I need to divide my 24 hours per day for classes, assignments, study for midterms and quizes, homowork, meetings and other stuff...the result...i had lacked of sleep which causes me a panda eye....hehe.

So this holidays...i sleep a lot...i mean A LOTT!! maybe to gain back my sleep time that i used to do other stuff...and for this weekends...im going to play games, watching movie and just rest myself throughly....coz on monday...i have to start study and do my works...but that doesnt mean im going to push myself just doing this stuff...for sure i will still play games and watch movie....i will take it easy this holidays

For those who didn't know....im not going back home this two weeks holidays...not that i dont want to...im dying to be at home...but when i think that i have lot of assignmens, studies and stuff to do...there are no point going back home if im busy doing my work and not spending time with my parents and family...so i decided just to stay here.....

well thats it for now...i will post a new entry soon...i promised that....take care guys....

Crazy day today

2010-08-19T20:32:00.002+08:00

Its kindda crazy today since im not feeling that well coz while im on my way to PRIMU meeting last night, i was trap in the rain...and afterward...in in the air-conditioned room for at least 2 hour...thats really not good...and when i went back to my apartment, i just change my clothes instead taking shower cause i have to do my work a.s.a.p that night...Got a feeling that my boss for sidang redaksi sakura want my report...so spend few hours typing it before i dozed....

This morning i woke up...my head felt so heavy...dunt really felt want to go to class...but then i just force myself and took a cold shower and get ready...when i arrived there...sadly...i've to wait approx 45 minutes for the lecturer to come...Would it be nice if i continue to sleep for that 45 minutes...Thanks God Mellvyn was there accompanied me ad we chat a bit...

God...this few days...the weather really not good...my friend said...something wrong about the climate...its really off from the general....So now my gum swollen...and my lips dried 24/7...my inner temperature rise...how can i stay healthy and fresh...seriously guys...i need some tips from u guys...i cant be like this everyday...it effect my daily work and my friends too at some point....

I' e try everything...drinking a lot of water...sleep earlier...its not working....now my work seems become a large pile already for Heaven sake...How i suppose to manage my life...Everything seem to turn upside down....Im thinking that i need to re-schedule my schedule, and i need to come own with something fresh...in order to ensure my life ready fall to its order and i will still kept fresh and happy...

Any suggestion... anything...please tell me...just put in the comment below...i will consider since i need to look at my time management and of course money too...tq...take care...luv ya....

I can't left PRIMU as i thought

2010-08-18T23:38:00.002+08:00

Hi guys...how u guys been doing...i hope everything will be perfectly fine...I just get back from PRIMU's meeting. Today was Annual Grand Meeting (AGM) to select new leadership and also new exco to move PRIMU more further....I hope we can pull it together especially with new adviser...

Below are the result:

President: Hisham (Ex Vise president)
Vice President :Jamal (Ex exco logistic)
Secretary : Syira (Ex secretary)
Vice Secretary : Anis
Treasurer : Nurfarahin (Ex treasurer)
Exco:
1.Module : Aisyah (Ex Special Task Unit)
2.Activities : Asaqni
3.Logistic :Fadzli
4.Publicity :Ira
5.Public Relation : Melin (thats me)
6.Speacial Task Unit : Khai

Few of the result is shocking...but i accept that....and me...Public relation...unbelievable... i go back to PRIMU after Nurfarahin call me last monday...we talk more that half and hour...because of her...i realize something that i long forgot...and she made me understand...what the consequence when im gone... it just like...im the one help PRIMU to go down more deep...i dont want to do so...because of her and asaqni...i come back to primu. Unfortunately i didnt expect that coming...becoming one of the exco... but i cant decline it....coz all the candidates are not allowed....unless someone else suggest to decline us...I will try my best....i will need help from Last year exco to help me....since im new with this

Next...im the editor for sakura college...Gosh...im dying here...so many thing going on inmy life...can i survive this semester...im not sure....just pray for me...

A shoulder to cry on T-T

2010-08-16T17:25:00.001+08:00

Leaving PRIMU

2010-08-11T16:37:00.002+08:00

hai guys...what are u doing...hope u guys doing fine...this is 2nd entry for today....And...im crying right now....its hurt me a lot...previous entry...i told u guys that im leaving primu...

For those who didn't know...PRIMU is Pembimbing Rakan Intelek Mahasiswa Unimas...this club...guide us...apparently...it turn a problematic student...problem in term of behavior...but problematic in term of communication,problem solving,and etc....This club help me alot...i have emotion breakdown when im in highschool...i barely can talk to anybody to a stranger as before...and PRIMU bring myself back.....

Unfortunately....there are some attitude that hard to change...im easily to cry and furious....im really sensitive...thats y i cant read people mood swing...I did one mistake when im still new in PRIMU...that was exactly 2 years ago...in fasting month....we were conducting a program for the orphanage.....that moment...im was ordered or put under miss farah... we were in food and beverage department....things not going so smooth in our scope of job....since we need for donation in term of food and drinks....and its in large quantities....but Thank God we manage to pull it over...

Im kindda person that hate to waits and then i hate when people give me double and confusing instruction.... day before the event...our Project Manager promise to pick us up at 1 since we are not sure if got bus or not that moment....which surprisingly...got bus....i've waited until 1pm....thats freaking 1 hour...and its hot day...so i decided just to take a bus...and when im in the bus....he called me after i send him a text telling him im already in my bus on the way to the east campus...then he called me....why just dont wait...i said its okay....im in the bus already....when i arrive there...i wait for them to arrive...since im so mad...i drew his name on my book and just stab it with my pen....then im perfectly okay...

the next day...morning before the event (the event at late in the evening)...things just chaotic.....its very normal....then like on 4pm like that...my program manager ask me to join some of my friends to go fetch the orphanage... so i go inside to get my phone...before i reached the main door...then he said...dont go....he need me there...since im one the committee for food and beverage....need to set up the table...so i put my phone back in my bag pack and joint the others setting the table...then i get scold by the protocol unit cause what its not our task...its their task...plus...we do it wrongly.. so i refer to the project manager...he ask me to ask miss farah...so i go ask farah about it and i brought him to the table to show her..she just put everything upside down...coz she said its for the sake of spaces since the table was small...i just agree with her..since she is my leader and what she said was true.

Then i was pulled to the back by the protocol and get scolded again..she said...dunt just because farah his girlfriend, he need to jeopordize other work cause it can cause harm to their unit since VIP will be coming..i just smile but in my heart..im cursing.....

Then i get yelled by him(he was on the stage)...asking why im still there coz he want me to follow miss farah getting the food and the clock is ticking...Im just like...What the.....!!!So i kindda yelled back in the rude manner...he kindda stunned on the stage and then came down whispered something to farah...

Since that...my life turn upside down...but i still dunt really realized it...first year going perfectly...and then second year...things getting worse...where i just kindda lost it...i hate people when they play around to much...maybe its me...hard to amuse... i just dont want to talk much about this...its like opening my scar...

I hope...everything will be fine...its hard for me to let go...but its what i should do...for myself...i hope...things will be perfectly fine with them

Im fasting and Leaving PRIMU for Good

2010-08-11T13:43:00.001+08:00

Hi guys…how things doing?? I hope everything just fine…I would like to wish Happy Fasting to all the Muslim in the whole world…

Today is the first day of fasting month…and for me…still little hard…even ive been through it for almost 6 or 7 years…..Yeah right…im fasting too…and no..im not muslim…Its sound pretty weird huh…chinese girl fasting…hehe…actually the at the beginning(when im in high school) I only fasted for half day….which mean…I will eat before or after I went to school…It is because for some reason…first…the canteen are closed for whole month…second…its hard to sneak around with bottle of water and food that we brought from hope…My Muslim friends always said its okay with them if we just drink or eat in front of them….but as a friend…I respected them…so I decide…not to eat nor drink at school…it wont kill me…

Then my friend suggested…its not suggestion just a funny joke…that I follow them fasting…To their surprise I did…hehe…and year after year…it just become my routine…Its fun especially if u have the chance to break ur fast with closest friends…I like that moment…its not the food…but the situation…for those who just like me…u will understand….unfortunately this semester im going to break my fast alone every day…coz my closest friend are far away…hmm….never mind I guess…
Then today….im quite tired…because I had lab early in the morning and after went back to college…I just climb up and down the stairs to the office to settle some things down…im at second floor…so its made me tired….nearly break my fast early..LOLX….

Today also…I put down my PRIMU’s badge that I wear anywhere since I pin it to my Student ID card holder….. It is because…I’m not longer PRIMU…I decided to give up with PRIMU and get myself out of there….some quite numbers of reason…For the sake of myself and everyone…let just end it here…end it today….Now I pin the badge to the PRIMU’s shirt…and just left it hanging in my locker…Actually I felt so sad doing so….first I want to put it away…put it in the box…but surprisingly…I cant…my tears rolled down to my cheeks…I just cant do it…In fact im not ready to left yet….it just the situation getting out of my hand and critical….im just…can’t hold on much longer….sometimes I think im the one too sensitive…if one day…its reveal that what I thought for all this while which caused me to take wrong decision by leaving PRIMU….I will just accept it as my mistake….thats all I can do….

PRIMU had been part of my life…for 2 years now…i know u guys know how I felt….but I need to keep going and be strong….after all…I have new responsibility…I think it will get over it soon….I hope PRIMU will go futher….Good luck to the new batch that will lead PRIMU….God Bless

Nothing can be compare to parent's love

2010-08-09T10:33:00.000+08:00

P/S: THIS SHOULD BE YESTERDAY ENTRY BUN UNFORTUNATELY I DONT HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION SINCE MY JUNIOR USING IT WHOLE NIGHT...SO I POST IT TODAY

Hi my dearest reader…This is the second entry for today…I just felt I need to write 2nd entry….Well..while im on the bus this afternoon…I texted my mom and my dad to let know that im going out heading to town and im using bus that Unimas prepared to buy something especially printer’s ink.Normally I will call them..but its Sunday…and its near to fasting month…they will be busy at my dad groceries store....To some of you…this might sound weird since im 21 years old…but then I told them im going out will all the details…what time I will be back…what for im going back and how did I go….I dunt know…I just always like this…even though if I have any program that I need to go outside Unimas…I will still ask their permission…

They never rise us to be like this…need to tell them 24/7 what I do or where I went….but the way they rise us…all the hard work we need to face…all the problem we need to solve by our own (they will only guide and they always guide us secretly)…all the love given…it built our personality…I admit…sometimes im a trouble maker..but hey…im a teenager…I have my own thought, my own plans and my own way of life… Sure…highschool was the biggest obstacle they had raising me…I always argue with my mom…until my dad wave white flag…any chance…I will say no to whatever she said…and then…there when my life falling apart…I lost everything I had…and my parents...they always there for me…and never give up with me… At that moment…I realize..they love me so much…and so do i…it just…we dunno our own game…I take my time to learn how things work with them…Suprisingly…after they saw my efforts …they try to live in my world…listening more to what I need…and why I behave like that…they try to settle things down with me…there we learn…both party…me and my parents need to learn to give and take…and of course with boundries…its hard at first…since its their first time dealing with teenagers and it was first time for me to follow order from old people (hehehehe)…

Fortunately things turn perfectly fine…without realizing…we were giving and taking each day…they learn to trust me…and I learn to trust their plans…Now…any decisions…they will involve me and discussed with me as much as possible…they will ask my opinion..even on business and household management… and me…as the return…I let they to be part of my life…even about boys…Its like…im living their life to and they try to live or be part of my life…They also trust my decision that I made….
Life getting easier like this…unfortunately...they way to worry about me to be far from home…..mostly my safety…it torn my heart when I heard their worried voice over the phone each time…I try to convince them that I will be okay…I know how to take care myself…if anything happen…my friend sure will tell them (unless I said not to do so…hehehe..^_^).. I know its normal…for a parents worried about their children….it just…I afraid…it will affect their emotion and health…

To all parents in the world...thanks you for rising us to be a better person…You teach us a lot and give a lot of love to us….and my dearest mommies and daddies…if you children wasn’t like what do you want them to be …its not your fault neither ours…coz…we wrote our own destiny…what happened will happened no matter what…ONCE AGAIN…THANKS AGAIN FOR GIVING BIRTH TO US, RAISING US, LOVING US AND SPEND YOUR MONEY (HEHE ~_^)TO US…

Theres always an exciting stories when i went out

2010-08-09T10:31:00.001+08:00

P/S: THIS SHOULD BE YESTERDAY ENTRY BUN UNFORTUNATELY I DONT HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION SINCE MY JUNIOR USING IT WHOLE NIGHT...SO I POST IT TODAY

Hai guys…how are u doing….i hope everything will be just fine..and may God bless all of u my dearest reader…Today I went out…Its not my plan earlier to go out today….in fact I never like to go out on Sunday since for me Sunday is the day to rest after 5 days less sleep and rest.. Today was exception since my friend Edna asking my help to get her phone which she sent for repair 2 weeks ago…the guy from the phone repairs shop called her last Friday. Unfortunately she having a program for the weekend which unable her to go anywhere since she was needed 24 hours there for the weekend…

Then..i catch a taxi to bring me to the Seberkas…I know I can use a bus…but I want to save my time..since I know….Seberkas ares…its way to hard to get a bus to bring me back to the Riverside…I ask the taxi to wait for half hour since after getting my friend’s phone…I need to search the ink for my printer…Well…its just took me 20 minutes…After reached Riverside…I walk and spend my time there lingering around…Even though it was sale….but I don’t think I need anything else beside in my to-buy-list…for the first time…im following everything in the list I made…nothing less nothing more…but seriously…i already spent RM280…..

I just lingering around…from shop to shop just to wait until 5 pm…since the bus will pick us up at 5 pm sharp… but at 4 pm…I really dunno what to do anymore…so I just went to the bus stop and wait there…Well when im there…I heard a lot of things…well..its not my fault…we are in the open space…its so funny…first…there are one couple…I guess they were husband and wife..cause I saw rings at both their finger….their arguing about something.Im not sure what its all about…at the end…the husband turn his body around totally apposite from facing his wife at first…I think he start to sulk.Then the women kindda try to talk and poking his wrist….no respond…then I can unbelievable what come out from her mouth after that…its kindda loud…I think everyone there can hear it…she treat him that he will sleep on the couch tonight and won’t get SEX. What the f**k!!!! I chocked myself with the water I drank….Its unbelievable…. And she seem didn’t realize what she just said and did…The husband then quickly turn around facing her…put his hand together…like begging or something…It just…im speechless… For sure..i could see the old lady sat beside me stare them and she look like want to kill the couple…LOLX

Next couple…urghh…this one…me myself want to kill….i dunno who are they and how they look since they were standing behind the thin wall besides me….They were talking about sex position that they want to try…all the giggles… urgh…I think today is CELEBRATION OF SEX. Kindda annoying….Its okay if want to talk about sex…just please make sure there are nobody around you…this kind of stuff is a secret…ur personal life…dunt let whole world know…we are asian… and plus…u guys are Malays…respect yourself, respect your own religion and of course your own people… Its too much for me to hear today…

Next..there are bunch of guys…im not sure earlier who are they…but after 3 city buses passing by and they didn’t took it…I know they are student…just dunno which universities and college…They might be Unimas student, Uitm student, ICATS and much more..than at 4:30 ICATS’ bus came…so all ICATS student approach the bus. Suddently one of the guy…..”WHY THE HELL THEIR BUS ARRIVE ALREADY…WHERE ARE OUR BUS!!” saying loudly until the ICATS student who approaching the bus at the end road turn around the see who said that….Well I don’t really care about it…then Unimas’ bus coming…I can see a few people that I familiar are Unimas get ready to approach the bus…Suprisingly…the guy and his friend…were UNIMAS STUDENTS!!! First thing first that come out from my mind…”WHAT THE HELL R U DOING JUST NOW!! YOU KNOW UNIMAS’ BUS ARRIVE AT 5PM…WHY THE HELL YOU ATTRACT ATTENTION LIKE THAT…AND GREAT!!!! EVERYONE KNOW ITS UNIMAS STUDENT!! F**K” Then surprise me…the guy said…again as loudly as earlier…”SEE WE ALSO HAVE BUS!!”

At that moment…serious ly…if he walking near me…im sure will hit his head will the shower cream that I buy…its sure damn heavy…Unfortunately he like 4 metres ahead me…I felt so ashamed since everyone looking…enough is enough…I heard a lot about Unimas student from taxi driver, bus driver and even random people I met…

Lonely

2010-08-07T13:44:00.002+08:00

Hai guys....what up?? i hope everything just perfectly amazing....Hmm...my life...i cant say it perfectly amazing...but my life since four weeks starting new sem wa amazing...I admit...there are alot of responsibility that i have to carry on this semester...but its ok with me...because all this activity and responsibility make my life great here....

Unfortunately...sometime i feel lonely... I know my behavior are not the best...i always irritated people...from the way i treat people...i talk...i just...i cant be hypocrite anymore...i want people to know me and like me because who i am....and im also glad if the furious and hate me because of who i am...I know nobody is perfect in this world....I realize...i dont have any clique here...as i used to have when im in high school... its not a big deal actually...but still...i want to have one again...

First year....everything kindda perfect...but then i realize...i kindda become a puppet to some people...maybe they dont realize it...but i seriously dont like it...so step out from my shell..and show them who really i am...i realize they stopped doing it..but the consequence...all the opportunity that i should have...was taken away from me....it make me cries...now...i dont care...at some point...i will leave them...

Life without a boyfriend...i alrasy get used to it already...but sometimes...i still feel i need someone...to hold me tight when i fall...i need someone to listen to me carefully when im sad...someone who will weep my tears aways when im craying...because...all this i cant do it with my family...i dont want they to worry about me....enough for them to worry about me studying here alone...without any family....

Someone told me...we wont be happy if we always seeking for the meaning of happiness...instead...enjoy every moment of your life...then u will be happy and understand whatis happiness mean....Till next time...bye..God bless u

Hair

2010-08-06T14:42:00.001+08:00

Hi guys…how you guys doing…Its been a while since last post…I hope everything will just fine…Im just busy with all my assignment and classes…That’s y I haven’t post anything since 2 weeks ago….well..Im feeling so hot now…not the weather bothering me…but my hair…my hair is freaking long….i just can be a ghost…actually my plan before was to cut it when I reached home…Unfortunately as u guys already know…about my grandma and grandpa.I don’t have time to cut my hair…and until they were passed away.

In our culture…we were not allowed to cut our hair,wearing make up and even perfume(but my mom said its okay if im here since I cant live without it) for 100 days after death of any family member.i don’t know why…I guess u guys can google it to find out why….so I can do nothing for now…I need to wait until 27 September before I can cut my hair…I wonder…when that time…how long my hair will be…hum…cause right now my hair reach my waist already….i like to just let go my hair but when my hair this long….its seems impossible…

This is the second time I have hairs this long….first time was when im high school…but at that moment…I don’t really care about how I look…and I always tied up my hair….nobody ever saw me let go my hair except my family that time….Since I don’t really care how I look…that’s why I never bother how long my hair was….and how bad its look….i have straight hair since I was a kid….until high school….and I love it a lot…easy to manage…then before going to college…I decided to cut my hair short…just slightly enough to tie up. It is because easy for me manage it because…long hair = nearly 20 minute washing ur hair…hehehe….

I always heard people said…don’t ever cut ur hair drasticly short if u had a very long hair for a while…for some unknown reason…your hair will damage…split end, become more unmanageable and frizzy hair….i never believe it…until…I felt it myself…my hair was hard to manage…its frizzy and dried…I dunno why the hell its happen.Then I ask my new bestfriend that time…apparently she facing the same situation.

Now im at the university…its taking a lot of efford and money to get my old hair back…..then I gave up so I just straighten it away…and im loving it….but recently my friends and even my angels suggested if I get a curl…and cut my front hair (which I never let it short since im high school)…I don’t know if it is suitable…it just like suicide to me…because I did see the curl disaster in my class..Some of then, just perfectly match with them…others…uhhhh…..i don’t know what to say…hehehe…
This semester im thinking to get new hair cut and looks…its time for second try change…..but I don’t have the gut to do it…please someone give an advise….i would appreciate it…

Have new responsibility

2010-07-20T23:47:00.002+08:00

Hi guys...todays been a very long and tiring day...but its normal as a student.Yesterday i got unexpected message from unknown number.She ask weather i am Melin or not...she said that i got the job that i apply last semester...to be a writer for college bulletin. I'm shocked...i thought i dont get it since to news since few months ago.She said it was confirmed and she had send my name to the College's Principal for confirmation of my status...Seriusly im happy but im shocked...

I already get used to this since i was high school..but...it just...its been a few year since i stopped to write.Well blogging all i have for now...I dont have enough time...since one short story i need approx 3 hour...and novels...i need months...research some more...i just dont have the time...or should i say...i actually dont have the passion in writing anymore...maybe time changing...

I had been given first assignment...that was tomorrow night event...First event for the new semester....A night with Junior and Senior...i need to write documentation bout it.....Well...i just check Sakura Website...im just devastated...last entry was February, 15...

Then, at some point im worried that i cant do my job...so many things going on my life now...im so afraid that i cant fulfill my duty.Please pray for me that i can do all my responsibility...See u next time...take care

old = beautiful

2010-07-17T01:13:00.002+08:00

Hi guys....how are u doing...erm...now 1:14 am...i suppose in bed right now...but unfortunately...i cant sleep...i dont know why.... Erm...old equal to beautiful....dont u think its weird...okay i dont say above 80 old...i mean 40 above old...

Its get me thinking recently...its really good doesnt it....ok...try google Kimora Lee Simmons, Brad Pit, Angelina Jolie, David Beckham and who ever superstar u like when they were younger...Im not saying they are ugly when they were young...it just...they not pretty or good looking as they are now...and i can say they look weird when they were much younger... I admirer their look now...so beautiful...handsome...good looking...

I was thinking...will i be like them when im older....i mean become more beautiful...i really hoping that i will...hehehe....its funny...but i think everyone want to do the same...want to look beautiful always...even they were older...dont you??? Yes u are!!!

One more thing...i just realize...past few months...my traffic rate...which i mean my blog visitor getting higher...just yesterday...i have 45 visitor...and they from around the world...im so bless and happy...Im happy because people reading my blog...Thank you guys....and I LOVE YOU ALL

Behavior

2010-07-14T09:48:00.000+08:00

Hi guys....Recently…I keep thinking about human behavior..Human is really unique…Unfortunately my term of unique is WEIRD!!!! I just don’t know…maybe some of u might have a same thought or maybe saying... “This bitch crazy or what…she a human being also…”…And as usual….what the hell I care…you can say whatever you want…I will be ok with it…I guess….Urghhh….im so hypocrite…I cant help it…..

Back to the topic please!!..hehe..well why I said human is unique…Urghhh just said weird… I really don’t understand why a decent girl (once) wanna become a slut..yeah…let me spell it to you…S.L.U.T…SLUT…I know it’s a harsh word…but that’s the only word that I can think of….Well…I know a girl…her look very decent…and in fact she was….but I really don’t know what happen to her…until she just turn to slut and bitch….Well…to be honest…I know she still decent because in front of me and others…she speak nicely with lower tone and smile sweetly oftenly…but when she with her girlfriends…she become whole new person…cursing is her language….dirty words is her grammar…and sexual body language is her attitude… I really cant understand…what the hell happen..which is the true her now…a sweet young girl or…slut….

Seriusly im confused with her….but I dunno how to advise her….Actually I pity her parents since she is the only daughter….Her dad is very influence people in business and her mom is church person…but then…their only daughter…their only hope….
Can someone explain to me why this happen…is her seek for attention??

Speak about attention….another one behavior that I really don’t like and sadly I confess..sometime I do it without I realize….What I mean is the behavior of people that do weird or loud sound with attention to attract people attention to her or him…Urgh…why cant we just become invisible…isn’t that easier….

I guess its nature human want some attention…but to me…yes it works but it will annoy people also…believe me…I’ve been with this kind of person for 1 whole semester…and look like im gonna spend whole semester with her again….Urgh….its like hell….

New Semester started

2010-07-12T13:42:00.002+08:00

Today is the first day for new semester...I cant believed it...im third year...Gosh i never think about it...well...i thought once long time ago...i cant make it..but im wrong...i just need to work harder to prove to my family and my friends that i can do it...Civil engineering really not easy..but like it or not...i have to do my best....

Today class suppose to start at 8 am...so i woke up 6:30 and get myself ready by 7:30 since my class will be at Central Teaching Facilities 2 which is take about 15-20 minutes by foot...its really a long walk...but i even lazy to wait for bus and go there...Its ok i guess..morning exercise..hehe...Unfortunately half hour of waiting just went to waste because the lecturer last minute cancelling the class and change it to 12 pm....Im disappointed since it is kindda hot and it is a long walk...but then i just went to the faculty and copy a schedule from first year and second year student since im going to repeat some papers..Its really chaotic in the office...Everyone with their on business at the counter. Fortunately i get through and manage to register a subject that has a limited place...thats good for me...Well im going to apply extra credit hour which need me to ask approve and permission...which it has not finish and settle until now since the person in charge is hard to find...i cant find her anywhere...i guess im going to try my luck again after this...

I just hope for this semester...i can do it...

New Update - Lifes never get easier

2010-07-11T04:28:00.003+08:00

Hi guys...its really been a very long time since my last update...It just thing went so damn crazy this few month...Im so sorry for not updating my blog...It just myself break apart. I need times to put it together and live my life as usual.

Actually....this semester break..i lost 2 person that i love most in the world...My grandparents(my dad's mom and my mom's dad)....Since the holiday started and in fact since i arrive hometown from the airport... i've been spending my time taking good care of my grandma...im tired and i felt horrible but for the sake of my grandma and my grandpa, i force myself. They took good care of me once when im little girl...and now...its my time to pay them.

My grandma passed away 12 may 2010..sharp 6:40 pm...if u realize..it just few hour after my last update...that time she was sleeping....and i felt tired...in order to make sure i stayed awake i went to online and updating some post...Who ever knew...just few hours...everything get chaotic...Its hard to imagine...

Then just 38 days after my grandma passed away...my grandpa passed away...on 18 june 2010 sharp on 6:45 pm....and...IT IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! God....my heart break when i saw 18 june written in my grandpa death cert' as his DOD.Swear to God...i wont celebrating that day anymore...

My life never be easy...but lost 2 people that i love...in just short time...im going to be crazy...New semester will start tomorrow...I hope there is light that will guide me...and there is hand will hold me tight and wont let it go no matter what...I just need it...now...is easy for me to fall apart...

new update

2010-05-12T16:30:00.002+08:00

My life really in chaos this few week since 2 of my family members are sick.but i would like to tell you guys about other things...about what hapen to my life now...i dont want to talk about my family members whom are sick or i will cry all night long again...

two weeks ago...the night after my paper finshed..i have a huge fight with my boyfriend...after past 2 year i been friend with him and lastly becoming his official girlfriend...i never felt that devastated and angry even though we do argue a lot....this is because of his stupid decision for not telling me what is his job...

He and i are same age...both of us born 1989....first time i have boyfriend same age with me...When we first know each other, i know he didn't continue his study he just finished form 5.. and he just stay at home with no job...but i didnt judge him and i dont really care...then after 1 year and half he proposed me to be his girlfriend...at first i said no..i told him...im not beautiful and im fat...didnt he felt ashamed with my experience...that he answer me with a question...do you like me? and honestly i did love him that moment...than he ask me...

"why you love me since , dont have a handsome look, my education is just until form 5 and lastly i dunt have permanent job"

He really locked my mouth with that questioned...Then i slowly answered i guess all is matter is our personality and our heart...Kindda weird at first...from friend to lover...but after for few months we broke up because im too busy with my study...he really heart broken but he understand...And now we coming back together...for 2 months now...Last 2 week we have a huge fight...he did realize he hurt me so much since i said...i look stupid and bad girlfriend for not knowing my own boyfriend job...he said he ashamed and afraid i would be ashamed to have him as my boyfriend. I told him...i love him because of how he treat me and how he acct when around me...not bacouse of his money or look or what so ever..i hung up on his call...after 2 hours i raceived a message from him..he apologize and lastly telling me what is his job really is.

Actually he work as a waiter in a restaurant in one of the hotel in tourism area at Malacca. I didnt reply because i still felt so sad for what he had done...until next day i apologize for my attitude and i told him i love him...since then...we just fine and i can felt we really deeply in love and happy to be each other...we havent fight for 2 weeks straight...i thing this is the longest period we in peace and good relationship...normally we always argue once a week...Since the big fight between us he promised me no more secret between us...and i just believe him even i doubt that since he said he want to mysterious man when we first met and even now often.

Im so happy now and he always contact me everyday though wee was so busy with his job just to make sure im alright and keep going strong from day to day since my grandma(my dad's mom) and my grandpa (my mom's dad) is sick and cannot move at all...im really sad but every single his message and attention to me really make me happy...

Im gonna be at home in few hour....

2010-04-29T10:27:00.002+08:00

Currently im sittig at KFC Kuching International Airport...Wasting my time online after finished having my brunch (breakfast + lunch)....my flight will be at 12:25 pm and now only 10:30 am...its like 2 hours more to go..it not my fault to come hear early...i asked for a cab at 9:30 so a can arrive airport approx 10 am...instead my cab arrive at 9:05 am...what the f***.....but i have no choice..and i arrived airport approx 9:30.thanks god i already ready my things and myself...and now...this two hours...what im gonna do....hmm...

By the way....all this hliday time...i think i wont be able to blogging since i have so many thinks that i have to do...i have no other choice that abandon my blog for a while..but i will try my best to write some updates...thats it for now...i will keep updating u guy...bye....love you

Racist?? Am I?

2010-04-26T02:57:00.000+08:00

P/S:BEFORE I STARTED...I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE...WHAT I SAID MIGHT HURT YOUR FEELING...BUT THIS IS JUST A THOUGHT....IM SO SORRY...SINCERELY

Hai guys...how are u guys doing...For whom that already graduated matriculation i wanna say congratulation and i hope u guys could enter the university that u guys choose....

I just finish watching hindi movie..."My name is khan"...Im shocked because the file that i download quite large than what i normally downloaded... but i guess the quality is good thats y the file's size kindda large...but then it is actually 2 hour and half movie...Gosh...i never wash a single movie that long...but that what i got...need to realease some steam...And God...i cried almost whole time...the story really overwhelming... They story basis on Muslim...but what i get from the movie...THere are only 2 kind of people...bad people and good people...THere are no kindda muslim, christian, Jewish Buddha and so on...Everyone just the same...

Im open minded person and i really dunt mind to be friend to anybody and even my boyfriend is a muslim...but its normal....im just ordinary human...so of course i have my own thought that different from other...and so are u guy... So i cant help it when sometime im cursing some race...not that im racist but it is general...because of one person,everyone also included...but thats just on spot feeling which will just go away after few days...

Recently racism that i have done...which just gone after few hours....regarding a chaos that happened in our mainland...I forgot which state....chaos between muslim and christian...certain Muslim people claiming Christian stole their sacred book...The Bible...When my mom told me...i laugh so hard....my mom asked why u laugh...this is serious....and i still remember what i said...

" The Muslim so stupid...why i say so mummy? because this stealing thingy happened ...what...thousand year...million year?? i also lost in count of history...While at high school...we learned about this stealing thingy also...Over soooo i mean sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many year and decade...they claiming back??? What the hell...this thing happened between our ancestor...what had happened...HAD HAPPENED!! it is a past...Cant they think about that??!! Christian and Muslim and even Buddha or other relegion in the world....it just the same...Still asking as to do good....the regulation just the same...accept we are not allowed married 4 girls as malays!!"

My mom laugh for the last part...Seriusly....i love muslim...im not lying...all my four bestfriend...IKA, ANNA, SABA AND FAIZ...all are muslim...why are we teenegers....still can loving each other and respect each other even we are young...and for the elders...why u didnt just do the same...we are the same...our blood still red...Sometimes it funny....especially for the lover who are from different background and religions...they facing so many difficulties...but I proud with some couple...who dont care all about that...as long they love and care about each other...Just like my fried...JOhnny and err...forgot his spouse name...hehe... THey married for 5 years now...they come from different background and also grow up with different religons...they had faced a lot...and sometime they felt they want to give up but because of the love that grow stronger each day....they succeded... and even they are married...they still with their own religion. Muslim and Roman Catholic Christian..how? i dunno....i did ask...but i really dunt understand....especially the law part...and religion...is that possible? u guys tell me...and they now have 4 kids...3 boys and 1 girl( twins and 2 boys)...there fifth upcoming...anyway...im hoping they will be happy forever....May God bless them

im dilemma

2010-04-24T23:15:00.002+08:00

okay...i just got a call from my friend...he really sound terrible...well...my friend have a dance group...they dance all type of dance....and when they first form a group...they just started with 2 person...they are couple...my friend roland and his girlfren michelle.... and they year by year their group expand...now they have more than 10 members...where 10 members are fully committed including roaland and michelle and other 6 only come or join them for fun and when needed or we called them backup dancer...

So...he called me...and told me he broke up with michelle because michelle having an affair with other guy in the the group(backup dancer)...so because of the fight and the arguments...michelle and that guy left the group...simply ended their dance career.... So the problem now...they have competition with their o 1 enemy in 2 months...regarding their group pride...who is the best....kidda stupid i think...but hey what should i say right...

So after michelle and rizal(michelle's affair) left...the group just falling appart since michelle is their choreographer and lead dancer and make up artist... WOW... so roland ask my help....and i screaming on the top of my lung...yelling at him after he throw the question or more to the request....at that moment...i felt i wanna kick his a**... HE ASK ME TO BECOME ONE OF HIS DANCER AND HELP HIM CHOREOGRAPH!!! He said he saw me how passion i am and how i love to dance....Is he blind or what... I havent dance like what 13 year??? and my body now?? he try to make a point by pointing to his dancer maya who just chubby as i am but she still can dance perfectly....So my mouth locked for that time....

He give me time until next week...that just day after tomorrow...so guys....what do you think? shoul i or shouldnt i?? at this moment...i think no....but if u think i should...give me reason why...coz i can ended up humiliating myself

fever and my face swollen

2010-04-14T13:02:00.003+08:00

Its been a very long time since my last entry...things just dunt really good here....exam is a round the corner....its really stress me up...and less then an hour...i have geotechnical engineering midterm test. For 3 days straight i studied geotechnical and im dizzy already....but for this 3 days i only studied partial....just get ready for the midterm test...

My rumate really cant shut her mouth...she always making sound and its very annoying...and what make it worse when she like screaming and singing along following the song that she heard and on the same time, dancing!!!! argh!!! i could not take it anymore...i need a quite sound...i can take it if she talking with other housemate or laughing hysterically but singing, screaming, whinny, dancing at my back and always make chocking sound when she can answer the questions....its drive me crazy!!!!!... i prefer to study late at night...when everyone is sleeping....and on day time...i prefer to sleep...yeah my sleep is disturbed...but much better that my studies are disturbed...but the consequences... i have a fever...my body temperature so high until my gum and my face swollen....and while im sleeping i need to put wet towel on my face to reduces the heat...

Its really disturbing..but what could i do....i guess i need to sacrifice a bit...i need to ensure my pointer rise this semester.... I felt weird myself...i never study like this crazy...im forcing myself without i realize until my sister told me to stop doing it...maybe the pressure....hmmm

unfair life

2010-04-05T16:22:00.003+08:00

This few weeks really a crazy week....sometimes i felt i barely can breath.... Just now...i received an mms from my bestfriend in high school.it was a picture that her younger sister and friend taken in the hospital with our former English teacher. Few months ago, he was attacked by stroke and now in recovery session....It really break my heart... He was very strict teaher but he have a very loving, warm and kind heart... He love all his student...he advise us a lot....he like our second father... He getting better...but he never the same teacher that we use to know....

My bestfriend told me, last school holiday, my teacher ask his wife to bring him to the school...having some tour there....and then he just sit on the stage at the gathering hall, just looking at the empty space....Its break both of our heart when listening to my friend's sister story.... i know he really dedicate to his work...he spend most of his life at the school...and now....he only can do just watch it from far and hear it from his student and wife.... Life is unfair.....he such a good person but why he get such an illness....

Both of us really want to see him but at the same time...we dont want to go....because...we dont want him to see us crying... we cry just listening and see his picture...what if we go stand in front of him...im sure...we will become weak and crying....we dont want him to see us like that....i want to look strong in front of him...and give him strength to go on with his life....

Today is his birthday....i really wish i was there to celebrate with him....He is the light in my life.... when i was in the dark....when i was searching in the dark....he give me his hand and guide me to the light...guide me to the right road....and now?? I know....every each of his student would pray for him each day....i just wondering...if only we could do more for him and sacrifice something like he use to do.....

Miss my little angel

2010-04-03T03:32:00.002+08:00

Hai guys...as far you know i have two little angel...i miss them but i had another angel that i missed the most....I never have a chance to see or known him... i lost him before i even know he exist. Few years ago...my mom was pregnant the forth child.... unfortunately, we dunno about it and even mom didnt know...its like just 2 month....

At that time...our family have a problem... my mom was sick that time and 3 of us sisters in our room sleeping... We don't know that our father was not home that night.... The next day after i woke up, my mom complaining...she having a serious bleeding during PMS and its really hurt....Things just gone crazy whole day with my mom really look sick and i need to take over with house cores and also with my both sister...we didnt know later early in the morning....before sunrise, my father brought my mom to the hospital since she really week during the bleeding which doest seem normal for PMS....

That day...my mom just silence herself...even my father look different....there is guilt in his face and things just gone very wrong ever since....Until one day....my aunt accidently spilled the things out while she was talking to my grandmother...maybe she didn't realize i was there....my grandmother was shocked and my aunt speechless...i left them and i try to put the event together....after im sure...i went and ask my aunt...at first she refuse to tell me...but i insist and i wont leave unless she told me the truth....

The truth..... The night before....my mom was sick....i didn't know dad my dad was not home and in fact nobody know where he is that night....That night my mom went to the toilet....and last thing she know...next morning she wake up on the toilet floor...she thought she fall asleep when she went to the toilet... That morning all the bleeding started...She thought she having her PMS (like she told me)....but the blood wont stop....until that night my dad come home....my mom condition really weak...at first she refuse to go to the hospital until early in the morning, her condition getting worse....so my dad force her to go to the hospital...there, the doctor confirm she had miscarriage and they need to clean her up or she could die since the baby still inside....

After that long....i know what happen....that time...my heart crushed...i know how much i want another sibling, so do both my sister who keep asking for a baby like everyday.... that time...i really hate my dad...thats why i never talk to him really much except after i was accepted to unimas.....my mom dunt have a clue that i know about the baby... i cried for few days....all that happened just because some stupid mistake that my dad did which now i know now that wasnt because him alone like i used to think....

That time...for the history class ( form 2)...our teacher ask us to write an essay about my family...Using the assignment....i write everything about the miscarrige....once i finished it....i submit it quietly without showing it to my mom and my friend as i use to do...after i get it back....i kept it locked in the bookshelf...

After 4 years When i was in matriculation....i ask my sister (2nd child) to open the shelf and read my assignment....after an hour...as i expected she called me and cried.... i explain to her.. thats why that assignment is the only assignment that i never let them read it and i didnt let them near to me when i write it down.... It hard to explain...since every they ask me when they can have new siblings to play with.... i dont want to break their heart...i just need to wait for them to be mature enough....it is hard time to tell her about the baby....it just break our heart....i ask her to keep it for another year before we break the news to our lilttle sister....

When the time come.....she didnt cry....we just glad...we thought she dont mind since she told us she love to be the youngest.. until one day.....we just talking to adopt a baby while having dinner together. The reason we gave to my mom was, when i leave for school....she would still have 3 childs in that house..Beside that my parent want to help one family who cannot afford to rise their newborn baby...And so sudden my younger sister said seriously and looking to my eyes... " I had another siblings....even though he is not here that enough for me that we know we had him....i only can give my love to one person and for my own blood. Nobody could share the love that i have for him "

All of us speechless... I went to the bedroom and cried....My youngest sister who i thought very stubborn and dont have a feeling about the lost.... just like us...remembering our lilttle brother that we never known and missing him every each day....

Its been nearly 7 years since the lost....yet we still remember him and we really miss him...if only we have a chance to see him once...just once would be enough..... In every moment....in every special moment....we always wish that he also have a chance to know that how much his 3 big sisters love him and miss him....

'Gift'

2010-04-03T01:16:00.002+08:00

Hai...its been a long time since my last update...It just now it getting crazy since final exam is around the corner so the final assignment just flow like overflow river after heavy rain.... Plus...so many things bothering me....

It just start 3 years ago....It been a long time and i still have some adjustment to do....When i was young until im reach 17....my life just perfectly normal...just like normal teenagers....stubborn, searching for identity, searching for more attention and love and want to live on my own way without nobody telling me what i should and shouldnt do....a very normal teenagers... All that 17 years, i know i need to compete with my little sisters....for my parents attention since the my sisters, the 2nd child... she have a special gift....its not really that special....but that gift save all my family life....she have a very strong instinct (i guess)... she can felt if there will something bad going to happen....it just she dunno what, to whom or when it will happen since she was 5 years old...at first we done believe....but since the robbery at my father's shop...i tried to figure out....

That night...she dunt want to sleep...my mom and my dad tried everything and i can heard she cried from my aunt room which is just two doors away... She usually easy to fall asleep...just give her the towel that she love to cuddle while sleeping, in just second...she will sleeping....Differently that night....my dad tried everything...my mom ask for my help is i can sing a lullaby for her like i used to do when she just a baby....but it doest work....she keep pointing at the door...when we ask....she dunt want to said anything....when my mom and my dad step out the door she screaming.... my sister look at me and like to tell us something.... but then....she stop crying...its already 6 am....i went for sleep....next thing i know...my aunt wake me up...tell me my father shop which is just downstair was robbed... surprisingly.... the theft tried to break the door that was locked to go upstairs...somehow...something stop him or them....I sat there and try to figure it out...We lost more that RM 3000...Thanks God the attempt to break through to upstair where we live was failed or God know what could happen to us....

Its took me 8 years to figure after i strongly thought i have something going on....and lastly one day, i ask her if she remember the night of the robbery....her face change but calmly ask why i ask.... I said...you felt it...something gonna happen...maybe chestpain.... fast heartbeat...and sweating for no reason like you really afraid and run for your life.... She was really shocked...she look at me silently....i nodded....i think i have it now....i started to have all this things after i start my study at matriculation..... thats when i figure out about what happen that night and why my parent said she special.... .she said...all that 15 years....she tried to hold her feeling to herself...but its hard....no wonder i caught her crying by herself few time....it is because she dunno how to tell or describe.... She said....now she just think it is a gift...Thats why i understand why she was so mature....different from me...

My 'gift'..... its growing....i didt tell anybody even Faiz who already know about this....and even my sister.... I dream often now (i never dream before...my first dream was when i was 10 years old...bout my result...its come true and that is until i turn 18)....im dreaming things thats gonna happen...something i dream directly about it and sometimes i need to analysis what thats all about...the bad things is....if i was dreaming....i cant be touched or wake up or i'll lost it or forget it....so its always happen and i just realize i did dreamed about it after it was a reality.... All the feeling getting worse when i had them... Its really bothering....sometimes i cried.....sometimes i could not sleep....

I did told my sister....if was given a chance to choose either the gift or normal and bullied teenagers life....i rather get bully....like i was in primary school....

why i get the fine?

2010-04-02T14:11:00.002+08:00

Why i get the fine and asked to return the books?? someone please explain since the due is in 10 days???...

caught red handed

2010-03-24T18:36:00.002+08:00

hai guys....weird title....caught red-handed...happen to me today....i dunno if i use the correct term... Well...after a long night try to complete my lab report.....which i need to submit in this week....i fall asleep...as i woke up this afternoon...my throat sore and my coughing getting worse...and my body's temperature slightly rise...i know im going to get trouble...i have a fever.. later this evening my dad call..at first i dunt want to answer cause i dunt want he to know im not feeling well...after the third time i answered...i guess it something important.... As suspected...he ask me to search some receipt that i kept..and scan it than email it to my sis....whole conversation i just said ok ok and ok...hahaha....then he call 2nd time to ask if i found what he ask...then when i start talking....he said...as i thought...u are sick...no wonder u didnt speak much and hardly called home...erk.....

He start to worried since final is around to corner....with my condition...i just silent and hear what he had to say....hahaha....now...he demand that i called home once in 3 days....no more let i do what have i to do here and called only im free...yaiks....hahaha....im sure...he just said that...he wont do really want me to call once in 3 days...hahaha....

Why is it parents always worried...it just normal fever...its normal if we get sick especially when we dunt have enough rest....now im 20...soon is 21...they need to trust me...and less worry...Especially my mom....if she know im sick or im not happy here...shee wont have the appetite to eat...she cant sleep...and she will worry all the time...

Oh mom...i love you but u need to understand....life as a student is not easy and life a teeneger is worse....here i tried to be as normal as other kid....Enough with the nightmares that i had when i was in primary and secondary school.....here i know how its like to be independent...to fail, to work with totally stranger no more easy access to anywhere as i used to have and i started from zero to get where im here now.....its not easy...but this is what i want...and this is why i want to get out from sabah.... life full with attention is really bothering me....here...i was noticed because who i am...not who are my family.....even though i dunt have anyone here...i can survive... Trust your daughter to live my life here....love you guys...

i live my life for you by firehouse

2010-03-23T20:09:00.003+08:00

this song really meaningful and i would like to dedicate to all the couple in the world and may God bless your relationship...but remember...no matter how much we love our boyfriend/ girlfriend... remember....live you relationship the way it should be according your religion and the society norm...

p/s: dear....i love you

my new world to live

2010-03-23T19:23:00.003+08:00

Hai guys.... well people that added me as their friend in the facebook might know whats going on now... Yeah....for i dunno how many times... i fall in love again...If u guys still remeber about Prince...i talk about him in entry title happy?? And actually not so many people know about this....5 month ago that is after 2 month i couple with prince...and that time a week before final exam...i broke up with him... It just hard for me to continue.... First...that time i thought i still cant get over my first love, man...2nd im so busy so i hardly call him and texting him but he always text me and ask am i ok...coz he so concern so i really felt guilty...and third...i dunt know either i love him...Well as i always said...love really confusing...

He was shocked my decision and he was really sad until he hung up and said he need to rest and ask me to give him time to process the all thing....im glad its over but im wondering how he was doing at time... we lost contact like for month....he didnt reply any my text....until 4 month ago...he contact me. He said he was sorry for his disappearance...he told me things just get very chaos.....but in this 4 month...things really different...he is no longer the man that i used to know...sometimes he is okay sometimes he just different and he refuse to call me or let me call him... well....its really bother me but i just silent.... until a like 3 weeks ago he went missing again..for almost 2 weeks... but i desperate to have his attention... so i text him a stupid question that my friend ask me to solve regarding her love problem... " what should i do when my ex want to come back to me?"

The next day he replied me....he said.... my love for you never die, i would love to have u back in my life...Im shocked...i ask him what he trying to say....he said...he know my question regarding my friend...but that was his less concern... he want to know if he could come back to me...he said...for all 5 months we parted...he suffer enough...he cant hold on anymore... im really shocked...and i cried...that was the sweetest thing he ever text to me....he not a romantic kind of guy and he did admit...he also hate the lovey dovey thingy...and yet....he can write such a beautiful words that i keep waiting all this years knowing him....and yeah...I SAID YES....he was so happy...he called me and i can hear his voice full of joy....

2 days later....he called me at night...he said he really grateful to have me back in his life....he sing a few song for me through the phone....most of them my favorite song.... i cried full of joy silently...i dunt want he knows that since he really love to make fun of me (really dunno y? when i ask why, he said...i sound cute when i was angry or sulking...jezz)...he sing for me with different song...i think for 40 minutes until his throat sore. i ask him to stop and sing for me next time or he will lost his voice...that moment really sweet...I told my friend... i think i fall in love for the 2nd time with the same guy and my friend just laugh at me... This time..i would appreciate him...i dunt want to lost someone i love anymore...

p/s: Dear...i love you so much and thanks for the sweet poem and song that u sing...

Lets blogging

2010-03-22T09:51:00.002+08:00

hai guys...just come back from lab....now need to do some lab report which is last week's lab....but before that i would like to update this blog since it already a while....I realize in one year....my entry is less than 100...so this year i would like to archive at least 100 entries per yer which like impossible...hahahaha....

Than i also realize...there a re a lot of my friends already open a blog for themselve... well few months or years back...blog not really famous....it just like recently the blog become famous... Whatever the purpose u guys open or create a blog...i wish happy blogging....Unfortunately..there were some of my friends also close their blog...and i dunno why.....they just answered me, it is because some personal matter....i guess maybe they were criticize by some individuals about what they wrote in the blog...

Like myself...i did receive criticize from peoples.... but i dunt care...as i know...its my blog...its up to me what i want to put or write....Its all happen because of the entries that full of hatred....as far my concern...that thing wont happen if you really act supposedly...All the people that i comment that i cursed in this blog..they older than me...they claimed that they sacrifices so many things and they more experienced...how about us?? do you think we didnt sacrifice our time...do you think it is because for the credit hour....well...one year ago..hell no.....but now...it seem meaningless...i try to find the joy that i had year ago....friendship that i seek and the friendly environment is not there anymore....its gone along with the last batch.....and experience....yeah maybe some of us lack of it...but it doesnt mean we no need to have the chance to try and learn.... they always given the chance to the same people as matter of fact....

We cant make people to like us all the time and im fully aware about it...From what ive learn at school and matriculation...its really hard...but we can always cope and success by trying to do the best....if they really professional....between them...they will solve it...not critize me instead in the meeting in front of all....i remember that time...i try to hold my laugh and smile......they care about their reputation or what?? if yes..its too late....some of us already leave.....every semester....people will leave the club...from there...everyone know...something fishy going on....and so funny....i heard now...squash club always receive a number of new member every sem...why?? as they told me...its much easier to join and not so many rules to get the 1.5 creadit hour...dunno bout that...but maybe next semester i will leave and join PRS...my real club since primary school.... since...i think im not gonna to make it this sem since i think i will failed as the MT hate me...hahaha....well..they act based on emotion now which they claimed i was.....its very funny...when the things that they complained about me....they practice is...isnt it a good joke?? hahaha.....now i really bored to talk or write about them....

That was my sad csmpus life...hehehe....my real personal life...hmm....i will write it later...maybe tonight or tomorrow....its depends....since im so busy with campus and college stuff...yaiksss...

Its saturday

2010-03-20T16:34:00.002+08:00

its saturday....and seriously im in chaos...im not really feeling so well...i really dunno why...hormone i think...hahaha...standard answer...well today i chat with my former english lecturer from Matriculation... he is a great guy....his name is Mr Rudy Nordin...from tawau and just married to a beautiful wife...

We always keep in touch...ermm..not that always....before facebook...we always texting...just to ask how we are doing....now there is facebook...much cheaper...muahahaha... he really like a brother to me...i dunno why i felt comfortable with him...i can talk anything i want...and he always there to give me wise advise....today...i think i cross the border....i ask him about love... surprisingly he didnt care and just give me answer...i felt better and happy....yaiks....now u guys know why im felling not well...muahaha.....

p/s:i just short entry....i will update u guys later or maybe tommorrow

talented singer (en.mimpi)

2010-03-16T18:51:00.006+08:00

Since i start to open and write a blog...i found a very interesting friend...one of them syah....i did make a post about him....so this is the second time i wanna talk about other blogger that i meet in this blogger world....i never meet him apparently but in this blogger world....he become my friend....he always make my day....unfortunately i dunno what his name is....i only know him as en.mimpi...actually he found my blog first and ask me to check his blog...at first i dunt really bother since im so busy my own life....until then i tried visit his blog....his blog full about his music...he his very talented...he can write his own song and he also sing very well...sometime he would sing other people song which already famous or we never heard it before..overall, he rocksss!!!!..this is his latest song and i really like it....if u have time...go to see his blog...

Football

2010-03-16T18:35:00.002+08:00

Football...huhuhu...well..i would like to say....I HATE FOOTBALL. hahahaha....but then i choose this topic due to our discussion with the lecturer in the English class...Today at class we learn about new writing genre....discussion...one of the example in the book are footballer shouldnt get a high salary (if im not mistaken)....so my lecturer Madam Lily explain abaut the essay....then she ask us who like to watch football....as usual...only the guys (only have 5 guys in our english class) raise their hand....Then madam Lily said....as usual no girls like to watch football...in our class maybe yeah...but outside...there are girls interested in football...if not....how come now we already have female team, maybe just few group....

Well....my father really love football...there was one time...he slept at 8 pm...and later at 11 he woke up to watch the game in the television...hahahaha.....it was so funny and really shocked my sister and i because that time we staying up late to finish our homework.... I always wondering....why people like to watch football...what is in the game satisfy them?? Then i get my answer myself....huhuhu.....it is the interest that we always have for the game...for myself,yes i hate football but damn i love basketball....well football and basketball have some concept...we chasing one little ball and shot it the make a goal, just with different ways and also different setup....

2 very powerful word

2010-03-13T13:33:00.002+08:00

Hai guys....this morning was so terrible... the talk really kindda useless and i'm really sleepy in the Lecture hall...Maybe due to the not enough sleep last night.... After the talk...while waiting for my friend, i met Asaqni outside, we were in same club and recently we together in the Kursus Aasas Fasilitator (Kaf). Between him and i, were not very good story...i really pissed off with him regarding the emergency kit. I did wrote entry bout it.... Im not really pissed off with him anymore...it just my feelings...its feel uncomfortable....

Fortunately i still can be profesional, i still worked with him as best as i could and respect him since he is older than me and in fact...he is really wise guy...always have a lot of crazy and fun idea for our club.... Today outside the lecture hall,he smile widely and he said...THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE. Im like...er what???? what message????? Then he answered me...KAF. Then i understand...i remember on the last day of the program after i went back...i sent a message to all the committee member. it dunt exactly remember what i wrote...what i remember...i said thank you for their help and corporation helping me to do my work whenever i need it and it was really fun to work with them yet i learned a lot. I also said sorry if there are my words or acts that might hurt their feelings......

He thanks me just because i send the message....im so happy...tha word Thank You for the message really made up my day...Who know, there are people appreciate our sincerity to say thank you and sorry even though just via messages...Actually im planing to say it directly to them after the closing ceremony...but for unexpected circumstances...i need to go back early with Faiz....

Do you ever realize, how powereful the word Sorry and Thank you are....They might be simple...but thats word make other people happy and then make the situation better.... Unfortunately, some person too ego to say it....he or she rather hurt other people feelings than saying the two short words...

Guys...im hoping...if u realize u done something wrong to you friend... apologize to them...it wont hurt you..if u afraid to speak directly to your friend, a text message or a phone call is more than enough....They would appreciate it...believe me...and always say thank you no matter what whenever your friend help you even she or he might scold you earlier for disturbing them.....

p/s:not just for friend...stranger also sometimes need to hear both words from you....

Im insane

2010-03-13T04:05:00.002+08:00

Muahaha....yes im insane a.k.a crazy a.ka sewel a.ka gila a.ka otak mereng. Why i said so...bcoz it is 4 in the morning..and i just finished tidying my room...Where got people do some cleaning at this time...only me i think....I Dunno why...i felt i want to clean up my messy area in the room...well..both my room-mate and i got a messy area so equal to super messy room due to my very limited time for myself since there are a lot of activities going on...I just finished cleaning up my desk, my drawer,under my bed and also cupboard....feeling i want to clean up my book shelve but i know i gonna make a very loud noise especially with all the heavy books...so i think im gonna continue later

Unfortunately... first thing in the morning, i have a talk from Jabatan Pertanian i think for the EBX subject. Attendance is compulsory so i have to go no matter what...i really hate this....but luckily my club cancel their program to go bowling later this evening...so i think i can have my rest and spend my time for my luxury and to do other work...

p/s: Yaikss....exam is around the corner and i really not ready yet

unstoppable cover

2010-03-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

Hai guys...i'm a person who like to search for youtubers that sing a cover for my favourite songs...i dunt know bcoz sometimes they sing with different way and sometimes its good....so as u know...my new favorite song is unstoppable by rascal flatts....not many youtubers sing cover for it...but i found one...that time i was listening to the song that rascal flatts version meanwhile i keep clicking at the youtube to open newtab....after the song finish....i try to search back the tab to re-play the song but then the song play by itself....but it wasnt rascal flatts...in fact...i love it more...keep finding between the tab that i opened...i found this....its very good....i did listen other his cover....God...he really good...since he disable to embed his video...so i just put the link below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEcO3cz_wqg

Fall in love with country music

2010-03-12T00:33:00.002+08:00

As u guys know...im crazy with tv series especially regarding investigation and murder...So i think a lot or u might guess one of my favorite tv show...huhuhu...of course Crime Scene Investigation (CSI)...either Miami version,New York version or Las Vegas version....So recently im following latest season for all there CSI....the latest i watch was the Las Vegas version....the opening of the series is a group of singer sing on the stage before one of the singer collapse because of electric shock through his guitar...but im not talking about the case in CSI...i want to talk about the group....the song they played really nice...i re-play it again and again....for half an hour i think....lastly i forgot about my desire to watch CSI...instead i went to youtube and randomly type the word...lastly i found it...the group is real...they call Rascal Flatts...They are county singer...the song that i heard are called 'unstoppable'...Yeah...really unstoppable to hear...huhu....here is the video clips...enjoy...

P/s: all their song really five star...i love them all...they in the industry for 10 years already....all this 10 years...their vocal getting better and better....plus...they are good looking!!! huhuhuhuhu

Husbands and Husbands

2010-03-11T14:17:00.002+08:00

While i was surfing the youtube...searching for some idea for games that can be conduct in a camp... i found an interesting vids...it is recommended vid from youtube.. the tittle husbands and husbands attracted me....

The little boy is very sweet...i think two guys that capture the vids is gay....when the little guy said " so u love each other" it really make me smile....he dunt think marriage from sex perspective instead....it is becouse of love...his pure heart and mind really make me happy and even those couple...If only people in this world are like this little guy....so those who r lesbian or gay could live their life happily without any distubance.

p/s: i realize i talk a lot about gays and lesbian.....is not bcoz im one of them....but im a friends for one of them...and i hate when people judge other people without think first...May God bless the child and the couple...

totally fake!!

2010-03-11T01:13:00.004+08:00

i found this in my email inbox...

Secure Message - Very Important

From:	Federal Bureau Of Investigation Add to Contacts
To:

	Federal Bureau Of Investigation. Anti-Terrorist and International Fraud Division. 935 Pennsylvania Ave, NW Washington, DC 20535 USA

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

This e-mail has been issued to you by the Federal Bureau of Investigation in order to Officially inform you that we have completed an investigation on an International Payment in which was issued to you by an International Lottery Company which was designated to be allocated from Nigeria. According to our completed investigation, a Multi-National Lotto company located in Nigeria launched a Lottery System whereby a Software is built to randomly select different alphabets and then select different domains and whichever e-mail seems valid and working wins.

According to our discovery, your e-mail address has legally won you the sum of $1,600,000.00 (One Million, Six Hundred Thousand US Dollars). We discovered that your e-mail address won the Lottery as they advertised your e-mail address all over Nigerian websites, TV stations and even Radio Stations for Advertisement in order to lure other people into playing their Lottery. The Federal Bureau of Investigation found out that the Lottery took place last month and when the Lottery Company was contacted they gave assurance that the winning e-mail address has been contacted, however we discovered that people in which have been contacting you in regards to all types of Money Transfers, Winnings are ALL fake.

The impostors obtained your e-mail address via the public notification of your Lottery Winning, they therefore sent you several false letters. You are immediately advised by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to IMMEDIATELY stop all communication with any individual who claims to offer money from an old account, people who claim to work for Central Bank of Nigeria, etc.

We have completed this investigation and you are hereby APPROVED to receive the winning prize stated above as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and 100% risk free as the ONLY trusted agent whom has been authorized to handle this transaction is "Mr. Paul Smith". According to the Lottery Company, the total sum of $1,600,000 has been deposited at a Security Company (The Hamilton Group) and is hereby Available for you to make a withdrawal.

In order to have the winning prize delivered to you via a Certified Cashier's Check which shall be issued by Bank of America, you will be required to pay for the following below-

1. Cashier's Check Conversion Fee ( Fee for converting the International Payment into a Bank of America Certified Cashier's Check )
2. Shipping Charges ( This is the charge for shipping the Cashier's Check to your home address )

The total cost of both required documents would cost $575 (Five Hundred and Seventy Five US Dollars) and your check shall be delivered to you within 24 hours after confirmation of payment by your authorized agent. The Federal Bureau of Investigation attempted to deduct the required $575 from your winning prize, however a pre-authorized check has already been issued out and cannot be reversed. You are therefore responsible for the requested fee of $575, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has authorized you to be rest assured that this transaction is 100% risk free. Therefore, you are to trust ONLY your transaction agent (Mr. Paul Smith).

In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( Mr. Paul Smith ) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate contact information:

CONTACT AGENT NAME: Paul Smith
E-MAIL ADDRESS: pausmith@blumail.org

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:

FULL NAME:
ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:
CURRENT OCCUPATION:

You will also be required to request details on how to send the required $575.00 in order to immediately ship your prize of $1,600,000 via Certified Cashier's Check issued by Bank Of America, also include the following transaction code in order for him to immediately identify this transaction : HS-10-288.

This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is authorizing you to pay the required $575.00 ONLY to Mr. Paul Smith via information in which he shall send to you, if you do not receive your winning prize of $1,600,000 we shall be held responsible for the loss and this shall invite a penalty of $8,000 which will be made PAYABLE ONLY to you (The Winner).

Congratulations!

ROBERT S. MUELLER, III
DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

You guys know....some of the name that mentioned in this email quite familiar.... as u guys know...i like to watch stuff regarding investigation, mystery, murder and etc.....so i guess i heard those name from all the tv series that i watched....and logically....i dunt think so FBI would waste their time to send such a letter....there will be a lot of cases that would need their intention than this kind of fraud....and only stupid person would believe...

hot stuff??

2010-03-10T16:55:00.001+08:00

hot stuff?? im a stuff or what??? im a human being okay....I really annoyed with my ex-bf....we parted for about 2 years oredi...huh....by the way....he is a policeman....he worked at kota kinabalu...even though he is a policeman, he is no mr nice guy....i broke up with him to save myself....what the story behind it...better i keep it for myself....but he keep calling me and texting me ask me to come back to him...Hell no!!...i ask him last night....why is it he really want me back....same answer....same stupid answer...." Darling, u r hot stuff!!! im so stupid to let u go and blah blah blah "

Hot stuff??? what is it all about...seriously i dunt understand and i hate it.....

Crazy day

2010-03-04T19:35:00.002+08:00

Its been a crazy day....im so tired....but what can i do....this what to have been done...im tired complaining.....its my choice......but sometimes...i cant help it to mumble my words when the surrounding getting stress....im sorry for those that i hurt....it just a hard week

hip hop make me crazy

2010-03-02T01:09:00.003+08:00

well...im gonna be crazy...well...guess what....i suddenly got all my mood....i can get over my sickness...huhuhu....im still feeling bad but fortunately...and at least...im not feeling helpless....Well..maybe not many of u guys out there know that i love hip hop....Yes hip hop....i love 50 cent,usher,eminem,chingy, fat joe, jay z and latest i heard this kid justin bieber....

Well....i kindda stop or hid my interest in hip hop after my friend laugh at me and they said im lying....i dunno why...but now...who cares rite...everyone have their own right, its up to us who to like, want we like to listen, what we like to read and etc....

Among all the artist...i love 50cent the most...i think he is cute...hahaha...im really crazy...im kidda like bad boy...well...all my ex-bf are bad boy actually...i had dated head gangstar, drug dealer, gangstar, 2 faces policeman....and also pimp...yes i know....but i doest mean i dated a bad boys, im a bad girls...actually what i like bout them...is they are really big softie and they really caring to the girls they love....and all the bad things their are doing....totally not my bussiness and they even dunt want me to get involve....They took gud care of me....its funny rite...but thats my experience...i rather dated bad boy that so called good boy who doing bad things at my back....

Dont judge me....i know what is wrong and what is right.... interestingly...none of by ex-bf ever touch me and held my hand...they respect me as i want to....

Really dunt have the energy

2010-03-02T00:02:00.002+08:00

I feel so sick and very week....yes i laugh a lot today....why?? bcoz my friend said if we laugh, we will getting better fast....thats what u said right yaya.....but unfortunately its not really helping......my body feel weak....my headache become more painful and really disturbing....and my eye, keep watering....but good thing is, my cough is lessen...

I just get back from meeting....and im damn sleepy....yet...i cant sleep yet since i need to study for another midterm tmorrow morning...or actually this morning since its 12 already....my hydraulics midterm really in disaster, my headache really disturbed me until i can forgot all the formula which i can recite everyday but not when in the exam....im sure my mark will be zero or maybe less 7%....haih....really helpless...i know i could do well...if really my mark is bad or maybe worse, im thinking to meet my lecturer to ask another test....maybe....bcoz gosh...she really strict and hard to negotiate....

I have a lot of task to do before the program for this weekend...hope i can handle it....hmmmm

Screwed up

2010-03-01T12:23:00.002+08:00

im really screwed up....light coughing getting serious...i cant talk much or i will cough like crazy...i had high fever this morning...getting much better but still feeling sick....

This morning i missed lab....Sleep soundly after taking some pills early in the morning....another problem...i need to arrange new session to replace the missed lab session....

Things really upside down now...Upcoming activities really in row...by hook or by crook...i must get well by tomorrow....no matter what...right now...i need to force myself.....Its sucks...but no choice...

God....help me...please restore my health....

who is this girl

2010-03-01T04:02:00.004+08:00

Hahaha....u guys must be asking and felt weird about the tittle....but seriously who is this girl..

She surely gorgeous....but i saw her picture everywhere....any site i went there is her picture in a advertisement..seriously....i dunno ever u guys ever saw this girl in any ads in any website u guys open.....with different name and also different type of advertisement....her face also pop up in ads for porn site....i just wondering....if people use her face illegally, why her pic come in different pose,different hairstyle and different outfit....is it possible the person that use her pic can access her picture...i mean a lot of her pic????

Or she really multi-task person....i mean do all the work from legal or illegal??Well only she know...

Bahasa

2010-03-01T02:12:00.002+08:00

Huhuhu....hari ni aku nak buat entry dalam bahasa melayu ar..Semua gara2 kawan aku time sekolah menegah tegur....bahasa melayu aku dah teruk and tunggang langgang...tak macam masa kami sekolah dulu which aku sangat skema klu bercakap sampai kawan2 aku panggil minah skema....hahaha....tapi aku pun perasan gak...lepas masuk matriks ahasa melayu aku makin teruk sama ada lisan ataupun tulisan.....tak kisah ar dalam bahasa baku ka bahasa pasar sabah...

Terkejut juga aku tadi bila kawan aku tegur....huhuhuhu...siap kena sindir gik...."dulu bukan men terer bahasa melayu, setiap exam A, n selalu paling tinggi...". Marah juga kena sindir...tapi apa yang kawan aku cakap tu betul...dulu aku bangga bila cikgu2 puji aku dak cina yang fluent cakap melayu baku....and hasil penulisan aku tidak mengecewakan mereka....tapi sekarang....hancus... Bukan setakat bahasa melayu...English pun sama...dulu aku bole ketegori sederhana...skang hancur aku rasa...grammar tunggang langgang angd cakap selalu tersasul sebut past tense or present tense bila tidak diperlukan....Aku pun tak tau apahal....

Aku rasa aku kena banyak baca buku ni....coz dulu aku rajin baca novel2 melayu especially...tapi sejak matrikulasi...sebab2 kesibukan...aku dah jarang beli...paling sedih...beli tapi blum baca....aku ada 3 lagi novel lum baca...dua novel english and another one malay which aku dah beli sejak sem lepas....im i pathetic? i think yes....aduh...

Bz day started

2010-02-23T00:39:00.002+08:00

Huhuhu...today quite a disastr for myself...hahaha....but what can i do...its my responsiblity already...just get back from meeting....quite sleepy....They discussed a lot since there are a lot upcoming activities....I already expected this since last year also the same...Hope all of us can do it...

There are a few of activities that i involve with....all of them as Commitee...so its really make me tired with all the meeting and task need to be done...Its fun...i got some experience especially the one that on may...SAFE will be associated with PERTEKMA, student association from Faculty of Information Technology....we will be going for a trip...for a week....through Sarawak until Brunei....Im excited about it...but still a lot of works to do...

Latest is Kursus Asas Fasilitator (KAF) which will be held next week... We started our task already and i just hope the best for it....

I think i want to sleep now...really sleepy now...need some rest....need to refill my energy...huhuhu

coming back

2010-02-20T12:12:00.002+08:00

im coming back to kuching today.....i really hate to say gudbye to my family....but what should i do....this is what i must do....Im kidda sleepy now....maybe the caffeine in my body is gone already...i woke up 2:30 am this morning and leave home at 3 am....I arrived at Kota Kinabalu International airport aroud 4:30 am since the traffic was pretty good... Got half hour before i could check in at the counter...so i just hung out in the car with my family...waiting for the time to past by....thank god no delay....we boarding and leaving kota kinabalu sharp at 6:45 am as schedule and i arrive at 8: 10 am...so i decided to have a breakfast since im straving...while enjoying my breakfast i called taxi to pick me up at 9 sharp...

Now im in my apartment alone....i know nobody is back yet....but its okay....i wanna rest and sleep since last night i sleep at 1 am because helping my sister with her homework...and chit chatting about guys and life...I think thats it for now...such a short entry...just want to update u guys about my life...bye...have a very nice weekend

fun fun fun and more fun

2010-02-16T23:51:00.002+08:00

Well...this Chinese NEw year were not bad as i thought at first...actually....this is the best ever.....Why??? sorry cant tell u much except...I lOVE MY UNCLES!!!!!!!!!!!! They were awesome especially the youngest since he only 6 years older than me...Well...a lot of the villagers taught we were husband and wife....cant help it...i really close with him....and the way he treat me....like a guy should treat his girlfriend...Some people might misunderstood and also would protest...but we dunt care...we were in our own world....We have black history together....but its our past....and we wont look back except forward...Mermer....he is the same guy the same uncle that i told u before..... Maybe other my bff who know the stories between us and ruin both our life said im so stupid.....but its weird....that both of us cant understand....We still trying to be nice and be a good person to each other....especially him...he tried hard enough to cover what he had done...but we know...what happened had happened.... so the best we can do....try to forgive each other and try to have fun together no matter how awkward it was actually.....

New Hair

2010-02-12T23:12:00.003+08:00

As i promised...i will download my pic with new hair dunno what u guys think

Chinese New Year around the Corner

2010-02-12T14:37:00.002+08:00

Hai guys......Its gonna be short entry since i just want to update u guys..well...i already at home...feeling so nice.....but...unfortunately...got ton of work to do....same with my sisters...so three of us....we will dead by tonight....tomorrow will be reunion dinner....we are excited but yet still to many things to prepare..

By the way...i did straighten my hair....well..my hair kindda messy and wavy..so after i heard my mom keep telling me to straighten my hair for 3 year now....i decided to just go and fulfill what she want....i think i wont do any harm....as long i can keep her mouth shut....hehehehe....i will post my pic tonight since my laptop is run out of battery....okay....see u guys later....

answer for interesting email part 1

2010-02-06T17:41:00.003+08:00

Hai ya there...today i check both my email inbox...one of the email...i only used for my friends to send their part of assignment for me and other professional stuff matter....but then i saw in my inbox someone with unknown id....send an email to me....she introduced herself as jessy...dunno where she from and etc...she only introduced me her name...when i see her email address...she is using uk account...i really dunno how she know this email....but nvm coz i decided to put my email address in the blog later...just no time for it

She ask me simple question but enough to make me speechless for a moment and my mind go blank for a while....

" Miss Mel, i have a sister and she really make me want to kill her...i really hate to have her around....why u really seem precious ur sisters and even call them little angels...i think younger sister is a demon from hell!!"

Well.....its kindda weird and scary in fact....so here is my answers....what i wrote is something i think of spontaneously right now...no drafting no anything....so dear jessy, what u might read maybe something that u dunt approve off....bear with it.

Sisterhood....Welcome to th world where u need to do sacrifices... and bear with it if ur sisters never say thank you or even grateful for what u have done for them... All the stuff like u love relationship, friendship, happiness, wildness as teenager and whatever fun activities is seems to be impossible for you to get involve when they growing up.... As u know...i have two sisters...and they are 5-6 years younger than me....

To become a sister is a heavy responsibilities on ur shoulder which u need to carry it until u r death.....Well...parents only will responsible to us (daughters) until we are married....Once we are married we are under our husband and family in law responsibility... but unfortunately...not when we are sister to someone.... You might lose the most important time or chance in your life for them...its happen to me....sometime i regretted what had happened but there were no turning back....No matter how naughty they are and even sometime u wish u never have a sisters (o'oh believe me, me either)..but in fact... they were one of the main reason u still holding in....

They are special gift jessy..they might annoyed with thousand of act...i couldnt deny that....u just got one sister...how bout mine?? with 2 super intelligent and tricky little angel....my daily life quite disaster....but i know....for that thousand annoying and really troublesome act.... they will give u uncountable and precious present for it....all the moment were so precious....

Dear jessy, do u still remember when ur sister still a baby....she always smile when u are around her...she laugh when u play with her....she will cry if u accidently shouting on top of ur lung near her...I think u still remember,.... y?? because u are big sis....The bonding between sisters are mysterious and weird..... The time her soft hand holding u when u want to across street....how she believing in u...and trust u that u would make sure she safe across....how about....when it was ur birthday....she try her best to make a special gift for u with her own bare hands and sometime get hurt and how about she shouting like crazy insisting u to open her present first....

U never realized it maybe....ur sister will protect u when she could...i bet...she help u once or more, shield ur body with her when ur mom beat u for the wrong things that u did... She also will steal a medicine from u mother cupboard to give u to treat ur wound instead of her wound....Its happened to me....i know....How about when u are sick...im sure she will try to make sure u feeling better without knowing actually she annoyed u.....

Jessy...i want u to tell me either what i told u is true or not...then i will continue... Think and try to remember what i said.

morning people

2010-02-02T06:15:00.002+08:00

Good morning!!! Its 6:15 am rite now...im taking a break for a while from my work and having a nice and hot coffee to start my day...i think i wont be able to take a nap since i got clasat 8 am...so i better hang for like few hours (until 4 pm) until my class finished...I hope the coffee would help me to hang in today... i know it is a bad idea since i got class and im pretty busy now....but i have no other choice...

first....i think my insomnia is back.... 2nd...i seem got billion work to do....actually...my work dunt really so many as i thought.... in fact...im the one who make it seem wont be able to finish it forever... It is because...in calculation....i like to take my time and i dunt mind to do it again and again...sometime...i realize 1 question i could took 4 hours.....i wont stop calculating until im satisfied with the answer...Well civil engineering student should know that to do hydraulic calculation really need time due to its long step....and yet i like to calculate one by one and do it quite few time...and believe me...i remember each details oredi....its good thing right....but really use a lot of my time...Just now...i finish series 1 and 2 (until discussed in the class)...and tonight i will continue will geotech and hopefully i wont fall asleep.....

Got few work left to do....but i need to left it behind since i got quiz at 8 so i need to spend my time to study the topic for the quiz.... i think i better continue with my notes...To be honest....i dunt think i can do it since i havent go thru with the tutorial really well yet....all my tutorial for geotech still in roughly sketch....no proper solution and answers....so its really make me in trouble....

p/s: actually i forgot bout the quiz...my bad...

Crazy

2010-02-02T01:56:00.001+08:00

Hi guys…it is a worse day for me….it seem I have a hangover…not becoz alcohol matter but previous tutorial. I know hangover is not the appropriate word for my condition now….but that what im feeling right now….no other perfect word that I can think about…I really have a big problem now….Calculation… It not im weak at it….as long I understand, I wont be a problem to be….except …I only can think and do all my calculation at night!!! I have been like that for past 3 days now….This past 3 days, on daylight I would do something that only need words… …but when clock show 8 pm and above…I will suddenly…grab my work about calculation and do it until 7 am…until yesterday…i sleep at 9am…It really abnormal!!! I think I need help!!! I cant take this anymore…my body really cant take it anymore… Just the god news…half my work finish oredi….

Please give me suggestion….how can I handle this…I cant spend my daylight to sleep and spend my daynight to do all my work….right now I wish all my work already finished so I can sleep at night like other people!!!!

Last evening, I called my mom..I told her about this new and crazy habit…One word she said…”CRAZY!!!”. I just laugh coz I admit it…She share about her concern with my new attitude and lastly what she can advice me…get enough sleep at daylight which that wont be able to happen since I need t go to class….i need to attend various activity…all the meetings….Seriously…now I dunt have personal life I think….no more hang out with friend even I want to…Really felt alone here…Nobody to share my stupid new habit except my family…

When Girls Cry for A Guy

2010-01-30T16:21:00.002+08:00

hi...when i went for blog walking...i found this entry from my friends blog, aweyn...This really kindda accurate....so i guess i will just share it with u guys.... Well people...a girl easy to cry in whatever situation but weird...she hardly cry for guy unless she really deeply love the guy....

If a girl cries in front of u,
It means that she couldnt take it anymore.

If u take her hand,
she would stay with u for the rest of ur life.

If u let her go, she couldnt go back to
being herself anymore.

A gurl won’t cry easily,
except in front of the person whom she
loves the most,
she becomes weak.

A gurl wont cry easily,
only when she love u the most,
she put down her ego.

Guys, if a gurl cries bcoz of u,
please hold her hands firmly,
coz she’s the one who is willing to stay
with u 4 for the rest of ur life.

Guys, if a gurl cries bcoz of u,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of ur decision,
u ruin her life.

When she cry rite in front of u,
When she cry bcoz of u,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she’s
feeling?

Think….

Which other gurl have cried with pure sincerity,
In front of u,
And bcoz of u?
She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or pity,

She cries,
Because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt n agony have bcome too big a
burden to be kept inside.

Guys,
Think about it,
If a gurl cry her heart out to u,
And all because of u,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only u will know the answer to it.
Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say “im sorry”.
think about it.

Morning sunshine

2010-01-28T06:47:00.002+08:00

Its nearly 7 am rite now......im quite sleepy oredi....i think i will go to sleep in a while before i go to the class at 11 am...I've done some reading for my asignment for Academic Reading and Writing whole night....i have the idea already...but still im not sure how im gonna to do it...i found a lot of example on net but seriously they were well made report....so i just read and take a notes if the info is valuable and i think i will just put it together....

Bye2 for now.....my head start to spin oredi....gud morning everyone

Feeling great

2010-01-27T23:21:00.002+08:00

hi guys....now its nearly a week since William passed away and now Grace has started her new life at LA. She send me an email...she said she will find a suitable job there when she is ready. Now she stay with her friend...I hope she can start a new life...

Im feeling great today....nothing special happen actually...but i dunt know....maybe bcoz i understand hydraulics and i can solve the quest with just take a look at the answers that we already discussed with madam Rosmina earlier in the class last monday... I hope i passed this paper....its fun to study and calculate but its really need out patience..

Today maybe i want to stay up late again like this morning....even though i sleep around at 7 am...i still can make it to the class at 10 without feeling sleepy....maybe i have a quality sleep since my sleep always disturbed by my roomate.... better i use my time to do my work instead still feeling tired due to disturbed sleep...Tomorrow my class at 11 am...i think i can make it...but still...i probably need to wake up early...need to go to east campus....need to compile my notes and binding it....but still thinking....maybe i will just go on friday since i dunt have any class on friday except at night...n probably meeting in the evening....

Im so busy this semester...i thought my activity would minimize but im totally wrong...its just the first month....i dunno how im gonna to make it. My schedule really overlapping but when im free i will be free for whole day....Really hate this situation....make me need to think and choose which one is most important and what the effect of my decision....

Went out

2010-01-24T22:55:00.002+08:00

Today i went out for shopping..Not shopping "shopping", but i want to buy some food like instant noodles, cracker and all the personal stuff since my room really empty. Beside that my deodorant and perfume were left out at my home at Sabah. So i have nothing to wear to class...its really bother me becouse i will keep thinking am i smelly...Hahaha..Before i dunt care all bout this perfume and especially deodorant since i felt it sticky, but after i went for pre-university, i learn all this girls stuff...i must do and dont. I feel and confident of myself since i really lack of confident about my appearance.Well u guys know why, its normal issue for fat girl. Unfortunately, there were bad part about it...my finance sometimes killing me...I have an allergic skin...from top until bottom, so my women things like make-up, perfume, lotion,jewel and everything really expensive....i try to find cheaper thing that would not harm my skin and for now i think the cheapest thing only my perfume which is only RM6 each (my previousu perfume (Wish of Love) around RM40 a bottle,i still use this type but i limited it), deodorant RM6 and face scrub RM13...Others especially make-up could cost me RM25 and above each either lipstick, eye-shadow and so on...

As usual, i went to my favorite spot, Crown Plaza. A lot of student said everything in the mall, from ground floor till 3rd floor since 4th floor is cinema, it kills our money. Damn expensive...Hmmm...for me...its convenient there...all the stuff that i need are there..i just one building and in case i want to buy some books, i will just go to the mall next to it...The price, its fine with me....actually theres a lot of quality things there....im not the kind of girl that would were something got brand like channel, Gucci and so on...but i like to buy them for someone special like my dad, my mom or my sisters for special day...Since i cant afford that for myself, i will just see and watch, kidda windows shopping and adore them.

So, once i arrived there, i went to grab some food. As usual, the only place to eat there since im so lazy to walk,i went for KFC. As u guys know, there a lot of interesting thing that i see there. Today different, i went for a space at the corner, not really feel want to observe people, i still feeling sad...So i just sit at one corner and sit in front the wall...all i can see only a red wall. I just enjoyed my meal. Then come a couple sit at the table beside me, i dunt really care about them since im not in the mood. Since the table was so near, i could heard what they say, I dunt really interested, look like a married couple to me, since they talk about house rent, car payment and works. So sudden he chase the girl out. Im shocked. I turn my head and watch them.They were in very fine and normal conversation, no fighting but so sudden the guy ask the women to go out.

Suddenly, unexpected, a women came towards him and she was holding a baby girl (i cant tell from the cute hair dressing of the baby). The women so beautiful than the first one. The women give the men a kiss in his cheek so do him.She ask him, " Who is that women hubby?"...Huh?? Hubby?? The first women called him that also. I still dunt the understand the scene. Then "She is a client. It was a coincidence to meet her here." What the....client?? Holding hands, talking about house rent, car payment and conflict at work....the women than reply " Owh i see.Dear could you hold her first, i want to order some food, our baby keep fussing while i went for shopping, maybe she want her dad" The men reply " Of couse, u know what people said, a daughter always want her daddy than her mommy.Go on, u know what my fav rite honey?" Then i think i understand. The real husband and wife is the men and the women that hold the baby, and the men with the first women, they are having affairs...I really sympathize with the baby's mom. She is so beautiful, like goddess and she is perfect, she give the man child, yet his husband having other affairs. Its in front of her!!!! I just felt want to tell the women about his husband, but hen i ask myself.Who i am to tell her, im only the stranger, would she believe and if she believe, what would happen if they fight and maybe worse divorce, what happen to their daughter. So i just walk away after i finished eating and i even touch his daughter head and said "You have a beautiful daughter, she just like ur wife, love her. "My last word love her, got two meanings, love ur wife and i love ur baby. Hope she get both message which i think she just might think i said i love her daughter.

Women really a great weapon. Why i say so, a women could crush other women or people happiness and a women could bring a family or other people happiness and can unite them. What i cant believe, i think the mistress to that man know that he was married. How could she destroy a family. Especially their daughter. Its unfair to her. I hope, any women out there, no matter how we love a guy, make sure he is single and available. If dunt want to get hurt, so do other women. If u want to have ur dream men, so do others. In such case, its kidda, first come first serve. So if u get in the middle...step outside. You can find other men that might give u happiness. Just dont ruin other women. i felt it once, until now im hurt....im just part of the women that being hurt, so i cant imagine what happen to the person who her men nearly taken by other women. She still strong until now...but she still hurt. I admire her....

2010-01-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

feeling better

2010-01-23T18:20:00.003+08:00

today i feel much better but still, i cant focus on my work. Theres a lot of thing that need my attention...just for now i cant do it. Last night i dream about William. The moment we first met.He stare at me like never saw a girl until Grace get jealous....It took time for me to explain but William didnt want to help me at all...He just laughed. When i start to give up and i felt wanna cry, thenWilliam explain. He really make me wanna kill him that time...Its now in our memory. Grace come to see me just now...she said she will be leaving next Monday for LA. She said too many memory between them either in Sabah or here...Everywhere she go she will remember William and she will cry again...She want to fulfill William last will.

So im gonna b alone here. two my bestfriend wont be coming back to unimas i think...Then william gone....now Grace....i start to feel the loneliness already...May God keep me strong,give new life and happiness to Grace and Will's family.

My day started miserably

2010-01-22T15:18:00.004+08:00

hai....suppose this morning until evening...i dunt have any class...but then my lab member decided that we do our third lab today at 10 pm since it will be a chaos for us like what had happened last semester because we need to change the experiment that we suppose to do last monday...Instead of doing lab H4 we went for H5 since there are another group using the same equipment...So today we went for H5.... Last night im not really good mood, i cant solve the question that given by lecturer, so i end up downloading some tv series....so i spent the rest of my night watching it.... I kidda hooked with the series that i newly dowload so i didnt realize clock already 5 am... i know....im a teribble student, i addicted to watch tv series especially about pseudoscience, murder, mystery that out of our mind, investigation and all that stuff....i went to bed coz at 10 am i need to be at the lab...

9.30 am sharp i was shocked from my sleep, i thought someone call my name, then i saw i roommate get ready to go to her class....i though it was my dream or my hallucination or she did call me, but im pretty sure its a guy voice...So i get ready myself meanwhile my roommate already make her way to class...Its 9:50 before i step out of the door, make my way to the lab which only 5 min away from my apartmen when i received a call, its a private number, I thought i was my friend (or actually kindda my future husband that my family pick but we decided to call it off AND I WILL TELL U NEXT TIME.DONT ASK.hehehehe). I pick up the phone and it silent on the other side...i ask who is it and i kindda yelling to the phone also. Then i heard someone cried on the other side of the phone...im confused then

"Hello.....please tell me who are u, are u my friend? listen im late for my lab, call me later if it is important okay....bye..."

"Wait..."

"Grace??? Is that u??"

"........."

"Grace!!! im late already, call me back later kay"

"William is dead!!! Mel, William is dead!!!!!!!"

"........."

"Mel...."

"Hahaha thats funny, i know William beside you now and laughing. I will kill u both if i see u guy"

"Im not joking mel, we use to prank u but its real"

"Grace....."

"He passed away last night.I'm on the way to Unimas, William ask me to give you something. Could u please come down to the parking lot where we use to drop u.Please Mel..."

"but grace.... is it.."

"Yes, it is reality. I will tell u evertything after this, i will be there in 10 minutes"

My brain cant work, i seem stop breathing.. Did u guys remember the latest entry, about the generous and concern guy that took me to the clinic last tuesday?? It was william.He is my dear friend.We know each other through ym...its about 3 years ago, after i finished my SPM.He is sabahan but he work here for 5 year now....He had a great and wonderful fiancée, Grace. We met for the fist time few month ago.Coincidently at the mall at Crown Plaza.He recognize me through the picture i emailed him. That time we was with Grace, from that moment, we become friends. Grace once told me, he love me so much because he never had a sister, i like her sister. How i always want him to get what i want no matter what. How i consult him for advice about love and friend. He never felt how needed he is to someone even Grace. Ever since, three of us getting closer.

The day he took me to the doctor, he told me that he will getting married to Grace on Valentine Days. He said he want it will be their special day since he met Grace on Velentine day. Im getting healthier when i heard the news....its true what yaya said, when we happy, we will feel much better cause our body will release a hormone. I still remember that day, he laugh so hard in the car until tear run down to his cheek and still laughing along the way back to unimas when i mumbling and kindda curse the doctor after i was given an injection. I JUST HATE SYRINGE!!! He laugh and laugh until i also laugh with him....Even im sick but im just happy. Even Grace keep calling to make sure im alright.

On wednesday evening, William call me, he ask we to go out with him and Grace to grab some dinner but i couldnt go since i have the co-curriculum thingy at night. He kindda force me and i even can heard he and Grace fighting over the fon to talk to me and force me to come...But i want to finish the credit hour. That the last time i heard his voice. i tried to call him whole day next day but i could reach him or even Grace. So i just think maybe they were out to see some client since both of them are insurance agent and they work as a partner. I never thought this would happen.

I ask myself, why so many people i love and care was taken away from me. I couldnt cry anymore...i text Mellvyn that i would be late for the lab.When Grace arrived, she look pale and her eyes, got the dark circle. I know she grieving. I took her to my room and we talk there. She hand in a purple envelope to me. It was William handwriting on top of it....It said...To my little angel, Mel. Grace said, she received a letter also from William. After Grace calm down,she told me, William had a heart problem. He found out about it year ago and he never told anybody about it include his parents and Grace. Nobody know about it...He is so clever to cover it....and we are so stupid didnt notice it. His doctor did explain, William is in the waiting list for heart donor,whenever there is the donor it didnt match. He battle by himself for all this year, and then his lost the battle last night. He have a heart attack while he was sleeping. After Grace when back, i went to the lab. The session nearly finish. I felt guilty, but i really can say how im sorry to my group member already. Mellvyn ask me if it is okay, i just said, im fine but just tired.I didnt pay too much attention to my group member.I keep thinking about him.He is nice person and he only 25 years old.

After went back from lab, i opened his letter.He said that he is sorry that he hid it from all of us...He dunt want we to feel bad. What was his thinking!!! We love him. He ever said to me, if i suffer, he would suffer also, but why he kept this suffer by himself. Fight is alone and now leave us behind without said Goodbye?? He also said, he know the time would come...Just he dunno when. He said, for the past few months, he had a sister that he never thought he gonna have. Both most important girl in his life,Grace and I bring him a lot of happiness and wonderful memory. The memory will still alive and he will still be there watching over us...He ask me to take care of Grace, maybe Grace is older than me but she is reckless. He afraid she would do something stupid.

This few months, i felt so happy, had a brother. We are not related by blood but we were related by love and care. Now he was gone, he also didnt allow me to go to his burial. He said, he dunt want i cry, but im still crying William. There are no tears in my eye but my heart crying and calling for ur name. You always be there for me and now?? I will do everything u ask. Except 2 things, i wont replace you with anybody. You are the only one brother that i got. Secondly, i wont be able to find your replacement in Grace heart. Both of us know, how Grace love you, it is depend on her itself.As long you are in her heart there is nothing i could do.

" William, u are great Son to ur parents, a great lover to ur love, Grace, a great friend and brother to Me, A good friend to tasya, jessy, kim, joyce,helen, wong and dhira. We will always remeber you in our memory, u will always in our heart. May God bless you my dear brother"

blogging in order to get known???

2010-01-21T17:33:00.002+08:00

hi guys....im kindda busy this week...plus i have a high fever last tuesday....my friend so generous and concern about me, took me to the private clinic at kuching. All payment, he settle it for me....Thanks my friend....I was given an injection to reduce my fever and temperature which preety high, 41.7 degree...well...day before i already got flu and cough...then thing turn worse when i caught in rain that morning and evening..... Plus, i cant wash my hair due of girls condition....huhuhu.... after half an hour...i felt much better....but my headache still disturbing...now i spent more my time to take some sleep and rest... i need to restore my health because start tommorow, my day would be in chaos....i have a lot of overlapping schedule and activity....plus meeting...

Just now....when i went to my blog dashboard, there 2 comments....both are the same comment from same sender....here is what he or she wrote to me...

"http://sdlcandss.blogspot.com/

I know every blogger is desperate to find Followers to his blog and get his blog indexed by google.

For this sake i have created a page on face book.
Read the posts on discussion board and gets tips..
If interested become the fan

http://www.facebook.com/pages/All-Bloggers-Lets-UNITEUNITED-WE-RISE-DIVIDED-WE-FALL/262380321167"

It was so funny....the commenter said...EVERY BLOGGER...DESPERATE....hahahaha....well....im sorry to dissapointed u my dear commenter....im not those the desperate commenter.... maybe he think im one of those because of the visitor counter and online visitor count that i put in my blog.... well, i put those thing because i just want to know...how many person of people did went to my blog....if u guys remeber in previous entry....i did say that i think i want to close this blog....but then i change my mind aftera few of my readers said, it was fun to read my true experience, that make me think....it wont do any harm....if u also still remember in my previous entry which i think a year ago, i like to make people happy no matter who is the person is...since there are people want to read it....i will continue my writing even its only one person want to read it....

Whatever i put,decorate or wrote in my blog, is my true reflection of myself...if u realize....my blog always in dark colour....just after i change it, i put a fe colourful colour but it still base in black....everything have their own reason....i did not put it there because it beautiful or nice to see...For the first time when i started this blog....i pun my blog name as Love is beautiful, i wrote about love...then i realize....what i wrote is about me....to be honest...i started this blog to advice people about love especially to the young teenager...since that what i do since im in secondary school...people always seek for my advice....well...lot of them work but some are not...Then i realize....my love story also in chaos...i dont have the right to advice people if i cant manage my own love story....

The blog than chabge to Story of my life...i put under the blog's title "im a girl, im a daughter, im a sister, im a friend". It is because....i do the best to be all the 4 characteristic.... i become a real girl after i through a lot of dark moment which nearly took my life....i become a daughter to a wonderful and awesome parent, they maybe strict and really get into ur nerve sometime...but that make me a better person and better daughter, i become a sister to 2 great little angel after 5 years live as single chlid, they give me more than i want in my life...they adore me as i adore both of them.Our sisterhood sometime kind of rocky, from a sister we become enemy, we hate each other, after that, we become one to be a brick and wall to make sure our "home" didnt collapes, since that we value each other....we cant live without each other, from sister we become friend and besfriend, and now, we are one person, without one of us....we will be death... then i become a friend to such a wonderful friend....Ika, Anna, Sabarina, Azah, Ellyvia,Lynn, Mellvyn, Yaya, Stephanie, Faiznurain. You guys are great....

So once again...im not those desperate blogger that desperate to find follower....its already near 2 years, i have 44 follower and a few person that love my entry, thats more than enough for me...

bloggers

2010-01-17T20:52:00.003+08:00

i received a . or actually a warn from my dear friend through my blog...this is what my friend said

"had changed my URL add for my hate to spammer ralph romez..as he named himself..how pathetic is thattt...anyways..he spammed my chat box with massive unacceptable wordsss and totally made my day as bad as in helll. ok, i don't mind anymore today because when i told him about he had contaminated mybeloved blog..guess what that *** said..plez tell me what did i said in ur chat box..at least just listen to my explaination..

ok..back to my point..what's the point of answered his call..ko ingat ko tu sapa???? dah buat salah xnak mengaku..what a jerk.
oooo he really screwed up my day..huh!
beware bloggers out there..this man is a very ungrateful friend and most important is he is not sensitive enough with people..maybe that explained he was hated once, and he is irresponsible.."

Well, she kinda pissed off with the blogger name ralph romez...but i understand what she felt....its really annoying...Thanks my dear friend for the warn and sharing with me ur new link...

by the way....i received another comment from anonymous...promote about nudity video and pic....he even said for 18 years old and above only.....this guy really crazy.....what funny....he or she just use anonymous....this person dont have the courage to tell us who is this person....well...at my opinion....this person know who am i....probably my dear enemy..People who know me....they understand....if they wanna talk openly about sex or much wild stuff....i dunt bothers...for me....its just for our info....but if u asking this kind of stuff...i mean ask me to watch or see that kind of picture...im gonna be soooo furious ....

to this anonymous...Well...pls....if wanna comment...just comment bout my writing...my topic...not something else....ur lust....u can keep urself kay....

Not feeling very well

2010-01-12T18:19:00.003+08:00

hi...from now on...i will only update my blog once a week...and if i feel wanna write more than 1 entry per week...i will just do it....Im not feeling well today...haiya...just start new semester already sick....i have a headache, flu and cough since yesterday....but this morning when i woke up to get ready for class...i barely can stand up...my body feeling hot....for half hour i try to stabilize myself....the clock ticking....at the end just decided i had to skip geotech this morning.....i love to enter the class!!! its frustating.....but my condition really bad....maybe because i sleep very late last night....calculating my lab report all night after hubungan etnik class finish since i made some error in previos calculation....and what really take my time is to key in the number....my head really painful and im sleepy but i did force myself...then try to figure out how to do the damn graph....it ended with nothing....haiyaa......

After taking a few pills...im getting better...still dizzy but i can hold on....so i went to english class..this sem im taking academic reading and writing....all my way to cls(centre languange of study) i keep recite some pray so that my lecturer in this course would me a nice lecturer...When i entered the class... a few student already there....the lecturer also there...im so shocked....she look like my grandmother....the way she dress and smile accepted she wearing extra profesional pink coat but i notice the blouse she wear just like my grandma....she always smile....i keep looking at her while we were waiting for other student...so sudden i miss my grandma....for whole 2 hours...i felt like 20 minute even my headache bothering me....the way she talk...the way she treat us...the way she smile....the way she speak....make me speechless....Her name is Mdm Lily Law...she teach us with smile...even sometime nobody like to respond to her...maybe still not get used to her and other classmate...she just smile and always said...nevermind...lets do it together....after one hour past....things getting better...some student...dare to answer all her question....class are not quiet as the beginning....im looking forward to going to the class next week....even though she did give us homework....i would be happy to do it even i have a lot to catch up right now....

Till next time....bye

new semester begin

2010-01-05T23:01:00.002+08:00

every new sem and every year i like to say a bunch of word which sometimes i think its only a bunch of word without any meaning to me or would effect my life....

"My life begin today and and a new journey start today"

its only a bunch of word without any meaning i think....let see...my life begin today...i think mylife oredi began for 20 years ago....or 20 year 9 month 10 days (dunno the specific hour and minute)...since i was in my mother womb....so why do i like to day those words....it is because....i always think that my life is in misery until sometime i could not hold on anymore....but i forgot that there were someone else that i think their life much worse than me....it normal...believe me....everyone would feel what did i felt...minimum once in their life....but still...i know the word wont change who i am and how i act...but like to say it...because..it give me hope...hope to hold on...hope to keep going even though im tired....hope to finish whatever i have started....hope that wil fulfill my parents hopes.

journey start today....my journey already started since im still crawling on the floor...i felt and learn about all the pain cause by falling down....i learn which one or what i suppose to eat and what i suppose could not ut in my mouth....i explore the world outside even though im only in my mother small garden...i learn how to love my own sister...my journey become tougher....so far...i still go on and go on....and i know...my journey wont stop until i was repay for all the good things and bad things that i did in this world.....

Its funny....how people always said something that we already on it....

Its just a thought....gudnite people...luv ya

New Year

2010-01-01T20:41:00.002+08:00

Its been a mont i think from my last update...today is 1st january 2010...we already left 2009 behind...For one year, i have been going through a lot of thing....some i wouldnt and wont remember in my life and some...i dunt want talk about it and i wish it didnt happen...

Well...first...let me tell u...i already broke up with prince.,..i broke up with him in the middle of study week...Its not he left me...it just me who ask him so we can be friend....i dunt have time for him... i always left him wondering without any news sometime for month...its not appropriate for a relationship.....so i think it is better i ended it myself or i will hurt him more and maybe myself.....well..single is so much fun....but now...we still good friend and much better than before... i guess this one is a good thing...even we were surrounded by sorrow for a few days due of the break up...but its okay

Worse thing happen....my pointer for 2nd sem....put me in LB state....but luck is beside me...so my pointer up until 2.0...but still make me cry a few days...broke my heart until i nearly want to quit....after my lil sis talk to me and convince me to climb up a bit and later i would success...then i agree to continue...give a shot....even still heart broken...i try my best...n for this third sem....my pointer turn to 2.1...rise a bit...but it enough to give me hope to continue....

This year, my health condition so not so good....i dunno y....my friend said maybe i dunt have enough rest....maybe...i will try to balance my personal life,rest and study....And tommorw im going back to sarawak to continue my 4th sem....wish me luck..to rise my pointer....n hope God give me stregth and a good health....thats it for now....need to finish packing...daa

Holidays...

2009-12-02T19:31:00.001+08:00

Hi guys...well this is express update...i wont be able to online now becouse im busy helping my dad at his groceries shop....well...this is the only time i have time to help him since im so damn busy with my study and my life.....so see u guys after a months....

p/s have a nice holidays for all ipta or ipts student....for those who still got exam...gambatte!!!

pissed off

2009-11-01T00:28:00.003+08:00

i just finished blog walking....stop by at PRIMU's blog...got few new entries...its gud since Jamal and I complain a lot a bout the blog because more than 1 month no new update....if it is personal blog i can accept...but it is information blog...club's blog...so its really unaccepatble.... then i found this at the chat box.

See the highlight part....1st...we wont complain if we dunt see it...what we comment is the truth....2nd...we do appreciate...but then...i heart this sentences more than three times....from higher committee...Now seriously....it become show off already....first time...i heard...i couldnt do more than agree...2nd time....speechless...3rd time...same sentences...its annoying!! I dunno who the hack is the pemusnah....but i think i know who is she or he....need my friend to check for me...lucky got friend study about science compt in uitm....ko its easy to track them....later perhaps....coz dunt have a mood to hate more people right now...in fact..im tired

First aid Kit vs trust

2009-10-31T23:01:00.005+08:00

The title just so weird right....but this stupid thing torn my feeling and my trust apart to PRIMU 100%... Well...its been a long time i didnt talk about PRIMU here...it just...i think i lost my interest and my love for PRIMU...from previous old entries...i might said that i would stay for PRIMU until this club become strong....Now i dunt....and if posible...i would like to get out from PRIMU as soon as possible...Some of the Higher Commitee in PRIMU just annoying and pissed me off not just me but a lot other members who already left PRIMU...but i just shut my mouth since i dunt want to be label SENSITIVE MORE OFTEN..well...i dunno where got wrong...a few of Higher committee said im too sensitive and easily pissed off...well...they didnt know i've tried like hell to control and be fake infront of them...its not myself....but just for their damn satisfaction...i just become plastic...

I love them...sure i did...but sometimes...people need their own space and need people to respect them....Today really make me like want to kill asaqni...maybe its not his fault....i understand...just cant help it...Let me tell the situation...and tell me...would u feel the same way as i do right now...pissed off and feel that i cant be trusted....I would like to know...

"Last sunday....group of student went to Sentubong Mountain. Among them....there is a girl...FAT GIRL...NAMED MELIN (THATS ME!!!) who would like or i prefer...forced to come since she got the duty...to prepare breakfast for the whole team....wake up at 3 a.m and start making breakfast with her friend until 6 am...tired and sleepy but the fat girl satisfied..WHY?? Because the breakfast for her LITTLE FAMILY KNOWN AS PRIMU....Thanks to Faiz, farrah, dibah and Ain for helping me early in the morning...especially farrah becouse even though she is not one of our FAMILY...she still willing to help.... after waiting for few hours....at least...departed from UNIMAS and go fot sentubong...could not sleep since they were too noisy...maybe they were excited...9:30 arrived....did some exercise too loosen up... Start hiking....few minutes..Problem start....this FAT GIRL START TO TROUBLE THE HIGH COMMITTEE...Could go on...not enough rest+leg still injured due to slip from stairs week before and most important...SHE IS FAT!! really regret to come because if not because of me...Naim ER,Diela, Syam and Kak Cha2 wont stuck with me....Need time coz its my first time.....i really hate myself that time...until even they try to cheer me up...i couldnt smile...want to jump to from the hill also got... At one point...Naim ER ask from permission to go first to see other group that stop ahead us...we just let him go...He ask me nicely..

"Melin...do u need first aid kit...if yes i will leave it to you.." i answered no coz i got my own medicine....The HE START RUNNING WITH THE FIRST AID KIT WITH HIM THROUGH THE FOREST....

after nearly an hout we arrived to Bukit Puteri...I decided to stop there permanently because enough trouble for them already....after a while...we went down....waiting for the others at the side of the road...."

Then 2 days ago....asaqni called me but i didnt answer coz i dunno the number...then he msg me...asking if the first aid kit that NAIM BRING IS WITH ME OR NOT???!! Huh??im confused...i check my beg...empty...futhermore...the first aid kit is big...so if true i did brought it back accidentially...i would noticed it at the moment i clean up my room the next day...I said no....then i told him what happen...then Kak Cha2 msg me asking the same question...i start to feel weird.... but i assume they search for the 1st aid together and coincidently both asking the same person....but this evening asaqni asking me the same question...i started to pissed off...they dunt trust me or what!! Am i a theft???

I told my rumate about this...and Faiz...well they also kindda pissed off.. and said they were not responsible. they even said....they afraid naim told them lie....i wont said that...coz i dunno what to say anymore...my heart torn....

Make me mad...on the same time..make me sad and want to cry....people that i said my family....didnt trust me?? Its okay....just one semester to go...after that...they no need to see me again....no worries...The theft will leave soon...

funny but embarrasing

2009-10-24T17:44:00.002+08:00

Today i went out with some of my friend...not for fun but in the mission to find things to prepare breakfast for all my dear family in PRIMU..we decide to go to Sentubong Mountain tommorrow morning... So the Project leader ask me and Shedy to become AJK makanan...Food again....haiya...since i got here i always under AJK Makanan...I dunno why....But nevermind...ins not that hard if got people help me and as usual...i drag Faiz along to help me..muahaha....

The committee already decided to make sandwich for breakfast along with drinking water.... Fist destination we went to desa Ilmu....If u araund here (Kota Semarahan) you would know where is it...we went to EVERISE since my friends said some of the things here is cheap....After i get what we should get we went to UNACO...not very far away...hunting for cheap mineral water...

Here, we saw the funny things.....we were searching for nearest parking lot since later we need to carry 5 boxes of drinking water... Faiz saw a couple...at first we didn't realize...then she said..."Hahaha. i thought they were couple...it appears they were son and mom" I look at her with question mark in my head...she point to the couple she meant...no wonder...the mother look young and they wear some colour...but i dunt know how at last she realize they were not couple...Lazy to ask...

Next i saw a couple in Unaco...Holding hand...I guess...Father and daughter if i look to their appearance.. So sudden the guy kissed the girl in the lips...huh!!! Im shocked...then i realized...the Guy address the girl as sayang....gulp!!! I just walk away from there as quickly as i could....i didnt tell my friends about this...

Im wondering....yeah i know love got no boundaries in age or who u are but still it weird kay!! I thinks thats all for today...im tired...need some rest...and tommorrow need to get up at 3 a.m...Yaikssss.....

When fear coming to be real

2009-10-23T23:31:00.002+08:00

What do u guys think when ur fear become real and true?? It not really good rite... What if Ur fear become true in ur dream?? Its weird and it more sucks since u could not get it out from ur head... This is what happen to me....

This 2 days...whenever i fall asleep i would dream...Im not kindda of person that easily dreaming in my sleep.....But this dream really disturbing me....My greatest fear in the world...become true and seems real in my dream...Maybe u guys wondering...wat is my fear? Well...since a while ago...my greatest fear is my little sister...She is my angel but she is no angel to the family....She kindda hard to control...but with me, she become a very good girl since she only afraid to me than anyone else including my parents...Besides me.....she is a troublemaker in the family...she will do whatever she could either in the right way or bad way to get whatever she want in her life...

At the very young age she know how to put some make-up, wearing nice dress when going out...she really mind about how she looks....Her social...she like to have friends but her friends are not a good kids...It worrieds me until sometime i need to interfere with children business in order to protect herself and her dignity....Im so tired to like that....and ashamed also for someime,,,,but i know that what sister should do....Whe we grow up....things become worse...She started to talk back to our parent with loud voice....start to violent herself and her friend and stop talking to my sister and even me...She only speak to her sister when needed only... It really bothers me..How come siblings didnt talk at all??

I tried to make things better...instead of scolding her or beat her up...i use words...playing with her emotion....make her to picture things when we were gone...Slowly it got her back...but i was told by my mom and my dad...since i was gone for matriks and now unimas...she getting weirder...Im so worried that she will become wild and worse than before...A lot my friends advise me to look after my younger sister even though they met her for the first time....They seem could guess something bad...

Back to my dream this two days...I dream her violence... im sure both of my dream are different storyline but the way she hurt me is the same...she hurt me with injection needle. She stabbed at my back..and when i woke up...damn...my back hurt like hell...like i felt it....even just 4 a while...she even hurt my parents....i dunno...its really wierd...i know its only a dream..but i cant bear the pain...pain in my heart when i think about it....i hope...dream only a dream...

Live your life

2009-10-20T01:22:00.001+08:00

Hai guys, nothing really interesting today….just I think im not doing well in my soil mechanics test today. The question were unexpected, well not really like our lectured did pictured it to us last week but I still try to do my best coz if im not and just give up, its not worthy to stay awake till 7 am.

This week is the last week of lecture, that’s mean next week is study week, yet I still have a few activities to attend until this Monday…. So I think I would only start on Wednesday since I need my rest on Tuesday…Hope so this semester I could do better. Hope so I could study without any problem or disturbance in the study week since this 2 semester, whenever final is around the corner, there will like trillion problem which affected my emotion.. Im really bad in handling emotion….I dunno why….So far this sem, nothing happen…Maybe just small problem that I think I already get over. I think I truly neutral right now…just please pray for my success. I would need that….

It is 1 more month before I can go home…well, missing home already…especially both of my angels, my breath and my life….I really miss them, really wanna hug them and chat whole night talking about girls stuff, about our past, our present, future and some sisterhood problem like we used to do before… This a few days, I started to call them every night.. My daily life seem not complete if I didn’t hear their voice…People may say im crazy…but they were the only reason I still breathing today…still alive like you see…. They were and always be my strength. I’m lucky my mom did not give up having another child even though im 5 that time..large gap to have siblings but still…God gave us a precious present ever…

My friends used to ask, why did I called them my angels even in my phone I would put their number as my angels and my sweetheart. For me, angels is someone that have a pure heart. They would save and guide people. That what my sisters do to me. They did save my life once…They stopped me from hung myself when im 10…They might still small that time…around 5 and 4 years old…but they understand what im saying and what I try to do. .. Just one simple question from them stopped me and I swear, only God could take my life ever since. They ask…” Are we bad enough to be ur sister until u want to leave us? If yes, we were sorry, we will pray to god to give u other sisters and take us away but please don’t leave, mommy and daddy would need u…”

I hold on until today because of them…They guide me and show me the way when Im lost…I know its my job to do so as elder sister, it just sometime they more mature than me and my life was not colorful as others…I have my own dark side which I dont want people to know, but to my concern how long I could keep it… I try my best to complete their life with love…when holidays I would work so I could give them what they want…Yes its hard and tired, but everything for them… I always try to be there when they need me, I try my best to give advise when they need one… I dunt want they go through what they were not suppose to experience.

My story maybe seem like fiction…but that is my life…. I have to bright sisters but unfortunately for them, im not really good sister… I know…sometimes they wished im not their sisters……

p/s: I hope what written in here will not be discuss and talk outside or in front me…You might leave comment and ur opinion here, I would appreciate it and you could judge me…go on…just please respect me when outside…What in the blog…please let it stay here…

2nd entry for today: my attitude

2009-10-19T04:09:00.003+08:00

hola guys... another entry for today...well i realize sumthing else...weird and funny for me... Well...when ever i really furious to someday....i always said...i feel want to kill him / her... i dunno why....or sometime..if i want to be alone, yet people go see me asking how am i doing i will answer the same thing... Its not really i meant to kill the person....even though i want to...i know im not capable...huhuhu.... Its not nice to hear...but i just automatically come out from my mouth... Y is it huh?? Im wondering...

One more thing....when im shocked....i use to said Oh my God...now im using OMG!! The same thing actually...but this OMG thing i know y...because my frens used to said this...so i think its kindda cool...erm...dunno lah...but some of my other friends said its irritating but who care, it not something bad to say...heee

Who cares..... another sentence i like to said...This one...it shows that im not really comfortable or dont like about something or whatever...like....for example...hey melin...isnt she wear the same shirt yesterday?....u definitely will get that "who cares!!" from me...hehehe

If you are talking to me..and i just like... nodded...smile...and then...oh yeah...i see...interesting...okay!! huh...that mean...."what the heck u r saying" This is because sometimes...im not intersting with the story...or im lost while you are telling ur story...its normal...when people get excited he or she just like...hey u know..blah blah blah then i dunt know whay blah blah blah....i barely cant understand or hear....

Its funny to think about my attitude...but everyone have their own ways right..

Getting better

2009-10-19T00:41:00.002+08:00

First of all, tq for all the comment that i received in my blog and facebook regarding my post about i fall from the stairs... I just share what happen to my daily life, not for sympathize like some people said but i still grateful for all the concerns from all my friends....tq guy...u make my day bright even though th pain at my back and my shoulder bothered me a lot yesterday... Now everything okay...still feel the pain a little at my back, shoulder and knee but it is much better....nothing serious...

Today, i try to prepare myself for tomorrow exam but unfortunately, i could not focus with wha im doing...i only could focus in certain time but just a few minutes....Dunno what happen to me...a lot of things really bugging me...first about myself...how am i doing for all this sem... My sisters...how are they doing in their exam...is it all right...my parents, are they grateful and happy to have daughter like me.... Am i a good daughter and a good sister for both of my sisters? Am i a good friend to all people that know me, that become my friend... Do i respect others like they want to? Its confusing...i dont know why it is so sudden all the question come to my head...if only i could answer all the questions....

Well its been like 2 week i didnt talk much with. carol, my roomate....quite strange becouse she so bubbly and sometime feel want to selotape her mouth.... Its started when i questioned her one evening if she have a earphone or headphone since she watch mvie in her pc...the sound quite loud to me.... I felt disturbed but at first i just cover my ear with my pillow and it doest work. I felt sleepy and so tired that evening since i didnt sleep a night before in order to finish my assgnment....mybe the way i ask quit harsh... Now we just talk if it is needed....quite strange but in fact...it is much better this way.... her way and my way were totally different...yes she older than me...but since she is the youngest and only daughter in her family, she kind of 'manja'...

Well thats not really type of my friends that i like...it fun to be friend with them....but in some situation... i think they are annoying.... at first...i just try o understand her and just follow what she said what she want since i respect her as senior since she was diploma student...Unfrtunately, my patience like come to zero... she critics me and my attitude just like that and i always like "SNAP!!!" she critics how close me to my sister than my parents, like i forget about my parent and didnt care much about their feeling... well....people can insult me...but to comment or critics how nicely i try to treat my sisters, give them what they want and give priority to them, i could kill the person.....She dont know what have i gone through in my life...the pain... the saddest.... biggest secret i need to keep for a 11 years.... My sisters, they always there for me....they always bright my days.... Yes i sure love my parents....but to be truth...they were one of my scar... Scar that haunt me till im death...i love forgive them...and really love my parents...it just....not everything we could let it go.. Carol...she have a perfect family...so thats why she would not understand...

I like the way we are now....at least there is nothing that could make me mad at her anymore....More important....i could do what i want...i could sleep whenever i want...eat whenever and where i want and be alone while im eating... take my bath whenever i want..... and while im busy doinf my work...nobody disturbe me..... I like to be like this....

You can say im cruel....i dunt mind....it just it for my own good...

New Update

2009-10-17T08:07:00.002+08:00

Hmm...its been a while since my last update...its been a tiring and crazy week for me and perhaps for all the civil's student here.... The work load that given to us driving me crazy....Its been a few nights i didnt get enough sleep until last night...i sleep early last night..coz i felt tired and plus some part of my body bruises coz a fall from the stairs last night...my shoulder and knee really in pain right now...especially my right shoulder...Thank God the box that i carried only random stuff not a box full of boxes that my senior carried...Actually my senior text me last night ask for help...since my creadit not enough to reply her...i just get downstairs to her room just using slippery slipper...When i got there...she asked me to carry a few boxes downstairs to her mom cars...its okay with me....but the box quit big so really minimize my view...I try to be careful since i know my slipper would easily slip, but unfortunately....DOOM!!! My back really hurt....and my chest really in pain since the box fall on top of me...

After i went back to my home..i really like a flat-tyre...dont have energy...my body hurt..so i thought it is better to have a rest for while..unfortunately...i fall asleep...and this morning....i wake up early...Need to do some assignments...I need to finish all this assignment by tonight since tommorrow i need to spare my time to study for soil mechanics test on monday...

Im worry i wont be able to finish it by tonight...since...my right shoulder really killing me right now...my movement are minimize... Plus this evening got bowling ....im death!!!!

Dancing was my passion

2009-10-14T00:07:00.003+08:00

Hai guys.....its been a long time since my last update..Well this week being so crazy...i really feel like i could not handle it....but still im trying to hold on... Now, i am taking a break from my assignment... All this assginment make me crazy...plus....3 more week to exam...YAIKSS!!

Well...dancing....yups...dancing was my passion...i love to dance a few year ago...I can express myself through movement without any harm to myself especially when im mad..but now....its imposibble.... I think you know why....if not...read this post, i did wrote a bit about this.

Why all this thing come to my mind now?? I dunt know....just i miss the moment where i could dance...

Friendship for a lifetime

2009-10-09T21:45:00.002+08:00

Hi dear friends, it s been a long time since my last entry, sorry for that. I suppose post this entry last week but im too busy to online so i just type it in the Notepad and only post it today.

Last week when i was FB-ing, i found a great video.Its a true story about 2 friend who bought a cub when they so him in the cage in town for sold. They keep him at pet him with love..but unfortunately,he grow to fast and they couldn't keep it anymore. The only thing they could do is to let him be familiar with africa, w new home for the lion which is his true nature.A few years later, they came back to see the lion. I guess they miss him coz they love the lion so much and since they took good care of him since he was little. Unfortunately, the ranger said, the lion already become a head for his own pride, so he would totally become wild and dangerous. Beside that, there is possibility that the lion forgot who are they and attack them. They were disappointed but they didn't give up. They still go to search for the pride. The search come to end and there was the lion that they raise.. It is unbelievable, the lion stunned when he saw them and come running towards them and cuddle with them. The lion still remember his earlier owner!!! This isthe part i cry, the lion seem missing them so much. He even introduces to the friend his wife.

Love and friendship don't have any boundaries, even animal understand what is friendship and love is.I don't understand why human, with a brain and who could think wisely could not respect and worthy the love and the friendship among human. The video triggered my memories, something that i nearly forgot. 7 year ago, when i was in form 1, i got trouble with some of my friends a.k.a my classmate, they jealous at me for nothing. Its really killing me... Fortunately, i had a bestfriend, her name Lynn. She didn't talk so much and other student like to make fun with her.. So far everything just so fine and even though we sit side by side, we like to write a letter for each other, every secret that hard to say, since we hate and afraid when people eavesdropping on us. Everything fine until she fall in love with our senior. She did ask me what i thought if she couple with the senior since our senior did ask her to become his girlfriend. The truth, i didn’t like it, not because I’m jealous but i realize since they become close,her study totally a disaster. Its hard for me to help her in her study anymore. After i a while, i just say that its okay with it since i need to consider her feelings too. Unfortunately, she starts to forget me and rarely spent time with me and no more letter from her, and only reply my letter after 2 or 3 weeks after that. I’m just fine with it .

After a while she accused me that i start to forget her. I was totally in shocked. I asked myself, Who forget who actually but i just want to make things better SO I just apologies for something i didn't do.When form 4, we were separated. I went for science term and she went to accounting class. We still contact as usual, like the same way we used to but we just not so closed anymore, maybe because i was to busy with my endless activities. This is when he broke up with our senior. Maybe they had a problem with time and seeing each other since my senior already done his SPM. Well, as usual, Lynn just like crazy, lost someone she love and like so much. Besides that they broke up after our senior confessed that he got another affair. Lynn couldn't accept the fact. My friends and i try to comfort her and ask her to forget him.We thought everything would be fine. Unfortunately it is not.

2 year later, i went for my matriculation and her continue her form 6 at our school. We still contacted each other via phone. One day she confesses that she went to meet our senior (her ex-bf) and ask him to accept her back. She dunt care if she need to give her body to him!!! Oh my God...Thats really make me mad and dissapointed..Where is her pride? She is a women, we all know what is most important thing for a women. I just talk softly to her and give advise to her and think wisely. So sudden she becomes mad. I told her, what i said becouse i love her, i dunt want she to do something stupid for something that not worthy for her. She become more furious and said i didnt understand her. She ask me to leave her alone and never contact her again... Friendship for 5 years just end like that for something stupid?? Now, she lost me and even the guy he like since the guy insist to accept her. I felt pity for her, i did miss her.

Fortunately, last day before i come here to Unimas, i met her and try to make thing better. Thank God she is not stubborn anymore, we become friend but BFF...i dunt think so./I'm not punishing her. It just i still hurt with what she did to me.. He choose a guy more than me, her friend.

P/s: im sorry that my english are not good enough....

Going Out

2009-10-04T00:20:00.003+08:00

Hai...today i went out...my destination was crown plaza a.k.a Parkson...Im going there for 3 reason...first, got UNIMAS trnsport since i dunno how to drive and im alone. Well i dunt like walking alone...if got company i dunt care how far i need to walk...second reason...Mooncake...Today oredi mooncake festival a.k.a "Pesta tanglung" which mean...today is kind of the last day they sell mooncake...I just realize that today is the last day after my mom called me last night and asking me wheather i did buy mooncake for myself to eat... Well..its only once a year and i love mooncake...so sure i dunt want to miss it this year...Mooncake were so special...i love the taste and how it look..more important...i admired the story behind the mooncake festival.. And then 3rd reason...i want to get myself a malay novel...Yes i like to ready malay novel even though i'm mixed chinese...Well...im so tired mentally and physically, so why shouldn,t i treat myself nicely right...Futhermore, i want to apply Popular Bookstore Membercard. I love to buy malay novel but now the price is getting expensive from time to time...

Something interesting happened while im enjoying my lunch at KFC. Gosh it was too crowded even though its already 3 pm...Lucky me...as soon i arrived i spot a perfect place. Well i like to observe people...Human is interesting so i enjoying it...like watch a long movie...just the difference...they are not acting...that what make them and make the "story" interesting...I get myself Snack plate and cheezy wedges...enjoying my food while watching the " movie" in front me... at my back...there were 2 young boy having their dinner...from what i see they look like 13-15 years old...nothing interesting about them at first...just some guy talk...i dunt bother about them at first...Until 2 girls come out and walking toward them...i though they were the guy girlfriend...i admire the girls sense of fashion...Since the girls talk quite loud...i can heard them clearly...the girls begging the guy to lend them some money.Huh!!! I stop eating...is it right what i did heard...I listen carefully what they are saying...(yeah i know its not good, my curiosity seek for an answer..hehehe)Guess why the girls want to borrow some money from the girls?? Unexpected...The Girls's Boyfriends want to watch another movie... but they dunt have enough money to buy the ticket...feeling ashamed...they ask for money from their friends...Its so extra ordinary... Seriously...in my life....it is the first time i heard a situation like this....

Then i'm waiting for Unimas' bus at the bus stop...still early so i just texting with Faiz and listening to Mp3....Another Movie to watch...well outside's story much more interesting....dunt want to tell bout it...it quite embarrassing. Just let me keep it for myself...hehehe

Just now i went for blog walking again...well...i realize something...people's blog got a lot i mean A LOTTT!!! of picture...but mine...just a few... look boring to read....but maybe i rather write it down than show u guy visually...Thats all for today...im still quite tired even though i already slept for 3 hours.daa

Let me go

2009-09-30T18:02:00.002+08:00

well...today i dunno what happen... after i realize that my ex-bf try avoiding me in fb...i delete him from my friend list...before that i send a msg to clear things up...and today...when i online...he request to be my friend in fb... idunt understand...really...this thing make me wondering...what he want actually...i did let him go...and its my sincere willing...becouse i know...i understand that we are not destined together.. God let us met...to cure his broken hurt that time who was betrayed by his ex-gf and than me...to learn what is love and how to love or bing loved... Too many memories together...im just glad that i have the memories and got the opportunity to know him...

Now i've move on...and i i know i did...just im worried...he wont let me go...

Visitor

2009-09-28T07:06:00.003+08:00

Im shocked this morning...just realized something else...my visitor...i mean visitor who did visit my blog.....last time i log in...it jus 1000++.. but now.......

Near 12000...what is happening....since when people like to read my blog which is a lot of crap...Im confuse...I think its only been a week i didnt log in and check my blog....did google make some mistake there or what...becouse it cant be right...coz if true there are people like to read my blog but 11000 time people visit my blog in just i week?? errr.,...

99th entry

2009-09-28T02:55:00.002+08:00

Hai guys...well im trying to write in english today since there is one of my bff said that she think when i wrote in english my entry become more exciting..im not sure bout that but hey...its people opinion...try to listen to her...hehehe...futhermore it could help me in my writing since my writing especially in english getting worse...maybe lack of practice like i use to do when im in secondary school...well..time change.

I've started this blog maybe a year a ago...but entry that i wrote not including this only 98 entries...Oh my gosh...quite ashamed coz when i peek to my friend's blog, the got hundreds and some nearly 200 entries...Well my life in not too interesting to share...I named this blog as inspire of love becouse when i started this blog..im thinking to give advise since i like a love counsellor to my friends...hahaha...not all my advise work so well but so far its okay and helping others

My love story were just like other....nothing interesting...so much pain than happiness but i understand before we could get an immortal love ?9am i using the right word??) we need to get through the pain...and i felt the pain....the pain that kill my heart...so the result....tadaa....my blog full or crap...Its hard to fall in love again....my friends said im feelingless...okay whatever thats mean....i try to fall in love again...but no use...whenever a guy said he loves me...i run away...maybe a afraid to be hurt again...phobia to fall in love?? i dunt know

Recently i did talk about a guy that i named him Prince...So far its been a month i officially become his girl...but until this moment....i dunno what is my real feeling....I did say i love you to him...i did miss him when i didnt get any his msg or call...but i thing i afraid of... i only...lonely.... Yeah!! yeah...!!I know i got family...but hey...im only an ordinary girl kay....i want to be love by a guy also....Sometime..he sulk becouse i dunt really care bout him sometime for a week or two just beacouse im busy with my own life....sometime im free, but i used the time for myself...watching movie and playing games instead of him... i always ask him to understand that i have a life too... i want my own time....kindda funny becouse at the past, all my ex-bf would said that to me...huhuhu...well nearly 2 year being single change me a lot huh...

Then...im a emotianal girl...yes i know that...im so sensitve and so stubborn.nobody could deal with me....maybe just for sometime...not for a long period...So far...he can deal with me...we only had a huge fight 3 months ago.At that time we still bestfriend....but that fight make us understand more about each other but we nearly "putus kawan"....but he is the one who tried to save our friendship....and now...Muahaha....couple...so lame...

One funny things....i did realized just now....i did add my ex bf in my facebook...ex bf that i really love and like once.... Until now i couldnt forget the memories betwen us...but doest mean i still love him and want him back....maybe i still like him...but then, its not our destiny and it wouldnt be...For first few msg i posted in his wall he did reply and after that he didnt reply...at first i thought he lazy to reply since my post all about advise to his weird thought about his life....he just like that since i know him...but then i realize and i did laugh...his friend and i post something that kindda the same thing...and he only reply to the other person....its abvious he want to avoid me...funny2....Its okay by me....huhuhu...he though i want him?? oh plizzzz!!!...huhuhu

Enough for now...no idea oredi...if i got any idea...i will post new entry kay...daa..see u next entry

Happy???

2009-09-19T01:21:00.003+08:00

Okay...nek berhabuk dak aku rasa blog aku ni...lama tak berupdated....but what to do....masa aku untuk online agak terhad...life...nothing interesting...just...aku involve dengan someone, ...lama aku menyingle...aku pun perasan...peragai aku dalam bab couple ni dah berubah...aku dengan si dia...aku panggil Prince lah ar...aku dengan Prince dah berkawan selama setahun... well...semuanya bermula dari internet...dari teman cyber...kami jadi kawan....dari kawan...kami jadi sahabat...dari sahabat kami jadi bestfriend....and latest....couple....quit funny to me.... dari awal perkenalan...kami banyk berkongsi mengenai kehidupan...pelbagai cerita dikongsi...tapi tak sangka sayang tu datang...

Secara jujur aku katakan.....aku tak yakin hubungan aku dengan prince akan pergi jauh....atas sebab tertentu...tapi buat masa sekarang aku harap kami gembira....rasa pelik bila bergelar kekasih orang...even dah sebulan couple...still rasa pelik...hehehe....

Tapi aku bersyukur...Prince sangat2 penyabar dengan perangai aku...mungkin sebab tu juga aku jatuh sayang dengan dia...tapi entah sampai bila dia akan dapat bersabar dengan perangai aku...im wondering....adakah 2 tahun jak macam Man mampu bertahan....tengoklah per jadi kemudian...

Study aku.....ok i guest...tiada masalah buat masa ni....tiada gangguan2 luar macam sem2 lepas...coz prince sangat2 memahami...maybe dia ada juga lah merajuk since aku penah tak endahkan dia 2 minggu gara2 assignment macam bukit...but so far he understand...

Conclusion....aku happy dengan life aku...

Pesan Ibu

2009-09-11T13:46:00.002+08:00

Aku Fb-ing semalam sebab tension sangat...tengah2 view video2 kawan aku...aku jumpa satu video dari senior aku...Aku menanggis tengok video ni....semuanya menusuk hati....I miss my mom....Dengarlah...aku percaya....semua ibu ada pesan yang sma....anggplah wanita ini...seperti ibu kita....dan dengarlah pesan beliau

Demam Vs Exam VS assignment Vs PROJECT!!!

2009-09-05T23:16:00.002+08:00

iTS A CRAZY WEEK!!!! hate this few week...i could get use to the works but fever...hell no!!!...its really disturbing my daily life...haih...

Erm...forgrt it....Lagipun deman aku dah nak ok dah..just batuk jak...well lama aku tak blog-walking...rindu nak buat blog-walking tapi masa aku quite terhad....One things....about FB....i dunt really like it...i need to online almost everyday just to find out whats gonna happen to my friends...haih....its ok...im still trying to get use to it

Well guys...i miss u a lot....

p/s: what a short entry...hehehe

facebook

2009-08-20T19:54:00.002+08:00

Hola frens...huh...facebook....fenomena yang tiba2 memang hangat...sehangat h1n1 kot....cuma bezanya....facebook dulu hangat....hangat kat pasaran...hehe...lepas kena hasut dengan kawan2 akhirnya aku buka juga akaun FB tu...paling banyak menghasut secara tidak lansung rumate aku lah si carol....semalam aku explore la FB...well aku rasa tak best...tak sebest FS...smalam juga aku bersms and juga ber FB dengan kawan aku yang merangkap junior dan juga merangkap bestfren aku....dia budak UITM...kat sarawak juga...semalam dia bgtau aku leganya dia aku dah ada profile sendiri....trus aku bler...then dia cakap....dia masih rasa bersalah pasal kes FS aku dulu.....sapa dah baca entri aku yang bertajuk pornography mesti dah tau....

aku mengamuk sangat dengan dia coz...dia dah kenal aku since kami sekolah rendah....dia kenal aku sapa....takkan aku segila tu ak buat macam tu....aku memang marah sebab dia bestfriend aku tapi dia bleh siap post testi " wah mel....satu hari begitu tu ko.." what was his thought at the moment i relly dunno....aku memang mengamuk sakan....msg sori dia aku lansung tak layan....and aku pun terus terminate FS.Kemudian dah aku cool down baru kontek dia balik....
Aku tak sangka sampai sekarang dia rasa bersalah....well...its not my fault....coz ini melibatkan maruah....lagipun aku dah maafkan dia...everything was fine...

Sleepy Vs Math

2009-08-19T14:48:00.002+08:00

Walaweh......aku mengantuk gila harini.....satu sebab cuaca yang sangat2 mendung dan sejuk...best tido...padahal bangun jam berapa tadi....Dah tu aku merajinkan dri gi buat ttrial math...syukur aku dapat jawapan tutorial tu hanya dengan membelek nota 4 kali....its good for me....lepas ni nak vuat tutorial tanpa belek nota lagi....aku rasa math ni senang tapi tak paham aku macam mana bleh fail pula...dapat F lagi tu...memalukan sungguh....tapi takpa...ni pengajaran bagi aku...hihihi....

Selesai math dah tak tau nak buat apa....aduinah....melin melin pa jadi dengan ko ni??

Once again

2009-08-17T15:31:00.002+08:00

Hahaha...once again aku menghilangkan diri untuk satu tempoh....aku heran dengan follower aku....hari tu buka 37, pastu buka lagi 36 then 35 then 34...aik makin berkurang....tiba2 hari ni 37 balik....aku nek heran....Aku dah lama tak tinggalkan komen kat blog orang tapi tak bermakna aku tak jenguk....aku suka baca cerita2 kawn aku...best baca crita orang....lagipun dapat nak jadikan pengajran for certain story.....tapi tulah nak tinggalkan komen tu aku takda masa....kesian juga....hari ni aku exhausted...dah la penat dengan pesta konvo...then my family lagi...tadi pula aku dengan rumate aku kuar gi UNACO bli barang skit...mlm ni nak buat steambot since kami dua jak kat umah ni...takda menda nak buat baik masak dapat isi perut tapi lagi best klu makan steambot ramai2....tapi tulah malangnya kawan2 kami semua teda....semua balik....

Gila kan kami berdua....dahlah dilarang masak tapi gi juga buat ni...jgn tertangkap dahlah...hehehe....klu tertangkap matilah jawabnya...risau juga aku ni actually aduh tapi boring lh asyik makan kat cafe...makanan pun sama jak aku rasa....huhuhu

arini kerja gila...sebab keboringan melampau....aku gi hantar message guna morpheus kat lect...tanya bila dia upload tutorial....hahaha...dah tak tau nak buat apa kan cuti ni....assignment dah settle semua....klah sampai sini jak.....nanti aku post gik

murdered Children

2009-08-03T19:39:00.006+08:00

Hola....welll today after class....aku online....coz tkt my housemate pulang.....its okay actually...just nak download tutorial....takut tak terdownload....or ada agenda lain actually....nak online youtube...find something to watch... Then its happen i found a video below...

Yes....in memory or the murdered children....these video make me sad and i nearly cried....im thinking...how come people being so cruel....hey...they just innnocent child....maybe they are naughty but thats what childs do.....they dont have any rights to take away something special from a family....Children is a gift from God...Didnt we should accept them and take good care of them.... Human being is a weird creature...

Feeling Blue

2009-07-30T22:08:00.003+08:00

Hari ni aku marah sangat...atau lebih kepada sakit hati.....pagi2 awal lagi aku dah nanggis....padahal dah janji pada diri sendiri tak nak naggis lagi....tapi pagi tadi betul2 menguji kesabaran aku.... By the way, AGM PRIMU was terific....not the event yang terific....tapi family aku dalam PRIMU...Papa O and Felix buat kami tak kering gusi ketawa...Ada saja lawak spontan..Like them both....

So its around 11.30 pm baru balik bilik....lepas mandi and mengmas semua...12.30 am baru aku dapat buat kerja....assignment Soil betul2 buat aku gila....Macam nak pegi copy orang pun ada...tapi its not my stail apparently....so berusaha la aku selesaikan baki 3 soalan yg memang dah memeningkan kepala aku dari last week....lepas dah print apa2 yang aku rasa patut....start ah aku buat atas katil....i dunt know why im addicted to sit on my bed and do my work....berjalan otak aku....Sibuk2 aku buat kerja...aku tak sedar dah jam 6 pagi....terkejut gila aku....baru siap 2 quest....what the hack....so aku sambung buat the last one....aku tau buat tapi analisis yang aku dapat tak seperti yang sepatutnya....ni quest bukan lab so mana mungkin graf tak menjadi....sampai jam 8.10 am...aku dah pening2 lalat....so aku p lah tido...coz aku ada kelas Soil jam 10am....baru aku best landing membetul urat2 pinggang....kawan aku call, dia tanya aku kat mana....aku cakap kat bilik...baru nak tido...tiba2 dia cakap...ko tak turun kelas?? Huh!!! Aku dah cuak....wait,,,,kelas jam 10 kan....aku siap tengok jadual yang bertampal di dinding...dlm jadual betul la.... Terus dia jawab...ko tak tau ka kelas am 10 tu dah tukar jam 8 am....What!!!! Aku memang speechless....Napa aku tak tau!!!! Kemudian aku ingat...last week aku tak turun kuliah 2 hari start Thursday...sebab urat lutut aku membengkak....so aku tak dapat nak berjalan....baru nak tuun dari katil aku dah menjerit...nak aku trun dri tingkat 3 and berjalan ke ctf??? aku rasa tak sampai aku dah meraung....Plus lagi demam panas...Bukan H1N1 k!!!!

Bukan tiada yang tahu aku sakit...aku bagitau orang2 yang rapat dengan aku pasal aku sakit....tiada sorang pun tergerak nak bgtau aku...at least texting me...aku ada 3 sim, celcom digi and maxis...hah pilih mana kamu mau....ikut pilihan hati mana yang murah.....klu sayang juga 1 sen or 7 sen tu.....hari isnin and selasa aku gi kelas....tak bleh cakap?? rabu memang aku x kelas...

Aku sakit hati...sebab niat aku dah nak pegi kelas soil since dah terlepas satu kelas lepas aku sakit....aku terduduk atas katil...pelahan2 air mata aku turun....pening aku dah hilang dah...sakit2 badan aku pun dah tak terasa dah....Hati aku macam kena tikam... For certain orang maybe its not big deal tak pergi kelas....Memang aku hilang mood.....Im really feeling blue....

Sampai ke petang aku masih rasa lemah semacam...and tetiba aku demam....mungkin tak cukup tido lah tu...lagipun aku memang dah sakit tekak dari hari tu....Dalam kelas theory petang tu....aku buat bodoh jak, semuayang bercakap dengan aku, aku cakap ala kadar jak....Nasib bek kelas theory tadi even aku pening tak cukup tido...plus sakit hati yang berbekas....aku masih bleh fokus and faham apa yang Mdm Azida sampaikan kat depan...klu tak...lagi parah aku jawabnya....So balik kelas...aku terus g mandi and try redakan hati aku....lepas mandi aku makan sambil tengok muvie..but its not working....then aku ambik Hp aku and dengar lagu....mp3 aku dah aku tak tau mana aku letak pagi tadi....tiba2 aku player aku play lagu yang Roomate amku bagi malam semalam.....aku tak tau...napa aku jadi reda....aku jadi tenang dengar lagu tu....nOW..Im feeling good even demam....Tjuk lagu tu Crying on my shoulder....Here the lyrics....

Cry On My Shoulder lyrics

Deutschland Sucht Den Superstar

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone you're feeling blue
If you're away from love and you're alone
If you call your friends and nobody's home
You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I show you there's a destiny
The best things in life
They're free

Chorus:

But if you wanna cry
Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay here by your side
I promise you I'll never hide

Repeat chorus

What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do
What real love can do
What love can do

And by the way...Congrats to new MT for PRIMU...gudluck for u guys....

Nak close atau tidak???

2009-07-29T15:28:00.003+08:00

Hai....lama aku tak update blog aku ni....nak buat blog-walking lagilah like imposible...masa aku untuk online sangat2 terhad....klu aku online pun selalunya download notes....i like blogging tapi sebagai student...to online everyday.....its only a dream...

I have been thinking.....nak close blog ni...tapi aku sayangkan blog ni juga....dan juga kawan2 yang aku berpeluang jumpa bila aku ber blog....tapi...macam mana au nak teruskan klu update blog like seminggu sekali....Blog ni jadi perhiasan pula....

Aku rasa aku lah remaja yang paling pelik klu aku dah close blog ni....yalah...dalah aku tak ada my space, friendster, twitter, multiply and face book lagi imposible...and then tiada blog....aku macam tiada ...how i gonna say huh...."networking-social life?".. Think so....sedangkan mentor aku syor kan aku open facebook...huh!!! duh...im not interested bout any of it anymore....dulu aku aktif dengan friendster....tapi ada hacker bangang mana ntah...pegi hack accaunt aku and then letak gambar2 porno...sakit hati aku....aku rasa malu dengan kawan2 aku n juga cikgu2 aku yg ada dalam fs tu....so aku close trus....geram dah aku....then demam fb melanda....ramai kawan2 aku suruh aku buat 1 akaun fb tapi....takut sejarah berulang kut...huhuhu.....lagipun macam aku cakap...i dunt have enough time....klu aku nak juga buat....confirm aku kena korban tido....

Lagipun....takpa...not bad jadi budak skema...macam dulu2...kna cakap skema for something yang aku sendiri tak faham....aku masih berfikir...nak close ke tak akaun ni....Adoh Enamours...i do love be with u.....tapi aku tak cukup masa nak luangkan masa dengan ko.....

Hidup macam roda

2009-07-13T09:54:00.002+08:00

Hai....rasanya mestidah ramai dengar statement hidup ni macam roda...yalah sekejap kita kat atas...kjap kita kat bawah pula...Hakikatnya...itulah lumrah manusia...tak semestinya kita dalam keadaan yang seronok dan bahagia spanjang masa....kadang2 kidang akn berada di bawah...kecewa dan sedih.....dalam hidup kita ni macam drama....macam yang aku pernah tengok iklan pentas anak wayang....kita ni adalah pelakon bagi drama hidup kita....

Ramai yang menyedari hakikat ni....tapi ramai juga yang tak dapat nak menerima keadaan ni....macam aku juga....aku tahu kehidupan ni macam mana....tapi kadang2 ada certain benda yang aku tak dapat nak terima....

Aku sentiasa berjanji pada diri sentiri supaya aku akan sentiasa tabah untuk menghadapi pelbagai dugaan....tapi kekuatan yang aku sangka aku ada hanyalah suatu sangkaan semata2....sekali lagi aku diuji...tapi aku takkan mengeluh di blog ni....mesti dah ramai muak dengar masalah2 aku yang tak pernah putus....malam ni aku perlu buat satu keputusan yang pasti....keputusan yang aku kena hadapi....mudah2an aku dapat happy ending....penat nak berfikir.....

Duh.....what happen to me....hahahaha....just hoping everything will going to be fine

Busy for a while

2009-07-09T16:28:00.003+08:00

Hai....aku akan menghilangkan diri untuk seketika....well...bukan apa...sem baru dah bermula....so first week ni banyak betul yang aku kena urus.....kolej some more...senggang of course...SAFE lagi....and tak lupa kena register course....so masa untuk online adalah terhad...ataupun tiada lansung.

Lagipun...my wire LAN hilang...so tak dapat online lah....n tambah menyakitkan hati my housemate online 24/7 unless when she is sleeping or going to the class....tapi tak apa...as long dia tak kacau aku....

And regarding my new rumate...she is rocks!!!! i like her...she is from Miri Sarawak...but when she talk...she like more too sabahan...she said, when she taking diploma.....all her bestfriends are sabahan...and futhermore...kakak ipar dia pun sabahan...i like it...coz i can be myself.....yelah...bukan senang nak cakap semenanjung all the time since its not my own language....lagipun....for me...sabahan malay is easy aand bila kita bercakap dengan seseorang tu tersa rapat sangat....well everyone have their own choice about language to speak about....

First week ni juga ada assginment...not official assginment...morely kepada tutorial...Mathematics II, 40Question for deferentation and integral....Ihate this but what to do...still need to solve the questions.... Worse....tommorrow dah kena discuss....i still got around 10++ Question.... Entah siap atau tidak....

But this weekend im going out...for movie perhaps.....huhuhu

Mengemas

2009-07-03T17:14:00.004+08:00

Hai....well...esok aku dah nak balik ke kuching....cuti 2 bulan macam tak terasa....macam nak sambung cuti...tapi nak buat macam mana....dah tanggungjawab.... masa packing tu....aku teringat nak bawa buku matriks....untuk membantu aku study repeat paper....hate to repeat but have to....tengah selak2 buku tu...terjumpa pula short letter yang my rumate bg....when i read it...i nearly cried...surat yang amat bermakna....well...she is the best rumate ever...She always be there....dia anak tunggal....her mom yang jaga coz his dad died becouse of cancer....so, my dad always manjakan her like his own daughter....so automatically...she like a family...

This sem ada rumate and housmate baru....huhuhu...i dont who are they and how thir attitude....ho so we can get along...So afraid ar